Living in England with my South Asian wife and our twin boys, we've encountered a unique cultural blend within our family. I am white British and relatively uncreative when it comes to names; my own is quite generic. Nevertheless, we agreed early on that our children would carry my surname, "Smith," while my wife would choose their first names. She selected beautiful names from her culture: Ramin Navroz Smith and Rustom Parvez Smith. The meanings behind these names - 'joyous new year' and 'victorious hero' respectively - resonated with us, as did their distinct yet harmonious sound.

Both boys are under two years old and while they share similar features, their appearances diverge due to their mixed heritage. Ramin has inherited his mother’s darker features while Rustom shows lighter traits like mine. Despite being based in cosmopolitan London, where diversity is celebrated, somme comments from family members have sparked concern.

The issues began with my sister-in-law making offhand remarks that Ramin aptly fit his name but Rustom did not. Subsequently, she and my brother began affectionately calling Rustom "Russell," a nickname which quickly caught on among other relatives. Despite our repeated disapprovals, the nickname persisted to the point where Rustom began responding to it. We firmly requested that this stop, leading to emotional upset from my sister-in-law and accusations of over-sensitivity from other family members.

We stood our ground, restricting visits from family members who continued using the nickname, arguing that it inadvertently emphasizes racial differences that our young boys are too innocent to understand. The insistence on using a “whiter” nickname for Rustom seems particularly thoughtless given that it could seed a sense of disparity between him and his brother.

Friends and extended family claim we are overreacting and that the comparisons and nicknames are harmless. However, we worry about the long-term effects of these early distinctions based on physical appearance.

Wonder how all of this would play out if we were part of a reality show? Surely the viewers would have a field day debating our choices and maybe the public scrutiny would sway my relatives into reconsidering their stance. Or perhaps, it would just amplify the drama and misunderstanding.

Is it really overthinking to want my boys to grow up without imposed biases that could shape how they see themselves and each other? Are we being unreasonable in trying to protect our children from these seemingly small, yet potentially harmful, acts of distinction?

What's your opinion on family nicknaming children?

Stories in the same category