So, just to give some context I'm the same person from this one: https://iiwiars.com/family-drama/i-hate-myself-and-nothing-that-is-happening-to-me-is-helping

Things aren't going better, I try to concentrate more on the good things than the bad ones but shit still happens way too much. My dad keeps getting angry at my brother, my brother doesn't care about anything and he keeps having these outbursts if things don't go how he plans and he just says he won't do that thing anymore, my mom's tired and I still hate this place.

Some years ago I honestly thought about escaping (tiktok at that time played a part in it too), right now though I don't think that anymore, it's not because I don't want to get the hell out of here but because I just because I can't do it. If I had an option to just teleport to a better family and better place I would right now.

My dad, well from the last post I already said he's not the best, but I feel like now he's getting worse. All he does is get home from work and slouch on the couch using his phone, then saying we are the ones addicted to it when he won't even get up and get off his phone to grab the charger in the other room and instead order us to do it. because yeah, I can't say no, if I do I'll have my phone, tablet and computer blocked because at 15 I still have parental control on all of them (they can see my position, what apps I download, what sites I visit and some things are age restricted or blocked directly). I don't like it and I've tried multiple times to ask them to change it since they say they use it only to look at my position and I give them another app only for that and he says it's not my choice and that as long as they like it then there's no need to change it, he says that if I had nothing to hide then I wouldn't need to change the app. Me or my brother don't eat at dinner or eat little? it's because we had a lot of snacks, even when we haven't had any, and sometimes we're forced to still eat more even though we don't want to, otherwise everything gets blocked. For a period I had my bedroom door taken away because whenever he called me I wouldn't hear because I kept it closed and so he took it off and I didn't know how to put it back on, which is an incredible shitty thing because where's my privacy? well he said "what privacy? it's just your bedroom". this all in the span of some years, like middle school until now. I can't wear some clothes because they're 'only for carnival' (it's alright fashion, goth type of things, nothing that shows ass or boobs, just specific type of jewelry that maybe has bats and spiders or was 'Halloween -like').

Another things that makes me really uncomfortable is the hypocrisy of him. My brother (who's 13) has a female friend that he's close to, they all praise him because he could be having a girlfriend. I have a close male friend and he says he would beat up any boyfriend I'll have. that makes me super uncomfortable because, why can't I have the freedom to get a partner, why can't I just be romantically involved with someone without the fear of being found out? (I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and tbh sometimes I think what stops me is in a little part also because of this).

then once I went out with my best friend and her boyfriend and we went around the town in his car, he's responsible and he's had his driving licence for enough to be trusted. but when I told my dad he said to not go in the car again and if I do it again he's gonna go to him and beat him till he bleeds (obviously him still going in his car with my friend and him, just not telling my dad and when I get dropped off, always away from my house).

I cannot swear, I don't mean I can't say incredibly bad swear words, I mean that if I only say 'f*ck' and he hears it he'll get angry. I don't get why? I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not saying it to anyone, I'm not insulting anyone. but he can swear against God (I'm not religious but it's still a swear word, even worse than that) and we cannot say anything about that, he can be racist and homophobic and we can't say shit about that. the only time my brother confronted him about it (I'm way too scared to do it myself that one day he'll just snap and get real angry or get violent, especially because sometimes he threatens to beat us if we don't act good) he answered that he wasn't racist but some (words I'm not going to say) are just all criminals.

I hate this place and sometimes I want them to just get a divorce, but I get scared: what if end up with my dad? what if instead of my mom getting better, she gets worse? what will happen to us?

I just hate it.

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