I'm dealing with an insane gender dysphoria.
The story
I'm a 16 year old male. I was born into a religious household, where Christianity was the most important thing for us. I won't be going into this exact part so much, but I want to offer some context. I was beaten up a lot since I was a kid. I still remember many of the things they did to me. Say, that time my mother struck me with the sharp side of a metal ruler for rolling on the ground as an 8-10 year old. I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I was just... rolling on a floor. With no one watching. And my clothes got a bit dirty for an event we had that day. I still remember that time she dropped me in an orphanage for eight hours straight after misbehaving in one of my Taekwondo classes... As an 10 year old. I still remember all of it. And how powerless I felt every time.
Since the start, they made me understand very clearly that I did not have control over my mother, neither on myself. If you're wondering where my father is, he "doesn't like to get involved" in those beatings, since then, my mother lashes into him. My mother has a history of mental illnesses (specifically, depression caused by her even sh#ttier mother). There was no fighting back. There was no chance for me to have a say in anything. My mother had the final word over everything. This only laid the groundwork for the things I'm going through now.
As any traditional christian parent, both my mother and father are extremely homophobic, transphobic, and my mother specifically is racist (and excuses herself by saying that she has black friends, but whatever. That's not the point here). As I entered puberty and started finding out who I was, I found myself liking what they deemed "girly" things. Long, fluffy hair (which, they never allowed me to have), the colors pink and red, Touhou project (a videogame saga)... Eventually, my parents suspected that I might be turning gay.
Every day, they would discuss with me. Every day, they would tell me to remove every single "girly" thing I had. I was pretty homophobic myself back then (and I apologize deeply), but I got forced into going through what a huge chunk of the queer community has to go through when coming out as something.
Every day, it was another discussion. A meaningless talk that extended for hours about my parents telling me that I was heading in the wrong path and repeating bible verses. They didn't want to change their minds. They only wanted to change mine.
Let's go to the present day. I... Don't feel well. I feel powerless and weak. I have seen first-hand that my parents would never accept me for who I truly am. I found out something lately. Every time I saw a trans woman, I could feel my blood boil. I found out... that it wasn't because I disliked transgender people. I wanted to be one.
Of course, I can admit it here. I want to be a woman. I want to be pretty, to be loved... And I know that, probably, that'll never happen. People at my school just see me as an autistic kid from which they ask homework when they need some. People exploit the fact that I'm extremely weak emotionally to their favor.
It all happened yesterday. I saw a video in Youtube of a trans woman telling her Highschool experiences with gender dysphoria. They were terrifyingly accurate with the things I was feeling... and I'll admit it. I felt so horrible while watching the video. It felt like being a wild animal in a cage, only able to watch other wild animals roam free and happily wherever they want. I can't do anything. I'm not anyone. I'm simply an insecure 16 year old.
She was able to achieve her goal, and she had other supporting her... why couldn't I...
I feel so isolated from others and myself. I have no one supporting me. No one asks me what I want. What I desire.
I desire to be a woman. and the thing I know about myself is that it's a strong feeling. I'm not making it up.
I just hate feeling like this so much. I hate knowing that, despite any path I choose to take, no one will love me regardless.
Not even my parents. I understand they want the best for me, but... they are the same ones that threatened me to never forgive me and take me out of their will if I ever come out as something. They would rather forgive me for murder than for choosing to be gay. And I'm not coming up with that, my mother told that to me.
I just... want to be a woman.
At the same time, I know I can't.
I feel like I have NO control over my own life.
I'm stuck like this for... who knows how long.
I stopped feeling comfortable with myself a long time ago.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm myself not a suicidal person, but...
I'm here because I need advice. I acknowledge that, maybe, I'm the wrong one, and I'm willing to accept that, if it is true.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I truly empathize with your circumstances. It's disheartening to hear about the challenges you face in an environment that doesn't support your authentic self. Your feelings of wanting to be a woman are genuine and significant, and acknowledging them is an important step towards understanding yourself better. It may seem overwhelming now, but remember that you're still at a stage where opportunities for change and support will arise as you grow older. There are people out there who share your experiences or can offer guidance—seeking out supportive communities or resources could provide some solace and clarity. Although it feels like an uphill battle today, hold onto hope—the future holds potential for growth, acceptance, and happiness on your terms!!
it's honestly infuriating how you're stuck in such a stifling environment that doesn't allow you to explore your identity; it really sucks feeling isolated and unsupported, especially when your own family seems determined to crush any semblance of who you truly are, but remember that you're not alone in this struggle and there's a whole world out there where acceptance is possible.
Man, that’s a heavy load to carry. Just know you’re not off-base for wanting to live your truth and be who you really are. It’s brutal dealing with parents like that who just won’t see you beyond their tunnel vision. Don’t let them shatter your hopes; keep searching for people who get you and spaces where you can breathe easy—cause they exist! You’ve got every right to chase what makes you happy!!!
You ARE a girl, I know it doesn't seem like it, with no hrt or not looking femmine presenting but you still are one regardless. I know you feel like an outcast but try finding friends who support you and keeping up with your hobbies can help as well. As a minor, there's not much you can but have coping mechanisms and planning. Tumblr and reddit have alot of resources and specific situations like this. Pflag could be near you. You could get a job and save up for going places just to get away. Go on walks. Call yourself as your preferred name/pronouns in your head.
A support group you can join: https://support.therapytribe.com/
Help for when you live in the south: https://southernequality.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/CSETransIntheSouth2019.pdf
Things you can do without your parents suspecting: clear nail polish - shiny and pretty but not obvious (also, just filing your nails can be great, as well as painting your toenails if you have closed-toed shoes in the winter)
lip gloss that’s close to your natural shade, or even chapstick
small makeup things like foundation or a tiiiiny bit of blush
things that smell nice - perfume, yummy-smelling hand soap…
wearing stuff under your clothes
bubble baths
little pieces of jewelry, like anklets or necklaces that hang below the neckline of your shirt
draw flowers on your hands
put on a fun playlist and dance in your room
buy gossip or fashion magazines (or even browse their websites - Teen Vogue, InStyle, Lucky, Seventeen, Allure, Marie Claire, Elle, Nylon, Vogue, People, and Glamour!)
have some chocolate or tea
make a Pinterest of girly things you like - think of it like inspiration for your future wardrobe!
make avatars of yourself post-transition
watch anime or shows (can find girls you wanna be like)
Listening to asmr where you'll be referred to as a girl
Self-acceptance is the only thing you can do.
You can’t un-choose being trans because being trans is who you are- it isn’t always easy, but it’s just the way things are. A lot of trans people wish we had been born with a different axab, but we have to just accept that we weren’t and then make the most of the situation we’re actually in.
How to Come to Terms with Being Transgender As a Teen: https://www.wikihow.com/Come-to-Terms-with-Being-Transgender-As-a-Teen
Trans friendly salon: https://strandsfortrans.org/
What advice would I give to the teenager who is rejected or tormented by their parents for their beliefs, identity or sexuality? Find a sympathetic witness for what you are going through: a friend, a teacher, a school counsellor – someone whose idea of you actually reflects who you feel you really are. You can then hold on to their image of you when times are tough. And most importantly, although it feels like a lifetime, it isn’t. You will be able to walk away one day and build a new network consisting of mutual support around you. Please don't give up! <3
Meeting others: https://www.meetup.com/
Finding queer places or resources: https://www.lgbtnearme.org/
I recommend watching ICKY in YouTube, she has so MANY trans advice videos, she's a trans girl and it's nice just having someone relate to. The big guide(compilation of all her vids): https://youtu.be/xTmIcyA_vdU?si=UJwbDgGJripbsM4G
I also recommend fairyprincesslucy on YouTube and her video, how to secretly transition mtf guide: https://youtu.be/8p5lxX9fmJI?si=VSvp8eSOymVi__D3
I recommend watching leadhead's guide on YouTube about everything: https://youtu.be/xJHlNX56K2E?si=0DFr_EXfE3UtiKT_
And there is also a Google docs of the vid:
https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1YfsLNDa3L6IQD2R39RcrXyYnbT_sAN7TJOR8eE6lL1Y/mobilebasic
You can find alot of trans girl info on YouTube, searching "trans girl guide" or "baby trans"
For voice training: transvoicelessons and renee yoxon are both great YouTube channels!
Here's a link to the trans teen guide:
https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.com/transfeminineresources
You can make friends anywhere, at the grocery store, a walk, neighborhoods, the park, and school. It's like exposure therapy and it's supposed to be scary but you have to push through it. You can start with a compliment of their outfit, their name, their day. Keep trying to socialize and support!
A vids that will help, stop being scared of being disliked by losers: https://youtu.be/dgs3s4ajdXI?si=CbmPg-sxO6Htvt68
It's an amazing video about socializing and the benefits out weight the discomfort for a few seconds. Obviously there are some bad social situations that you will get into but it's still worth to keep trying because you'll end up with an amazing support system 🪷
Dysphoria and isolation(how to stop and make friends :D irl and online): https://youtu.be/vfN9cXswwdY?si=fokGEicYmgtVMjEf
I really hope this helps, another person out there has struggled with what you struggled with, you are not alone. I'm trans as well, which is why I have so many resources, haha.
i can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to go through all that, especially feeling powerless in your own home. it's really brave of you to open up about these deep feelings and the desire for a different life. sometimes, just acknowledging what you truly want can be a powerful first step toward finding peace within yourself. while it may seem like you're stuck now, as you grow and find more independence, you'll have opportunities to explore who you are with more freedom. believe me, there are accepting spaces out there waiting for you where you can be yourself and experience real love and support. hang in there... things can change when you least expect it! 💜
hey, i can’t even begin to imagine the turmoil you’re in; i genuinely think it’s powerful that you’ve come to this realization about yourself despite all the adversity.
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." sure, your parents’ narrow-mindedness is a lot to handle, but your identity is valid, and your future isn’t written by them alone; consider looking into online communities or local LGBTQ+ groups — they might offer support and friendship which could make all the difference. remember, self-acceptance is a journey, not a sprint, and you're already taking brave steps by acknowledging who you are. hang in there 💪🏻
it's clear you're in a tough spot, dealing with all the intense pressure from your family. it's not easy being in an environment that doesn't accept you for who you are. have you considered reaching out to online communities or forums where people have similar experiences? sometimes finding even one person who truly understands can make a world of difference. keep pushing forward—you're stronger than you think!
hey, it sounds like you've been through a lot and it's tough to feel trapped in a situation where you can't fully express who you are. i get how hard it must be feeling stuck between wanting to respect your parents but also needing to be true to yourself. growing up can suck sometimes, especially with all these big feelings and no easy answers 😕 maybe try focusing on small victories for now—like finding little ways to connect with your identity that make you happy. remember, life’s always changing and what feels impossible now might open up later as you gain more independence! hang in there 🙂
Man, hearing what you're going through just hits hard. It sucks to feel so trapped and unable to be yourself when you know deep down who you truly are. But hang in there; even if it feels like the world's against you now, there will come a time when you have more control over your life decisions; it's all about finding those small spaces of freedom where you can be authentically you. Keep holding on to that vision of the future because trust me, it'll eventually get better! 💪🌈
I want to tell you your not wrong not wrong at all. I am 16 years old to and I have been trans I have been non-binary I have been about everything. You are not wrong for feeling this way. I want you to know one day you will be able to be a beautiful trans woman even now you are a woman it just inside waiting to come out. I know the feeling of not being accepted not being understood because yeah maybe no one will understand. I know it scary and I know its hard sometimes I wished I could change myself make myself not want to feel this. But also in a way its empowering and even if your parents do remove you from there will one day you will have a whole new family that will love and support you as you are. I want you to know that you are loved. You are important you matter and every day of every hour of every second someone on this planet was glad you were born and they can't wait to see you become into the beautiful woman you will someday.
in the face of such oppressive familial dynamics, your desire for authenticity is not unreasonable but rather essential, reminiscent of erikson's theory of adolescent identity crisis where the journey to self-discovery is fraught with conflict yet crucial—understand that isolation in your current milieu shouldn’t eclipse the broader horizon of possibilities awaiting; leverage digital spaces safely to reiterate your sense of self and remember "this too
Man, your situation is just heart-wrenching, and it's maddening to see such a lack of acceptance from the very people who should have your back. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are without having to hide it. It’s so frustrating that you're stuck in a place where being yourself feels almost impossible, but try to remember that this period of life isn’t forever. Keep holding onto those dreams and desires because one day you’ll have the freedom to bring them into reality. Don’t let anyone dim your light—better days will come! 🌈
ugh, i genuinely empathize with your predicament. being shackled by family expectations while trying to navigate your true self sounds positively insufferable 😤.
"we must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope" — perhaps focusing on cultivating inner resilience and understanding that the oppressive doctrine of your family doesn’t define your essence might be liberating. consider reaching out to a teacher or counselor—they can sometimes provide unexpected solace or guidance until you’re ready to forge your own path. remember, even in the darkest tunnels, there's always light at the end!
wow, that's quite the ordeal you're going through. i can't imagine how overwhelming it feels to be trapped in an environment that may never truly accept you for who you are. while your circumstances seem bleak right now, don't underestimate the power of time and distance—it has a curious way of reshaping things. even if your family isn't supportive, there's a whole world out there with people who will celebrate you for being yourself. it's like what shakespeare said, "the course of true love never did run smooth," but finding self-love can be just as turbulent yet rewarding. ever thought about journaling or creative writing? expressing your thoughts could give you some control over your narrative and make things feel more manageable. hang in there 🍀
navigating through an environment like yours can be incredibly challenging, especially when it feels like your own home isn't a safe space; have you thought about exploring creative outlets as a way to express who you truly are? art, writing, and music can sometimes offer a non-verbal form of self-expression that feels freeing. consider connecting with supportive online communities where people might share similar experiences and journeys—it's amazing how much support exists out there if you look for it! remember, the future is still unwritten, and there's plenty of room for hope and change in your story;;👩🎨🎶
i totally feel for you, and it's just plain wrong what you're going through. it’s tough being so young and having to face all this alone 😞. on a slightly different note, i've learned that sometimes putting your energy into things you enjoy (like art, music, or even writing about how you feel) can provide a bit of relief and perspective during hard times. everyone's story is unique but know there are spaces where your story will be respected and understood; keep those dreams alive because they genuinely matter 🌟.
hey, i hear where you're coming from, and it's definitely a tough spot to be in. it makes sense that you're feeling lost when the people around you don't get who you are. but, let's be real for a sec—it's hard to see things changing with family dynamics like yours. maybe thinking about your long-term goals could help, like focusing on education or skills that'll eventually give you the freedom to live life on your own terms?? it might not feel like a quick fix, but building a future on your own solid ground could open doors you can't even imagine now. keep looking for those digital communities too; they're invaluable support networks out there!
Mate, I get that you're in a tough spot with your family and all that "holier-than-thou" nonsense they're feeding you, but I've gotta say—feeling like you've got no control over your life at sixteen? That's kinda melodramatic. Think about it: loads of people are stuck living lives dictated by others, and yet they find ways to break free eventually. Life's unpredictable, and sometimes it's just about biding your time till you can make your own choices. This kind of rigidity ain't forever; it's more like a crappy TV show that'll eventually get canceled. For now, maybe try focusing on what you actually enjoy or build connections outside this toxic bubble. Over time, you'll have the chance to be whoever the hell you want
It is evident that your current environment presents a multitude of formidable challenges, yet it is essential to maintain focus on the potential for personal growth and self-discovery amidst these turbulent circumstances; perhaps channeling this energy into building a solid foundation for the future could provide some solace, as resilience has the remarkable ability to transform adversity into empowerment!