just need to share and not feel like i am bugging anyone
The story
I want to start this off by saying that my dad isn't too bad most of the time. most of what he does, he does because he thinks it is the best thing for us. and a lot of the issues that I have with him are caused by the way that he was raised. I do love my dad, but sometimes he does things that hurt me a lot emotionally, even if it is unintentional.
the thing that I am really upset about right now is that he just threatened to shoot my dogs. I have a couple dogs that live inside the house. one of them has some issues with going potty inside the house. this is largely in part due to the fact that the lady who owned my dog before me never took her dogs outside, and trained them to use a litter box i side the house. now my dog never wants to go outside, but we do the best we can to make sure that she spends enough time out there. that being said, she still makes a mess I side every now and then. it is certainly not ideal, but i clean it up and move on with the day. well, today, she had another one of those accidents and my dad found it. he got all pissed off and threatened to unlike both of my dogs. I doubt he would even actually do this, but it still really hurts to have to picture my life without them in it. I love them so much, and I can't understand why he would threaten to take that away. he saw how hurt I was when our past dog passed. I could barely function, and I still miss her every day. I know that he thinks that saying that is just tough love and will make the problem better, but all that it does is cause unnecessary hurt and resentment. I wish I could talk to him about this, but he is the kind of person who doesn't want to listen to his teenage daughter once he gets an idea in his head because he wants to be the man of the house. I have tried talking to him about these issues, but he never listens. so I have just given up. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. especially since he knows how hurt I would be if anything happened to them.
the second big issue that I need to talk about is the church that he makes us go to. it is a Christian church, but it is horrible. it uses heavy fear mongering tactics, while preaching about love. the church is also quite sexist. they talk about love all the time, yet anytime anyone stops going to church or believes something different, they will turn their backs on them. I have grown up seeing my cousins stop going to church, and then hearing my family talk about how they are going down the wrong path and how terrible it is. they act like the worst thing a person could do is stop going to church. then when someone tries to ask a question and understand what is going on, they aren't met with love. they are met with yelling and anger because they are questioning the church. this to me seems the opposite of love and understanding. then, people preach about how we are worthless and there is no other good church out there. they also have extremely strict rules that if you don't follow, will keep you out of heaven. and of course, those rules are more strict for women. we are judged for not dressing a certain way, or for even being outgoing and vocal about your opinions. I can't wait to leave the stupid church, but i know that my dad is going to be upset with me. and then I am going to have to explain why I left, which is going to be terrifying. so unfortunately, I am stuck until I move out. I don't think he would disown me or anything for leaving, but he would definitely be upset. and I already know exactly how they are going to gossip about me. and don't get me wrong, religion has done a lot of good for a lot of people. but it has also been used as a tool to hurt and control a lot of people. I was brainwashed for the longest time to believe that I had such a wonderful family, and that I was so lucky that I was born into this church. then I started to realize how messed up everything was, and how messed up my extended family is that goes there. I don't have time to get into all the details right now, but just know that it is really bad. now, I can't stand anything to do with religion. it has been shoved down my throat so much all my life, that I can't have anything to do with it. which is tough because I would love to be part of a good, loving church community, but I just can't do that right now, and probably won't be able to for a long time. anyway, thanks for reading all of this, I hope you have a great day
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wow, that's a lot to deal with at home 😕 totally get how frustrating it can be when "tough love" feels just plain hurtful instead. sounds like your pups are super important to you, and it's good that you care so much about them ❤️ have you thought about trying a professional dog trainer? it might help with the indoor accidents?? also, I can't imagine how hard it must be feeling trapped by the church situation. fear-mongering is the opposite of what any community should be about!! have you considered looking for online communities that share your values so you don't feel so isolated? hope things get better for you soon!!✨
sounds like you're in a tough spot, but honestly, threatening to shoot the dogs seems way overboard. i get your dad is old-school and strict, but come on. accidents happen, especially with rescue dogs that come with baggage. training takes time, and it's not like they're doing it on purpose just to piss him off.
as for the whole church situation, yeah, that sounds like a bit of a cult, not a place of worship. preaching love while spreading fear is messed up. but hey, you're basically calling out your dad's beliefs and just expecting no fallout? he's gonna have his views no matter what, and thinking you can just change his mind might be a bit naive. my folks used to drag me to church too, and i just tuned out during sermons. one day, you'll have your own freedom, but until then, maybe just grin and bear it. have you tried just laying low and not making waves? might make life easier, even if it sucks.
not to be harsh, but your dad's "tough love" approach might actually get results. your dogs clearly have a behavioral issue, and it's your responsibility to address it promptly. seriously, something like professional dog training is a good investment. just ignoring the problem won't make it go away. about your church complaints, everyone faces institutions they don't agree with at some point. you might as well get used to different perspectives. adopting a victim mentality won't help you in the long run. when i didn't like my family's traditions, i figured out a way to tolerate them until i was independent. why not focus on finding common ground instead of constantly resisting?
geez, your dad's behavior is way out of line!!! threatening to harm your dogs is absolutely unacceptable behavior from any family member; I totally agree with your feelings of hurt. he's imposing fear and it's not justified in any way. his method of "discipline" may have traumatized you more than taught you anything useful, and frankly, that's not okay. the church situation sounds like a complete nightmare too, so I can't blame you for wanting out. the contradiction of preaching love but using fear for control is mind-boggling!!! you can't expect people to thrive under such oppressive conditions. hope you find a way to navigate through all this bs!
sounds like u got a lot goin' on. ur dad's threat bout the dogs wuz way too much!!! they just need some proper behavior modification, right? my own dog took a while, but with time she improved. ur feelins bout the church r totally valid. places like that which "preach love" but use fear can mess with ur head. i had a similar situation and it wuz tough till i could make my own choice. do u think talking to another family member might help?? hope you find support and better days ahead!!!
man, that's a rough situation you're in!!! your dad's threats about the dogs are just uncalled for, doesn't he realize how much that can mess with you mentally? him thinking it's "tough love" is so outdated and emotionally distorting. dealing with pets that have been conditioned with improper habits is already stressful, and having someone threaten them just adds to the chaos. i had a cat once that peed everywhere when stressed, but time and patience sorted him out; no threats necessary.
and that church scenario sounds absolutely toxic. see, religion should be about inclusion and support, not judgement and control. it's infuriating how they talk about love but resort to fear tactics to keep people in line!!! i had similar issues when i was younger, and it takes a toll on your own beliefs and confidence. think about focusing on the positive aspects of your values and beliefs outside their influence. what are you doing to keep sane and hopeful in all this craziness? hope things improve for you soon!
I empathize with your situation, and I can understand the difficulty of dealing with a parent whose discipline methods may seem overbearing or harsh. Ensuring that your dogs are safely integrated into the household is challenging, particularly when inherited behaviors complicate matters. Seeking guidance from a professional dog trainer may be beneficial in addressing these issues more effectively.
Regarding the church environment you described, it appears to be in conflict with the fundamental principles of compassion and understanding. It's disheartening to encounter religious settings that employ fear as a tool for compliance, as it undermines the supportive community that faith is meant to foster. When faced with similar concerns, I found value in focusing on my personal spirituality outside the constraints of such institutions. Perhaps finding like-minded individuals who share your vision of a positive community could provide some solace and support. How do you plan to approach these challenges moving forward? Wishing you peace and resolution in these matters. 🌟
i get that you're upset, but your dad might have a point about needing a stronger approach to training your dogs. 💡 sometimes a firm hand is necessary to change a pet's behavior, especially if previous owners didn't set proper boundaries; ignoring the issue just won't work forever. it's possible your dad's words come from frustration and not genuine intent to harm.
as for the church thing, i do wonder if your experience there has left a totally negative impression without you exploring other sides of the story. it's normal to feel conflicted about beliefs when surrounded by people with strong opinions, but not everyone in a religious community uses fear tactics, right? could there be a part of the church that offers something positive you might be missing? have you considered looking at it from a different angle? 🤔
man, that's a tough spot you're in!!! your dad's reaction about the dogs is seriously over the top. i've dealt with pets that had behavioral issues, and yeah, it's frustrating, but violence ain't the way to go; you just have to be patient and consistent with training. honestly, it's like he doesn't get the emotional impact that has on you.
the whole church thing sounds pretty messed up, too. "preaching love but spreading fear" is such a hypocritical move and can really mess with your head. been there, suffered through that, and it sucks! i remember my folks trying to push their rigid beliefs on me, and it just made me resent the whole setup even more. you're stuck for now, but keep your own beliefs close and hang in there. i'm curious, though, have you ever thought about confronting your dad about how all this is making you feel, even if it's just a shot in the dark? 🤔
sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and it's understandable why you're frustrated. threatening to harm your dogs is seriously uncool; i get that accidents happen, and it's not their fault they were trained improperly before you got them. maybe some patient training could help out.
as for the church thing, it's a bummer when places that are supposed to be about love use fear instead. that's definitely not what it should be about. i remember once feeling out of place in a community that seemed way too focused on judgment. it's tough to navigate that kind of environment, especially when you're not on the same wavelength. have you thought about any ways to cope while you're still there? hope you find some peace soon.
i hear where you're coming from, but i think there might be a more balanced way to look at things. i know you're upset about your dad's threat to the dogs, and sure, it sounds extreme, but maybe he's at his wit's end and just doesn't know how else to get through. sometimes, when people lash out, it's less about what they say and more about them feeling overwhelmed 🤔. a solid training routine could help improve the situation with your dogs, though.
as for the church, it seems like you're rightly put off by the fear tactics, but every community has its set of issues. even though they "preach love," maybe not everyone there is as closed-minded as it seems. i grew up in a strict church environment too, and while there were parts i struggled with, some people were genuinely kind and understanding. might be worth seeing if there's anyone there who can be supportive. have you tried finding those who might share your perspective within the church? sometimes, allies in unexpected places can make all the difference. 🙃
your dad's threats towards the dogs are reprehensible and completely misplaced. that's not how you deal with behavioral issues. dogs require patient training and understanding, not threats or intimidation. i had a dog with similar issues, and training helped significantly.
the church situation is equally disturbing. a place that "preaches love" but uses fear tactics is fundamentally hypocritical. it's outrageous and unacceptable for any religious institution to impose such fear-based dogma. i once attended a church that operated similarly, and it left a terrible impression. the communities you're surrounded by should foster acceptance, not judgement. how do they justify their actions under the guise of love and compassion? everything you're experiencing is totally unjust!!! 😡 you deserve better than to be in an environment that constantly undermines your well-being.
i completely understand your frustration, and I empathize with your situation. your dad's reaction towards your dogs' behavior is indeed excessive; addressing behavioral issues should be approached with patience and understanding rather than harsh threats. a more structured training regimen might offer a positive solution. regarding the church environment you described, it seems to be deeply contradictory to the values it claims to uphold. "preaching love" while employing fear as a control mechanism is indeed troubling. i can relate, as I experienced a similar environment growing up, which led me to question the sincerity of such teachings. maintaining your personal beliefs while navigating such a challenging atmosphere can be tough, but it's crucial to remember that your experiences and feelings are valid. have you considered seeking out alternative communities that align more closely with your values? 🌟
about the church, i get why you're mad, but maybe there's something useful there if you look deeper. "preaching love" while using fear is definitely not cool, but maybe some folks there are genuinely kind and worth knowing; i've found that in unexpected places. not every church member is going to follow the same ideals, right? have you thought about looking for the good aspects within your current community, or maybe finding others there who share your questioning mindset? 🤔
for the church situation, i get why you're pissed, but not everyone there is going to think or act like the ones who are ticking you off. "preaching love" while running a fear campaign is definitely hypocritical, but every community has people with different perspectives; it might be worth trying to find those who get where you're coming from. have you ever thought about talking directly to someone in that church who seems more open-minded? could give you a better idea of the different vibes there. 😉
i totally get why you're hurt by your dad's comment about the dogs. sometimes people say things in anger that they don't truly mean, but it doesn't lessen the impact it has on you; maybe a calm conversation when things settle down could help clarify his actual feelings. also, have you thought of some training strategies or professional advice to address your dog's potty issues long-term?
as for the church situation, it's rough when places meant to offer community and love are filled with contradictions. everyone deserves a space where they feel supported rather than judged for their beliefs; have you considered exploring other spaces or online communities that share a perspective more aligned with yours?