Lately, it’s felt like something inside me is breaking in ways I can’t fully explain. Like the pieces of me don’t fit together the way they should. I’m trying so hard to hold everything together, with tape, string, whatever I can find, but it still feels like I’m unraveling no matter what I do. And the worst part is, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I feel lost. I can’t figure out who I am or where I belong, because I can’t even be myself in my own home.

I always feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, trying not to slip up, because one wrong step means I’m going to get yelled at. Especially by my mom. It’s like I live under a microscope, every little thing I do wrong is magnified, and she comes down on me so hard for it. But when my siblings make the same exact mistakes? It’s like she just turns her head and pretends it didn’t happen. Like they get grace and understanding, and I get anger and disappointment. It hurts more than I can say.

It makes me feel like I’m never going to be enough for her. No matter how hard I try, it’s like I’m always doing something wrong in her eyes. I start to wonder what’s wrong with me. Why I’m always the problem. Why I’m the one who gets treated like a burden. And when someone you’re supposed to feel safe with makes you feel like you’re always falling short, you start to believe it.

I don’t say any of this because I want pity. I just want someone to understand. I’m tired. Emotionally, mentally, I feel drained. Like I’m constantly carrying the weight of not being enough. Like I have to be perfect to avoid getting hurt, but perfection isn’t even possible. So I feel trapped. Stuck in this cycle where I try, fail, get yelled at, and then try even harder just to not get hurt again. I’m scared to mess up. Scared to even speak sometimes.

And the more I try to bottle it all up, the more it eats at me. I feel like I’m crumbling from the inside out. I want to feel like I matter. I want to stop second-guessing every little thing I do. I want to feel seen, and loved, and like I don’t have to constantly earn my place. But right now... I just feel broken. And I needed to say that. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s hard. I just needed you to know how I really feel

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