I push everyone away, because I feel tainted and ruined.
The story
First time doing this so bare with me.
I have a hard time forming connections with people, and when I do, I keep them at arms length. At first I thought I was just socially anxious I am but. The more I think about it and trauma around my past. I feel like if I form any deep connections with other people, I feel like if I expose my past (that's filled with abuse from family members) I believe they will take advantage of me or they'll view me as something that I know I'm not. But, feels confirming and believable, I feel like I am used and broken, and no one wants to hang out with a broken person like me so I just keep it in until it burst out and everyone stops and looks. "Like wow a stable guy in my life turns out to be a emotional loser." I don't vent to anyone and if I do it's just simple things in life to be negative about. But my trauma is borderline some kids edgy character backstory on deviantart. So in turn it's too much to handle. I feel too much to handle. I feel like I need to prove my worth over and over, like I am worth loving and given attention. But, some days I feel like an annoying abused dog, I get happy and I get excited when I see someone but if something triggers me I bark and bite. I feel too much and trying to get help, but with me always pushing away people I have no support group and just professionals that are just there to be professionals. I pushed away my recent ex because she hurt me but I feel like I ruined everything for getting hurt. I don't know, everything feels confusing but I know I will eventually get better but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
honestly i understand what you mean. trusting people is hard. but honestly if you open up to someone and they think badly about you that is their lost. that would be very insensitive and rude of them if they did act like that. as for your ex it is a good thing to move on. your right about things getting better and i always try to tell myself that too but sometimes hope is a rare thing. you're so right about the light at the end of the tunnel because many times that tunnel honestly just seems never ending. anyways i know we are all anonymous but i truly wish for things to start brightening up for you. i hope you have a great day :) p.s it was nice reading you and other peoples stories, it reminded me that everyone has their own hardships, all we can do is try our best and keep moving forward right?
kinda see where you're coming from, but "trust isn't built in a day" like in project management (yep, sorry, my domain was the best example I could find...), takes time and effort!!!
Honestly, saying it's easy to move on from an ex oversimplifies emotional complexity; as for the whole hope thing, feels like a risky investment sometimes, right??? look, the light at the end of the tunnel idea can be misleading, like chasing a mirage, ya know??? everybody has different timelines for healing, just gotta respect that pace...
wow, your story really resonates!!!! totally get how forming connections can be tough 🤔 your resilience shines through your words, and that's commendable!!!! everyone has their own timeline for healing, right?? embracing your journey and seeking help is a huge step!!! keep at it, and things will definitely brighten up!!! believe it or not, opening up can be freeing, even if it feels daunting at first!!! you've got this, and there's a world of possibility ahead 🌟
dude, that sucks, and i totally get where you're coming from!!! dealing with trust issues and past trauma ain't a walk in the park, that's for sure!!!! your story is real and raw, and it speaks to a lot of people going through similar stuff; it's tricky trying to let people in when you've been burned before, right?? but hey, don't count yourself out just yet, life has a way of turning around when you least expect it! keep pushing forward, even if it feels like you're stumbling in the dark...
man, your struggle is real and i totally get it!!!! forming connections can be like navigating a project with limited resources, it feels impossible sometimes; but don't let that stop you from trying!! opening up can feel like a risky venture, but sometimes taking that leap is the only way to break down those walls!!!! keep in mind, healing is not a linear process and that's okay!! life has a funny way of throwing you a lifeline when you least expect it, just hang in there!!!!! 😊
I understand your perspective, though I perceive it somewhat differently. It's crucial to remember that developing meaningful connections is akin to constructing a foundation in structural engineering—it requires time, patience, and precision. While I comprehend the hesitancy in revealing your history, assuming others will automatically take advantage of you might limit potential relationships; "We accept the love we think we deserve." Pursuing therapeutic avenues could offer valuable insights, helping reshape your perceptions. Keep in mind, life's unpredictability often leads to unexpected but delightful surprises. 🌼
really feel your story, and it’s totally relatable!!! similar experiences have taught me the same things. when you've been through tough times, forming bonds can feel like conducting a high-risk operation; every step seems delicate. your feelings of anxiety around deep connections make perfect sense. life can sometimes be like this unpredictable journey, and acknowledging the hurdles is half the battle. you've got a clear understanding of your situation, and that awareness is a solid foundation for moving forward. hope you find peace and clarity on this path!!!
I can totally relate to what you're going through. It's like trying to navigate a minefield while blindfolded, right? Opening up about past trauma is like standing naked in front of an audience—vulnerable but also liberating. Just remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and sometimes our scars tell stories that others may find inspiring rather than intimidating. I used to think my past was a giant boulder dragging me down, but I've come to see it as part of my resilience toolkit. Keep seeking those professional voices—they provide objectivity that friends might not be able to. Stay hopeful; the tunnel might seem long now, but even the smallest flicker of light can guide you forward. 🌟
look, i get that it's a mess, feeling like you're too much and all. but honestly, thinking you're broken beyond repair is just selling yourself short. everyone’s got baggage; yours doesn’t define you unless you let it. it's not fair to assume people will see only your damage when there's so much more to who you are. yeah, building connections is tough: like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces... but give folks a chance to prove they're not out to hurt you. even if things seem cloudy now, remember storms do pass and leave room for some sunshine eventually. keep pushing through the fog, it’s way better on the other side!
I can understand where you're coming from, but I have a slightly different take on the situation!! It's easy to feel like past experiences and trauma might make you seem unapproachable or "broken" to others; however, it's important to realize that everyone carries their own set of challenges and imperfections. Assuming that people will only focus on your flaws is not entirely accurate: they might surprise you by seeing the strength you've gained through adversity!!
I can empathize with the struggle you're facing when it comes to opening up and forming connections. It's like trying to configure an intricate system without a manual, right? Realizing that everyone is dealing with their own internal battles might help; "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." The fear of being viewed solely through the lens of your past is understandable, but it's vital to remember that vulnerability can actually enhance trust rather than deteriorate it; your story isn't just a "DeviantArt" anecdote—it's part of what makes you resilient. While professionals can seem detached at times, they're trained to guide you in uncovering new coping mechanisms and breaking down those barriers. Keep exploring therapy options, as they can reveal more methods for fostering safe relationships and gradually altering how you perceive yourself 🤔
It sounds like you're carrying a heavy load, but remember that vulnerability can actually be your superpower; by allowing others to see the real you, not just the polished version you think everyone expects, you invite deeper and more authentic connections that could help reshape those inner narratives.
Dude, it sounds like you've built up quite the fortress around yourself, but how about giving people a shot at surprising you? 🤨 I mean, we all think we're these walking nightmares sometimes, but reality check: people are way more forgiving and understanding than you might believe. Sure, therapy can feel like talking to robots occasionally, but they can honestly help piece together that "puzzle with missing pieces” you're living with. Trust me, it's not about proving your worth again and again—sometimes just being you is enough for others to appreciate. Keep pushing forward; every step counts!