Is this a normal thing for parents to do??
The story
Hi, I'm just turning 19 this year and finally making decent friends. Never really had friends so most things that happened in my childhood got deemed as 'normal' and pushed aside. until now. I was telling this one story to my friend about how my mom used to handle conflict between me and my sister and she told me it was basically abuse. I waved it off cause like in my mind my mom had done way worse then that so if the worst wasn't abuse how was this abuse? anyway I'll tell you all the story and see what you all think.
So it started with me and my sister. So me and my little sister are 6 years apart (im the oldest). My mom always forced us to play together even if we had completely different interests cause 'sisters play together'. whatever, we played together. But we'd always get into fights. so my mom came up with a new rule, anytime our arguments got out of hand and disturbed whatever she'd be doing we'd each need to pick a toy out of our separate favourite toy bins and throw them out. She'd make us throw them out while she watched then she'd burry whatever it was at the bottom of the garbage bag and tie off the bag and put it in the garage so we couldn't go dig it out later.
This went on for like 2 years. I was 7 when I remember it starting. it only ended when I was 9 cause I freaked out and in my mind I thought I upset my mom and that's why she stopped.
The last time she did it my sister and I were arguing and she was done with it. but instead of making us choose a toy she took away a huge bin of stuffed animals we had in the basement and said she was throwing the whole thing out that weekend. it was Tuesday. I only remember it was Tuesday cause I cried for three days straight. Only cause my favourite stuffed animal, a unicorn my great aunt gave me before she died, was in the bin.
I begged and cried for three days. three. told my mom I'd clean or do more chores or anything but she wouldn't budge. went to school crying, sat at home crying, even cried in bed cause at that time I slept with that unicorn overnight and now I didn't have it.
finally on Friday my mom randomly comes into my room, gives me the unicorn without a word and she never did the throw out rule again.
I didn't know why she stopped, I just guessed it didn't work how she wanted so she moved on to something new.
But my friend says this is really bad and I didnt' know. Like I genuinely thought this was normal and now im really confused and questioning my whole life???
Let me know what any of you think, I'm really hoping for some outside input here.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Honestly, it sounds like your friend might be overreacting a bit because while it’s definitely harsh and not the best way to handle things, every parent has their own quirky style for dealing with sibling squabbles, and sometimes that means weird punishment methods—but calling it "abuse" seems like a stretch!
wow that's totally harsh! :o
i gotta say, your friend's jumping to conclusions a bit too quickly here; sure, it was an intense way for your mom to handle things, but labeling it as abuse feels over the top; some folks have a warped sense of discipline that's more about maintaining order than being intentionally cruel. my parents used to take away privileges like tv time or dessert whenever me and my bro went at it; nobody's perfect, you know? sometimes people think childhood stories are more traumatic than they really were because everyone's experiences differ so much. stay positive—you're growing and developing healthier relationships now!!! remember that your past doesn't define your future connections!
This isn't too bad but pretending to throw out the plushie of a dead relative is a bit fucked up and she probably should've found another way to discipline. I'm hoping she didn't actually throw those toys away, quite wasteful. Other than that, it seems she was trying her best and realized it wasn't a good discipline strategy anymore. 🖤🩷
yo, that's messed up. i mean, destroying your stuff as a parenting tactic? what kinda twisted logic is that??? sure, siblings fight—it happens—but there are way better ways to handle it. your mom sounds like she was just taking the easy way out instead of actually teaching conflict resolution skills. reminds me of my childhood when my dad would just take away our video games for weeks at a time for minor things; didn't teach us anything except resentment. maybe it's time to talk to someone about this 'cause you deserve to understand and process these feelings. ain't nothing normal about emotional manipulation like that.
it's interesting how our views of normalcy can shift when we gain new perspectives. honestly, while your mom's method seems quite harsh and emotionally taxing on you both, it's not uncommon for parents to use tactics they think will teach lessons about conflict resolution. however, the emotional impact it had on you is important to acknowledge and address, especially as you process your feelings now. sometimes realizing the effect certain experiences have had on us is crucial for growth and understanding ourselves better 🤔
Man, it's wild how we realize stuff wasn't as normal as we thought when we were kids. Sounds like your mom was just trying whatever she thought would work to keep the peace, although yeah, some of those methods sound kinda extreme; we've all got some weird childhood stories that make you go "what?" later on. Anyway, it's cool you're figuring this out now and building better friendships—those insights are going to help you move forward and be more understanding in future relationships! 🤞
mate, your mom's toy bin strategy definitely wasn't the best parenting move, but I wouldn't toss it in with straight-up abuse. sounds more like a misguided attempt to grab control over chaos than anything sinister. when my sister and I fought, our folks had us sit at opposite ends of the room until we cooled down—maybe not creative but effective enough lol!!! we all grow up thinking certain things are the norm, only to find out later that they aren't exactly textbook 'healthy'. keep in mind that people can change and learn from their mistakes—as it seems she did—and it's never too late for you to redefine what 'normal' looks like in your life!
dude, that's super intense. 😳 can't even imagine having to throw away toys like that—I would've been devastated too! i'm not the best at this stuff but it sounds like it's more of a control thing than actual discipline. my mom used to do something kind of similar and it was all about keeping us in check, not teaching us anything valuable. maybe chatting with your friends more about these memories could help clear up what feels normal or not—sometimes just sharing helps you see things differently. glad you're finding better pals now who can help sort through this stuff with you!
Damn, that's tough, dude. It's wild how we come to realize stuff ain't normal just 'cause someone points it out; like I'm all for discipline but this sounds off and more like emotional turmoil than anything productive. My cousin had a similar situation where her mom would take her phone away for months over petty dramas—it just bred resentment rather than learning;. But hey, recognizing this now can really drive healing and growth for you! Maybe try talking to your mom about it if you feel comfortable—might shed some light on why she did those things 🤷♂️ Just remember, you got the power to shape your future without that baggage hanging over ya! Stay positive 🙌
It is quite intriguing how childhood practices that seemed routine can later be reevaluated under a different lens; your mother's disciplinary method certainly leaves much room for discussion. The utilization of toy disposal as a conflict resolution technique appears to not only lack an effective pedagogical approach but also potentially inflicted emotional distress on both you and your sister. While it is conceivable that she may have believed this would promote harmony, the psychological implications cannot be disregarded. Analyzing these past experiences critically can play a significant role in refining personal understanding and future interpersonal relationships.
Honestly, your mom's tactics seem like a total overreaction!!!! It's like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut—way too extreme. Making you chuck out your fave toys isn't teaching anything about how to resolve conflicts; it's just a weird way to instill fear and compliance. Parents should be teaching conflict resolution skills in ways that help kids understand consequences without such harsh measures. Anyway, glad you're seeing things differently now and making decent friends! They're gonna help you see what real support looks like and that all of this confusion is just a part of growing up.
it's a tricky situation honestly. while it seems like your mom's method was harsh, she probably thought she was teaching you a lesson in consequences or something like that. i don't necessarily see it as abuse but more of a misguided disciplinary approach. someone once told me that parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual and sometimes they just run with what they think is best at the moment. 🤷♂️ maybe it's worth having a chat with her now that you're older—could help clear up any lingering doubts about what happened back then!
it seems like your mom's approach was more about asserting authority rather than teaching valuable conflict management skills; what was her ultimate goal with this toy disposal rule? the emotional impact of losing your cherished stuffed unicorn definitely points to the fact that her methods might have been more damaging than constructive. reflecting on these past experiences is important as you navigate how they shaped your understanding of relationships and personal boundaries. sometimes our parents' intentions don't align with the outcomes they produce, and it's essential to critically assess their impact on us 💔
having read your story, it's clear that the disciplinary measure employed by your mother can be perceived as unconventional rather than abusive; while it might have appeared effective to her at the time, the removal of toys as a conflict resolution mechanism likely failed in fostering emotional development and problem-solving skills.
bro, that's pretty wild and honestly, sounds more like emotional manipulation than any kind of effective discipline!