My Family is still shit
The story
So, just to give some context I'm the same person from this one: https://iiwiars.com/family-drama/i-hate-myself-and-nothing-that-is-happening-to-me-is-helping
Things aren't going better, I try to concentrate more on the good things than the bad ones but shit still happens way too much. My dad keeps getting angry at my brother, my brother doesn't care about anything and he keeps having these outbursts if things don't go how he plans and he just says he won't do that thing anymore, my mom's tired and I still hate this place.
Some years ago I honestly thought about escaping (tiktok at that time played a part in it too), right now though I don't think that anymore, it's not because I don't want to get the hell out of here but because I just because I can't do it. If I had an option to just teleport to a better family and better place I would right now.
My dad, well from the last post I already said he's not the best, but I feel like now he's getting worse. All he does is get home from work and slouch on the couch using his phone, then saying we are the ones addicted to it when he won't even get up and get off his phone to grab the charger in the other room and instead order us to do it. because yeah, I can't say no, if I do I'll have my phone, tablet and computer blocked because at 15 I still have parental control on all of them (they can see my position, what apps I download, what sites I visit and some things are age restricted or blocked directly). I don't like it and I've tried multiple times to ask them to change it since they say they use it only to look at my position and I give them another app only for that and he says it's not my choice and that as long as they like it then there's no need to change it, he says that if I had nothing to hide then I wouldn't need to change the app. Me or my brother don't eat at dinner or eat little? it's because we had a lot of snacks, even when we haven't had any, and sometimes we're forced to still eat more even though we don't want to, otherwise everything gets blocked. For a period I had my bedroom door taken away because whenever he called me I wouldn't hear because I kept it closed and so he took it off and I didn't know how to put it back on, which is an incredible shitty thing because where's my privacy? well he said "what privacy? it's just your bedroom". this all in the span of some years, like middle school until now. I can't wear some clothes because they're 'only for carnival' (it's alright fashion, goth type of things, nothing that shows ass or boobs, just specific type of jewelry that maybe has bats and spiders or was 'Halloween -like').
Another things that makes me really uncomfortable is the hypocrisy of him. My brother (who's 13) has a female friend that he's close to, they all praise him because he could be having a girlfriend. I have a close male friend and he says he would beat up any boyfriend I'll have. that makes me super uncomfortable because, why can't I have the freedom to get a partner, why can't I just be romantically involved with someone without the fear of being found out? (I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and tbh sometimes I think what stops me is in a little part also because of this).
then once I went out with my best friend and her boyfriend and we went around the town in his car, he's responsible and he's had his driving licence for enough to be trusted. but when I told my dad he said to not go in the car again and if I do it again he's gonna go to him and beat him till he bleeds (obviously him still going in his car with my friend and him, just not telling my dad and when I get dropped off, always away from my house).
I cannot swear, I don't mean I can't say incredibly bad swear words, I mean that if I only say 'f*ck' and he hears it he'll get angry. I don't get why? I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not saying it to anyone, I'm not insulting anyone. but he can swear against God (I'm not religious but it's still a swear word, even worse than that) and we cannot say anything about that, he can be racist and homophobic and we can't say shit about that. the only time my brother confronted him about it (I'm way too scared to do it myself that one day he'll just snap and get real angry or get violent, especially because sometimes he threatens to beat us if we don't act good) he answered that he wasn't racist but some (words I'm not going to say) are just all criminals.
I hate this place and sometimes I want them to just get a divorce, but I get scared: what if end up with my dad? what if instead of my mom getting better, she gets worse? what will happen to us?
I just hate it.
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Points of view
Man, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of stuff going on at home; it's tough. I get that things feel pretty overwhelming right now, but there's gotta be some way for you to carve out a bit of peace... even just little moments where you can breathe?? Remember, things won't always be like this!!
wow, the constant surveillance and lack of privacy might feel as though your autonomy is being eroded…
it might be worth considering strategies to gradually ease tensions at home or seeking advice from someone you trust outside of the family circle. remember, maintaining open communication where possible can sometimes help in changing dynamics, even if just a little bit… it’s already that :-/
That sounds really tough. The double standards at play, especially with how differently you're treated compared to your brother, must be extremely frustrating 😬 It's hard when it feels like you're constantly walking on eggshells, worrying about setting someone off. I hope you find some small ways to hold onto your independence and maybe even build a few connections outside to lean on. You deserve to feel safe and respected, even if it's just in smaller circles for now!
i'm really sorry to hear you're going through all of this, it sounds incredibly overwhelming. it's tough being stuck in a situation where you feel like you have no control and your privacy is constantly invaded. have you tried talking to your mom about how all of this makes you feel? it might help if she understands from your perspective how suffocating and unfair things are.
hey there, it sounds like you're in a real tough spot; your situation seems super frustrating with all these double standards and lack of privacy you have to deal with. i can imagine how suffocating it must feel when you're not allowed to express yourself or make choices for yourself without getting unnecessary flak; believe me, that level of control isn't something any teen should have to endure. 😐 have you thought about talking to a counselor at school or someone you trust who doesn't live under the same roof? sometimes just having an outlet outside your immediate family can help ease some of the tension, even if it's just a temporary relief. trying to focus on what brings you joy (like hobbies or friendships...) might give you a tiny escape from everything happening around you right now until things start looking up. hang in there, and remember that change takes time but it's possible!
dealing with such control and inconsistency in behavior sounds like a real mindfuck; the whole parental control thing at your age is absolutely overbearing, not to mention the blatant hypocrisy. your dad's authoritarian approach screams insecurity, and it's crazy that he doesn't see the irony of his actions while accusing you of being "addicted" to screens; it's just unfair.
it's concerning how much control and monitoring is placed over your life, which can feel suffocating at times; perhaps exploring small ways to assert some independence or finding hobbies and interests that give you a sense of autonomy could help you cope better in the midst of these constraints.
it sounds like you're in quite an oppressive situation 😕 the level of control your dad exerts is indeed stifling, and I can see how it might make you feel trapped. a long time ago, when i was dealing with similar challenges at home, i found that journaling provided a way to process my feelings without fear of being judged or reprimanded; providing such an outlet could lend some emotional clarity amidst all this chaos. try setting small goals for yourself:achieving even minor things outside the family's sphere of control can foster a sense of autonomy and help build resilience; remember that life changes continuously, and while everything seems bleak now, maintaining patience and determination will eventually open new doors 🧩 you've got more strength than you realize!
It's genuinely disheartening to read about your predicament, and the stark contrast between how you're treated compared to your brother echoes a troubling pattern of gender-based bias :(
for me, it seems like your dad's actions are driven by control rather than constructive parenting...
man, your situation's like a soap opera with the drama cranked up to eleven, but you've gotta wonder if living under such heavy-handed control is actually teaching you any real-life skills or just breeding resentment?
Your situation seriously sucks, but you've got to find that tiny sliver of hope and strength within yourself to push through.
being in a situation where you're constantly monitored and criticized must be exhausting, i totally get that feeling of wanting to escape; it sucks when your home doesn’t feel like a safe space, but hang in there!
Hey there! It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and I get why it feels suffocating. The disconnect between what you want (a sense of privacy and independence as I can read) and your dad's restrictive behavior is really evident. It's kind of ironic that he accuses you of being on your phone too much when he's doing the same thing! 🤔