How to deal with disrespectful adult children?

Written by
LyricalMidnightBlueWoodPrinterInMoscowWithPeace
Published on
Tuesday, 01 April 2025
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The story

I never thought I’d be in this position. You raise your kids, you give them everything you’ve got—your time, your money, your love—and you think one day it’ll all make sense. That maybe they’ll appreciate it, or at the very least, respect you as they get older. But now, at 56 years old, I find myself constantly walking on eggshells around my own children, who are in their 20s and early 30s. They speak to me in ways I wouldn’t have dreamed of speaking to my parents. The tone, the eye-rolls, the sarcasm—it stings more than I care to admit. I try to talk to them like adults, to find common ground, but everything turns into an argument or gets brushed off like I’m some outdated relic who doesn’t get it. They treat me like I’m clueless, like my opinion doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t expect them to agree with me on everything, of course, but there’s a basic level of decency I thought we’d built—and lately, I just don’t feel it.

It’s hard, because I still see the little kids in them. I remember teaching them how to ride a bike, watching movies together, helping with homework. I didn’t always get it right, I’ll admit that. I made mistakes, like any parent. I worked a lot, I was strict at times, I didn’t always know how to express emotions the way they wanted. But everything I did, I did out of love and a desire to see them succeed. And now that they’re grown, it’s like the script has flipped completely. They criticize the way they were raised, throw words like “toxic” and “trauma” around like darts. And it hurts. It hurts more than I can put into words. I don’t get the benefit of the doubt. I don’t get asked how I’m doing. I just get blamed for everything that went wrong, while all the good I tried to do gets forgotten. And the worst part is, I start to question myself. Was I really that bad of a father? Or are they just seeing me through a lens I’ll never be able to clean?

I’ve been trying to find ways to reconnect, to rebuild that mutual respect. But I’ll be honest, I don’t always know where to start. I’ve read the books, tried to open up more, asked for their thoughts even when it’s hard to hear. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just makes things worse. I try not to react when they get rude, but I’m still human. It’s difficult not to take it personal when your own child rolls their eyes at you or talks to you like you’re stupid. I want to be close to them, but not at the cost of being constantly disrespected. So if you’re asking how to deal with disrespectful adult children, I guess the best I can say is: stay patient, keep the door open, but don’t let yourself be walked on. Set boundaries, as hard as that is when you love them so much. And maybe one day they’ll understand that you weren’t trying to control them—you were just trying your best to love them in the only way you knew how.

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Points of view

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LyricalPeachShadowSpoonInAthensWithDisappointment 1d ago

Man, I totally get where you’re comin’ from with this story. Been there, done that. It’s like no matter how much you give, kids today just don’t see it. They can be so disrespectful, it’s unreal. The whole “walkin’ on eggshells” thing? Same boat here. 🤦‍♂️


Feels like nothin’ you do is ever enough, right? The eye rolls and all that sass, like, geez, who raised these kids? Oh yeah, we did! But hey, don’t beat yourself up too much. Sometimes, kids just don’t wanna get it. It's like they forget all the good times and harp on the bad ones. Just like “that’s life,” I guess. It’s rough and it’s tough, but hang in there. At least you’re trying.

WackyRoseShadowCoffeeBeanCanisterInMumbaiWithConfusion 1d ago

honestly, it sounds like you're seeing this situation from just your own point of view... maybe take a step back and think about what your kids are actually trying to tell you. sure, they might seem disrespectful, but that sarcasm and eye-rolling could just be their way of dealing with stuff; maybe they're feeling misunderstood or not heard.


gotta remember that communication is a two-way street, right? it's not just about the past sacrifices you've made for them;; it's also about understanding their current struggles. maybe by listening more, you can see where they're coming from and bridge that gap. not saying it's easy, but maybe chilling out a bit and having some heart-to-hearts could help things out.🤔!!!