just need to share and not feel like i am bugging anyone
The story
I want to start this off by saying that my dad isn't too bad most of the time. most of what he does, he does because he thinks it is the best thing for us. and a lot of the issues that I have with him are caused by the way that he was raised. I do love my dad, but sometimes he does things that hurt me a lot emotionally, even if it is unintentional.
the thing that I am really upset about right now is that he just threatened to shoot my dogs. I have a couple dogs that live inside the house. one of them has some issues with going potty inside the house. this is largely in part due to the fact that the lady who owned my dog before me never took her dogs outside, and trained them to use a litter box i side the house. now my dog never wants to go outside, but we do the best we can to make sure that she spends enough time out there. that being said, she still makes a mess I side every now and then. it is certainly not ideal, but i clean it up and move on with the day. well, today, she had another one of those accidents and my dad found it. he got all pissed off and threatened to unlike both of my dogs. I doubt he would even actually do this, but it still really hurts to have to picture my life without them in it. I love them so much, and I can't understand why he would threaten to take that away. he saw how hurt I was when our past dog passed. I could barely function, and I still miss her every day. I know that he thinks that saying that is just tough love and will make the problem better, but all that it does is cause unnecessary hurt and resentment. I wish I could talk to him about this, but he is the kind of person who doesn't want to listen to his teenage daughter once he gets an idea in his head because he wants to be the man of the house. I have tried talking to him about these issues, but he never listens. so I have just given up. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. especially since he knows how hurt I would be if anything happened to them.
the second big issue that I need to talk about is the church that he makes us go to. it is a Christian church, but it is horrible. it uses heavy fear mongering tactics, while preaching about love. the church is also quite sexist. they talk about love all the time, yet anytime anyone stops going to church or believes something different, they will turn their backs on them. I have grown up seeing my cousins stop going to church, and then hearing my family talk about how they are going down the wrong path and how terrible it is. they act like the worst thing a person could do is stop going to church. then when someone tries to ask a question and understand what is going on, they aren't met with love. they are met with yelling and anger because they are questioning the church. this to me seems the opposite of love and understanding. then, people preach about how we are worthless and there is no other good church out there. they also have extremely strict rules that if you don't follow, will keep you out of heaven. and of course, those rules are more strict for women. we are judged for not dressing a certain way, or for even being outgoing and vocal about your opinions. I can't wait to leave the stupid church, but i know that my dad is going to be upset with me. and then I am going to have to explain why I left, which is going to be terrifying. so unfortunately, I am stuck until I move out. I don't think he would disown me or anything for leaving, but he would definitely be upset. and I already know exactly how they are going to gossip about me. and don't get me wrong, religion has done a lot of good for a lot of people. but it has also been used as a tool to hurt and control a lot of people. I was brainwashed for the longest time to believe that I had such a wonderful family, and that I was so lucky that I was born into this church. then I started to realize how messed up everything was, and how messed up my extended family is that goes there. I don't have time to get into all the details right now, but just know that it is really bad. now, I can't stand anything to do with religion. it has been shoved down my throat so much all my life, that I can't have anything to do with it. which is tough because I would love to be part of a good, loving church community, but I just can't do that right now, and probably won't be able to for a long time. anyway, thanks for reading all of this, I hope you have a great day
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wow, that's a lot to deal with at home 😕 totally get how frustrating it can be when "tough love" feels just plain hurtful instead. sounds like your pups are super important to you, and it's good that you care so much about them ❤️ have you thought about trying a professional dog trainer? it might help with the indoor accidents?? also, I can't imagine how hard it must be feeling trapped by the church situation. fear-mongering is the opposite of what any community should be about!! have you considered looking for online communities that share your values so you don't feel so isolated? hope things get better for you soon!!✨
sounds like you're in a tough spot, but honestly, threatening to shoot the dogs seems way overboard. i get your dad is old-school and strict, but come on. accidents happen, especially with rescue dogs that come with baggage. training takes time, and it's not like they're doing it on purpose just to piss him off.
as for the whole church situation, yeah, that sounds like a bit of a cult, not a place of worship. preaching love while spreading fear is messed up. but hey, you're basically calling out your dad's beliefs and just expecting no fallout? he's gonna have his views no matter what, and thinking you can just change his mind might be a bit naive. my folks used to drag me to church too, and i just tuned out during sermons. one day, you'll have your own freedom, but until then, maybe just grin and bear it. have you tried just laying low and not making waves? might make life easier, even if it sucks.
not to be harsh, but your dad's "tough love" approach might actually get results. your dogs clearly have a behavioral issue, and it's your responsibility to address it promptly. seriously, something like professional dog training is a good investment. just ignoring the problem won't make it go away. about your church complaints, everyone faces institutions they don't agree with at some point. you might as well get used to different perspectives. adopting a victim mentality won't help you in the long run. when i didn't like my family's traditions, i figured out a way to tolerate them until i was independent. why not focus on finding common ground instead of constantly resisting?