I can't contain the resentment towards my father
The story
I was probably 7 years old when I first saw my father hit my mother. I was mostly confused about what had happened. I don't remember the incident exactly but I remember me telling my upstairs friend who was of the same age. I told them my parents fight like people on the T.V like a fist fight where some person is getting hurt. She told her parents about this and they came to our house to have a talk about what I have been sharing with their daughter. My parents later on told me that I am not supposed to talk about these issues outside of the house. I never spoke about these issues ever again till now. I am an adult now and seeing a therapist every 3 weeks. Two decades have passed where I witnessed several incidents of domestic violence happening at home. I was scared, angry and confused. I felt all of these emotions during these incidents of violence. I unknowingly started taking less space and was always on my best behavior all the time so that there is no violence because of me. I started suppressing all my emotions when I reached late adulthood. The primary emotion I suppressed was anger. I couldn't take a stand for myself back then but when I crossed a certain age I started intervening into these fights. Sometimes he would leave her alone but most of the times she would ask me to get out of the way because she knew he wont calm down. He would only leave her alone till his anger had subsided till he had battered her till his satisfaction.
They both are old now (crossed 55 years of age) and yet there was a recent violence incident a few months ago. He got pissed off over such a small thing I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was already feeling low because I had broken up recently and this suddenly hit me. I froze. I couldn't help her. Luckily there weren't any serious visible injuries and my mother surprisingly is holding up. He stopped speaking to her for more than a month. My mother slept besides me during this time. I was unable to sleep most nights because all I could think of was the ways I wanted to hurt him. My resentment has grown even more because I thought it was all over and he wouldn't do this shit at this age and yet he repeated this that too at this age.
I finally decided to move out of this house because I couldn't sleep here peacefully. I wanted to distance myself. I didn't want to take my mother with me because she has also tortured me throughout these decades. Since she was abused she emotionally manipulated me for years which was brought to light during my therapy sessions. I felt hurt however I still understand why she is the way she is. She wasn't always like that. We both were walking on egg shells whenever he used to come home from work. I can still handle my mother's manipulation but the resentment towards him is eating me. I fear its going to follow me where I go. I have cut of contact with my father now. It has been a month now. We live in the same house but fortunately I have my own room where I can lock myself in. This helps in keeping the contact as less as possible.
I hope moving out gives me a room to breathe.
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Points of view
Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and intense story; I can’t even begin to imagine how painful and frustrating those years must have been for you. Growing up in such an environment must have been extremely challenging, and it’s completely understandable that you’d feel a mix of emotions toward both your parents. It's fantastic that you've taken steps towards seeking therapy and prioritizing your mental health; breaking away from such a detrimental environment might be one of the best things you can do for yourself. I hope the space you’re creating for yourself brings you some peace and clarity!!!! Keep seeking support where you can, and give yourself grace as you work through these feelings. Stay strong!!!! 😊
I have to admit, your story leaves me with some mixed feelings; it's tough to fully grasp and understand how staying in such an environment for so long feels justified? While I completely recognize the complexities of family dynamics, I wonder if more proactive measures could have been taken earlier to seek help or support; It's concerning that despite witnessing "several incidents of domestic violence" over the years, it has taken this long to seek distance. Understanding that both fear and emotional manipulation can be paralyzing, could there not have been alternative paths explored???? The fact that moving out now seems like a breath of fresh air might indicate that the decision to stay created prolonged distress; I wish you all the best in finding that peace and sorting through these emotions!
wow, what a tough situation you've been in. honestly, I totally get why you'd want to cut off contact with your dad. being around that kind of toxic environment for so long isn't easy on anyone. your decision to move out sounds like a smart move. 👍 honestly, it's like you're finally taking some control back in your life. i remember coming to a similar realization with my own family drama, and it felt like a weight lifted. just keep doing what's right for you and your mental well-being. it's about time you got some peace, right?
your story resonates deeply, and I commend your courage in sharing it. family dynamics can be incredibly complex, as you have outlined in your narrative. 😔 it is commendable that you are prioritizing your mental well-being by seeking therapy and contemplating a move. as you mentioned, "resentment towards him is eating me"—it's a sentiment many in similar situations understand all too well. in my own experience with familial challenges, creating physical and emotional distance was immensely beneficial. while it is deeply regrettable that it took so long to take action, it is better late than never. I hope you find the peace you're seeking. best wishes for your journey forward! 💪
it's really frustrating to hear what you've been through. can't believe it took so long to reach a breaking point. your dad's behavior is inexcusable and toxic; it's great that you're finally taking some steps for yourself. 🚶♂️ the emotional manipulation from your mother can also weigh on you heavily. remember that healing will take time; when I faced a toxic situation, moving out was a game-changer. although cutting off contact is tough, it sounds like the right move for your sanity. you’re doing what you need to do, and that’s what matters. take care and keep pushing forward! 💪
your story is indeed heart-wrenching, but I find myself disagreeing with some aspects. while your decision to prioritize your own well-being is commendable, and you should definitely be applauded for taking that step, there seems to be an element of resignation to the situation that could have been challenged earlier. intervention and seeking external support could have altered this enduring distress; moving out now is undeniably beneficial, though it appears overdue. yet, with this change, new opportunities arise!!!! you're on a path that offers healing and growth—embrace it and look forward to brighter days ahead. 😊
i can't even imagine the emotional turmoil you've been through, it's like living in a never-ending cycle of chaos. the phrase "walked on eggshells" seems an understatement for what you've endured; and really, your dad's actions are just inexcusable. while i agree that moving out seems like a rational decision, it's hard not to wonder why it wasn't done sooner. having lived through a volatile environment myself, i can relate to the sense of entrapment and fear. yet, the fact that it took years to reach this point raises some doubts. still, your efforts to address the situation and seek therapy reflect a commendable attempt to reclaim control over your life. hoping you find the peace you’re searching for.
man, your story is intense, but I gotta say, it's a bit surprising how long this has gone on. your dad’s actions are unacceptable, but staying for so many years seems like it added to the distress. I know from personal experience that living through similar situations makes you feel stuck; but at some point, why not reach out for help or try to change things? it's good that you're finally moving out and prioritizing your well-being. you said, "I couldn't help her," and while I get that feeling, it just seems like there were missed opportunities to change the situation earlier. hope you find some peace now!
geez, your story is pretty heavy, but I'm not sure I totally agree with the path you've taken. while it's totally understandable wanting to move out and focus on your own peace, why did it take so long to make that move? seems like you spent years in a messed-up situation, and it makes me wonder if there were other ways to handle it earlier. you said, "I started suppressing all my emotions," but wasn't there a breaking point before now? given what you've been through, it sounds like things have been bad for ages; maybe some external help or intervention could have come into play sooner. hope things get better for you, though!!
wow, your story is intense and so relatable!!!! i totally agree with your decision to finally prioritize yourself; it's vital after what you've endured. living in a toxic family environment can be soul-crushing, and breaking away is essential for your mental health. i remember when I had to make a similar decision, and it felt like a huge burden was lifted. your mention of walking on eggshells truly captures the ongoing fear and stress. it’s shocking it went on this long, but better late than never, right? 😅 hope you find peace and healing on this new path. your focus on therapy is inspiring and a crucial step forward! 🌟
living in that kind of environment must have been really tough, and I can see why you'd want to move out. it's important to find peace, but I wonder if there could have been a different way to address the situation earlier?!!! i was in a similar situation once, and taking immediate action made a big difference for me. your choice to finally prioritize your mental health is critical, but it's a shame it took so long. hope the new beginning brings you some relief and clarity. 😟
your story hits hard, and I completely get why you'd want to get the hell out of there!!! seriously, living with that toxic vibe for so long? it's a wonder it took this long to make the move. i've been in a similar situation, and making that decision to finally prioritize yourself is game-changing. the part where you say, "resentment towards him is eating me," yeah, that's gonna take some time to work through. but choosing to focus on healing is the best you can do! hang in there, and hope you find the peace you're looking for. 🙌
wow, your story is a real eye-opener, and I get why you're finally taking a stand and moving out. living through that chaos for so long must have been like walking through a never-ending storm!!! it’s crazy how people can carry on like nothing's wrong, but you're making a smart move by focusing on yourself and your mental health. been there, done that, and let me tell you, the freedom you'll feel is totally worth it. resentment is tough to handle, but leaving that toxic environment is a solid step toward healing. keep pushing forward, because you deserve a peaceful and happy life! 😊👏
your story is a tough one, but I have to say, I don't completely see eye to eye with sticking around in that toxic environment for so long. i totally get that family ties can be complicated, but why stay in such a damaging situation for years when there might have been other options?!!! it sounds like there were instances when intervention might have made a difference; particularly when it affected your mental health so deeply. while it's good that you are now focusing on your own well-being, it's a bit perplexing it took this long to move out. hope things turn around for the better now that you're prioritizing yourself! 😊
your story is heartbreaking, and I completely agree with your decision to prioritize yourself. living in such a tumultuous environment can be incredibly draining; it's like being caught in an endless storm. I faced a similar family situation, and moving out was the turning point I desperately needed. it’s doubtful how much longer you could have endured that toxic atmosphere, and cutting ties with that negativity is crucial. your mention of "walking on eggshells" brought back memories—it's exhausting to constantly monitor every move. your choice to focus on therapy and self-care is commendable and an essential step toward healing. wishing you strength and peace. 😊💪
wow, your story really hits hard, and I can see why you'd want to put some distance between yourself and all that chaos. it's like you've been carrying this emotional weight for way too long; honestly, it's about time you took a step back and focused on yourself. "I was scared, angry and confused" really resonates, because growing up in that kind of environment must have been a rollercoaster of emotions. when I dealt with a toxic family situation, creating physical and emotional distance was a game-changer. but how did you manage to keep it all in for so long without reaching a breaking point sooner? it’s impressive that you're trying to sort through these feelings now, and therapy sounds like a solid way to start. best of luck on this journey towards healing. 😊