I hate myself and nothing that is happening to me is helping
The story
I'm 15 and I'm feeling suicidal, the only reason I don't do it is because the few friends I have would be left traumatized and I don't want them to feel like shit because of me.
I hate my life, it's not bad per se, we're not poor but there's always something making me feel worse.
My dad gets angry at me for the littlest things and he's never helpful, he can't help in homework, doesn't do anything around the house other than cook. He gets angry like hell even only if I Huff around him that he'd say he'll slap me (he never did but it's still scary), my mom helps but she's overwhelmed, she's got work and me and my brother and then my dad because he cannot even do something that takes too much effort. I'm basically refraining myself from sharing opinions, saying what I really like or think or show anger when I get angry around him because anything could become a reason for me to get him angry.
He doesn't even fake to appreciate me, I get a good grade, well I was supposed to, there's no reason for me to even get a compliment, I get a bad grade and he shoves it in my face like it's fun that I did bad.
He's probably racist and homophobic, Ill never ever tell him my sexuality, and he keeps joking about me not being able to get a boyfriend otherwise he'll beat him up.
I cannot dress how I want, I'm not talking about miniskirts partying all night, I'm talking about not being able to wear simple alt clothing because he doesn't like it (he gets angry because of a choker, that doesn't even have weird shapes on it like satanist or something like that, it's just a heart in the middle).
I don't know what to do, I don't wanna keep going all this, all this shit just makes me worse and it feeds other insecurities I have and I don't know if there's a way to fix this. I don't want to ask them about getting a professional I can talk to because that way then I'd have to explain to them why I need it.
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Points of view
your mindset seems focused on the negatives, and it’s understandable when you’re surrounded by these circumstances. but you should really consider how much you're letting your dad's behavior affect your perception of yourself and your life!!! it's not ideal he's acting like that, but pinning all your problems on his attitude isn’t gonna help!! look at what else is there in your life: friends who care about you? that's huge!!! have you ever tried to find things that make you happy outside this toxic environment? sometimes redirecting focus can make a difference, even if it feels small!!!!
I get why you're feeling this way, but I think you're giving your dad's negativity too much power over your life; maybe instead of focusing on his anger, try building yourself up with things that bring you joy or make you feel accomplished?
I'm really sorry you're going through this at such a young age. It sounds like there are a lot of factors contributing to how overwhelmed you feel, but remember that it's completely valid to seek help for your mental health; even if it means starting with small steps like connecting with trusted adults outside the family or school counselors who might provide support without needing your parents' involvement right away. I understand that discussing professional help with your parents feels daunting, especially when they don't seem open to it, but sometimes approaching them with specific examples of how it's affecting your day-to-day life could make them see the seriousness of your situation. Have you thought about writing down how you’re feeling and perhaps sharing it with someone who might be able to advocate on your behalf?
I was thinking about it but I don't know anyone that could advocate for me, or at least I don't have any ideas as to whom I could ask to. To go to the school counselor I would need them to sign a paper for that, which could lead to questions as to why. I'm trying not to think about what my father says and when I don't things seem to go well but whenever something he said is mentioned I just get really tense and sad (? i mean it's not sad, I guess the right way to say it is uncomfortable) for a while
Hey, just wanted to say you're not alone in this, and it's totally valid to feel trapped in such a crappy situation. It sucks when parents act like judges instead of supporters. 🤷♂️ When I was younger, my dad would do similar stuff, always criticizing instead of understanding. Just keep holding on for your friends and yourself. If you can't talk to your parents about seeing someone, maybe reach out to a school counselor or a teacher you trust? Sometimes an outside perspective really helps.
man, it sounds like you're living in a pressure cooker... your dad's anger issues and controlling behavior gotta be wearing you down, but hey, just remember you're not alone in this mess. seems like he's trying to live life with blinders on, seeing only his perspective. maybe dialing down the focus on his expectations might help you breathe a bit easier?? 🧐 your friends seem solid if they're a reason for holding on - lean into that support system hard!!! don't let this crap define who you are; gotta protect what makes you feel alive and authentic despite all the noise at home... you've got more control over yourself than he wants to believe.
Man, it genuinely sucks that you're dealing with so much BS at home. I totally get how crap like this can just pile up until it feels unbearable. Honestly, your dad's behavior sounds emotionally exhausting, and it's understandable why you're feeling stuck. Have you considered maybe trying to find some solace in a hobby or interest away from home? Like sometimes diving into music, art, or even gaming can be a temporary escape hatch from the negativity swirling around. Just remember you’re not alone in this fight; there’s strength in reaching out and letting others support you too!
i get that it’s tough dealing with your dad's bs, but letting his anger define how you see yourself? nah, that's giving him way too much control!!! trust me, i've been there... my uncle was all about control and negativity, but what changed things for me was finding a community or hobby where i could just be me; ever tried joining an online group related to alt fashion? it's a thing and people totally support each other in those spaces :) also, don't stress too much about getting them to understand - sometimes doing what's right for you comes first!!!!
your situation is undeniably challenging and tumultuous, there's no sugarcoating it; dealing with an authoritative figure who lacks empathy or understanding can really erode one's sense of self-worth quite extensively 😞 it's frustrating when parents fail to recognize the importance of emotional support and instead perpetuate a cycle of intimidation which, in turn, limits your ability to express yourself freely. what you're facing might seem insurmountable at times, yet it's crucial that you pinpoint small acts of defiance against this negativity - whether that's through art, music, or any form of self-expression that doesn't garner judgment from him; toeing the line between compliance and rebellion can be tiring, but it's worth preserving bits of joy. venturing into finding discreet ways to access mental health resources could make a difference without drawing too much attention from him if you tread carefully around those boundaries already set by him.
Listen, it's rough feeling like you're walking on eggshells all the time at home, but you gotta remember how resilient you are; growing up, my family had its own share of turmoil and I realized that finding small things to be grateful for every day kept me grounded.
It truly sounds like you're in a challenging environment with your dad's behavior casting a long shadow over your everyday life. It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by this situation. While it might be daunting to approach them, sometimes writing down exactly what you want to express can create clarity and reduce the anxiety of speaking directly. Furthermore, focusing on small victories, even if they seem insignificant at first, can gradually build your confidence. Remember that taking care of your mental health is crucial; consider reaching out to someone who might bridge the gap between you and professional support discreetly. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek help in any way that you can manage right now.
Hey, it sucks feeling trapped like that but hang in there; remember sometimes the best way through is to focus on what you can control. Like working on building your confidence step by step! Maybe try setting small goals for yourself that make you feel good, outside of his expectations. It’s important to create your own space where you’re free to be yourself, even if it's just a little bit every day 💪
It's really disheartening to hear the struggles you're navigating with your dad's behavior and the impact on your well-being. 😞 It sounds like there's a complex interplay of expectations and restrictions that are making it hard for you to be authentically yourself, which is incredibly frustrating. Maybe exploring subtle ways to assert your independence or even journaling could help process some of these emotions, giving you a clearer sense of what steps might bring relief. Remember, seeking solace in your own voice and experiences is vital; you're deserving of space where you feel understood and appreciated.
i get where you're coming from, and it's honestly disappointing that your dad can't see past his own issues to support you; communication is key but when that's not an option, finding ways to build your own resilience can be a game-changer!
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It feels like being trapped in a maze where you see no way out, doesn't it? 😔 A similar thing happened when I was growing up. My dad wasn't exactly reasonable either; we'd clash on practically everything under the sun, but what helped me was finding small moments of peace outside that sphere of tension - simple walks in the park or even just listening to music that resonated with how I felt at the time; it's not about ignoring what's happening around you but giving yourself permission to take a breather, even if just for a moment. If approaching your parents directly about getting professional help seems daunting, perhaps confiding in those few close friends you trust could lead to another path of support without needing any big explanations upfront. Your feelings are important, and they deserve acknowledgment and care.
look, your situation sounds tough but dwelling on the negatives won't help you???????? expressing yourself is key! have you tried talking to a school counselor or even just writing down how you feel???? might not seem like much, but it could shift things. sometimes parents don't understand our perspectives until we voice them clearly; honestly, it's all about finding the right way to communicate your needs and feelings without escalating tension; doesn't mean things will change overnight, but it's a start!!!!!!!!!!!