I'm trying not to think about it
The story
My sister has been going through a rough time. Her ex did nonconsensual things to her and hit her. He is a big member in the club we are both in. I have been having a tough time with feeling angry. I have been mad multiple times over this, but my sister has been quick to swipe away what happened, and they have been amicable so far. I think that what he did was horrible and wrong and I wish it didn't happen to her. My view of him shifts a lot and I was trying to show him love at first because my sister was trying to move past it. However she has been switching on if she likes him or hates him, or whatever. And I have to listen to all this and try my best to give good advice however she shuts down on me a lot. She has recently been telling a lot of his friends about what happened. But, I think the thing that makes this so hard is that she used to hurt me. When we were younger she used to hit me for being out of line and she would do non-consensual things to me too. I never fully healed from all of this, and it makes it difficult to navigate this situation. I love her ofc, but only until recently have I stopped being on edge around her. It's always in the back of my mind and I hate that it is, because she isn't like that anymore. She was hurting and took it out on me. We've talked about it before and she agreed we both did wrong.. but I never knew about sexual things until she forced it on me. I'm struggling to be there for her when she is switching her mind every second. I'm also afraid she will hurt me.. she hasn't in a decade but it's still a fear, even if irrational. Everyone's telling me "What your sister is going through must be so hard on you." I'm struggling to feel empathy for her, probably because I just swept everything under the rug. I know she shouldn't but I'm struggling to understand why she can't. Today a guy told the ex to back off and not to contact her.. but she has been contacting him. "It must be so hard on you." It is, but for different reasons and no one can ever know about those reasons. I have 3 cans of alc with me and I'm thinking of drinking them. My dad was a drinker so maybe I've got the gene. I tried to tell some friends without being clear but they didn't pick up that today was a rough time for me. SO I just feel so lost and disgusting. I don't want to hear about what she has been through anymore and I want to block it all out. But I'm just having a hard time, because that's wrong, I should be there for her. Then again this isn't about me and I should probably just suck it up. I could barley get through her retelling it to someone else. I had this feeling of almost possessiveness.. she pours all her grief on me and she can just tell other people like it's nothing? Idk why that makes me feel so angry. I'm not sure what to do. If you have any advice I can give her that would help.
Lol, am I the ahole?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey there 😊 I gotta say, I'm not really buying into this whole situation. It sounds pretty twisted, and I don't agree with how things are being handled. TBH, it seems like everyone involved is a bit all over the place, and maybe that's just me, but I'm finding it hard to see how any of this makes sense.
You know there's that saying, "actions speak louder than words," and it feels like the way both your sis and the ex are acting just doesn't add up. 🤔
I've had my fair share of family drama too, and I know it's tough — but man, some of these stories feel like they're just dragging you down and putting you in a nasty spot. Ever thought about how many times similar drama played out over nothing, and looking back, it feels so pointless?
Now, no offense, but considering everything you shared, it sorta feels like there's way too much back-and-forth — like a ping pong game or something — and that can drive a person nuts. One time my buddy was in a similar jam with his sister, and honestly, stepping back a bit gave him the clarity he needed. Sometimes you're too close to see the big picture, you know?
I guess what I'm saying is, maybe it's time to shake things up and do what's best for you, because getting wrapped up in all this back-and-forth can't be great. Plus, who knows — maybe seeing you take a step back might shake things up for her too. 🤷♂️
Stay strong, but I'd think twice before drinking those cans. It's easy to think it helps, but it might just add to the mess.
Hope everything works out for all of you. 💪
Hey, I’ve got to be blunt here; this whole situation sounds messed up and honestly, it’s hard to buy into any of this. 🤨 Forgive me if I sound harsh, but it feels like everyone's decisions in this mess are just spinning in circles without any real direction. Your sister flips back and forth with her feelings like it changes with the weather, and it doesn’t do anyone any good. Ever heard of the phrase “you reap what you sow”? That's all I could think about reading this.
Hello! 😊 I really appreciate you sharing this difficult situation, and I must say, I can relate to certain aspects. Your story seems to be wrapped in complexity. It's like the phrase "between a rock and a hard place." You're doing your best to navigate a challenging emotional landscape, and that's commendable. Your sister's experiences are obviously affecting you deeply, which is understandable given the connection you both share.
From what I gather, though, it's crucial to establish boundaries. Your emotional well-being is important too. As you mentioned, "it's hard," and sometimes stepping back to gain perspective can offer clarity. There's also a lot to untangle considering your past with her, which may complicate how you're processing everything.
And hey, acknowledging your feelings is a step in the right direction. Finding someone neutral to talk to could really help relieve some of the mental load. Remember, you’re not alone in this; seeking support can make a world of difference. Hang in there! 🌟
I'm sorry to hear about the complexities you're facing 😟 it sounds like a real emotional rollercoaster navigating through your sister's experiences and the impact they have on you... it’s understandable to feel conflicted given the circumstances you described: you seem to be managing a tricky balance between supporting her and dealing with your own past experiences with her which can’t be easy!
sometimes creating boundaries can help in clarifying these muddled emotions the phrase: "self-care isn't selfish" comes to mind especially when handling situations that carry such emotional weight 🤔
have you considered discussing these issues with a trained professional who might offer an outside perspective or strategies to address these challenges? stay strong in this journey!