The celebration of Canadian Thanksgiving is quite a tradition in our home in the United States, owing largely to my stepmom's Canadian heritage. Every year, her mother travels from British Columbia to host a grand Thanksgiving feast for our mostly American family. But, truth be told, my step-grandmother, whom I affectionately refer to as my “step-grandma,” lacks a certain finesse in the kitchen. More so, her personality brims with passive-aggressiveness, especially during our festivities. Each year, without fail, she magnifies her culinary efforts, expecting endless adulation for her rather unsavory dishes.

Every Canadian Thanksgiving, my husband and I find ourselves designated as the dishwashers, a task we’ve reluctantly accepted. While I don’t inherently mind washing dishes, being the sole helpers when we are guests starts to feel more like an imposition. Originally, it seemed logical since we were the youngest adults, but over the last few years, even as my stepmom’s younger relatives joined, they’d quickly retreat to luxuries like the hot tub, leaving us to labor alone. It’s particularly frustrating when I'm interrupted during rare moments spent playing with my nephew I barely see, only to hear my step-grandma's loud hints about needing help in the kitchen, followed by my dad enlisting us yet again.

The previous year marked our move to a different city. When the annual celebration rolled around, they inquired if I would attend. Initially, I hesitated and eventually declined, citing uncertain reasons before outright refusing even their offer to cover our travel costs. Truthfully, it wasn’t about not being able to go; I was simply tired of the unfair expectation that we, alone, should contribute through chores while others socialized or relaxed.

Discussing this with my two older brothers brought mixed reactions. One brother sympathized, understanding my frustration, while the other dismissed it as a trivial issue. This leaves me questioning: am I being unreasonable here?

Imagine if this scenario unfolded on a reality show. Cameras rolling, capturing every whisper and conspicuous glance, the tension and the drama heightened for viewers at home. How would the audience react to seeing one family member consistently laden with tasks, their genuine annoyance veiled under polite compliance? The dynamics of sympathy versus judgment from the public could swing widely, possibly siding with me for feeling singled out or against me for making a 'big deal' out of family help.

Given this context, I wonder if my frustration is justified or if I should just accept these family roles silently.

What is a fair reason to skip a family event?

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