My mom has NEVER been caring
The story
My mom has NEVER been caring or even considerate towards others since I was little, even then, I believe I only remember her that way because most children under the age of 5 cling to their mother's hip.
My mother was a hardcore drug addict up until my little brother was born (I was 4) and she was forced into rehab so she could get treatment for the cancer they discovered in her thyroid during that pregnancy. My newborn brother and I lived with my nana during that time. When my mother returned, we moved. My mother has had a pattern of constant moving most of my life, up until the age of 9.
My mom after cancer treatment was different. She's never been the same since that, not that I can remember it well. My mom became aggressive towards me, often pinning blame on me, and constantly raising her voice, she switched to constant alcohol consumption in place of the drugs. My mom became a revolving door, men came in, and went out just as quickly, most of them, if not all of them, were losers as well. Slowly over the years she's stepped further and further away from me.
If we skip ahead to when I was about 11, my mother started seeing a new guy, another loser. Soon enough, she gets pregnant with my younger sister, and the guy my mom is with leaves in the blink of an eye.
In her 9 months of pregnancy, my mom got with two other men, both of them constantly staying in the home. The second of the two stuck around, he stuck around for 3 years, but that didn't make him any better than the rest. He was verbally abusive, to me, and my 7 year old brother. My mom didn't bat an eye, saying it was "plain discipline". We would get screamed at and spat at if we forgot to open the curtains during the day or missed a spot while sweeping. It only got worse.
I used to be ahead of everyone in my classes. I was smart, now I struggle to pass classes below my grade level. I was smart until my mom and her boyfriend made me stay home from school, sometimes for weeks at a time, so that they could go out all day, with no care about my newborn sister or I. I was 12 and I was the primary caregiver for a newborn baby. My resentment towards my mother didn't just grow during that time, it had multiplied by the minute. It reached it's peak at some unmemorable point in my life. I lashed out, getting physical with her and admitting my hatred flat out. I don't remember what happened after that, but it was only a mental decline from there.
I started to neglect my sister when she was in my care, not causing her harm, but letting her cry for a few minutes before trying to calm her. I would neglect my younger brother as well, often cussing at him and stepping on his stuffed animals. I would be reprimanded when my mom an her boyfriend got home, but at that point, I didn't care. I was already upset, a bit of yelling only made me cry, I grew used to it.
Me and my brother changed drastically in those few years until my mom eventually broke up with that boyfriend and kicked him out. My mom only broke up with him because he started to lash out at her. She still keeps him around though, making him pay to see my sister, who isn't even her biological father. It's sickening. She's had multiple boyfriends since then, most I can't remember.
As much as I hate to admit it, I find myself jealous of my younger sister, who is now 5 as I write this. I feel upset by her situation as well though, and my brothers. It is of my mothers accord that I have no father figure, she cheated on him 2 weeks before they were supposed to marry. She was 7 months pregnant with me at the time.
My younger brother, and sister especially, grew close to my mothers ex, both of them starting to grow close as he continued to pay for visitations. He tried to be there for me as well, and I admired him for that, though I never clicked with him. He changed, becoming caring and kind, a real dad to my siblings. My mom never changed.
When I was about 16, my mom kicked me out and I moved into a room in my nana's friend's house. I had to live off old peanut butter and bathroom tap water the entire time, until recent, when I got a cheap dive apartment.
Eventually, without warning, my mom cut her ex out of all our lives, including mine, replacing him with what she wanted me to accept as a father figure, a familiar face. The man my mom had cheated on my father with. Apparently the guy (who we'll call J) was divorcing his wife of 10 years, and got back with my mom, moving in with her and my siblings. It's cruel. I know my mom only cut he ex out of my siblings lives because she thinks J is going to be upset with her, and possibly leave her, for still having her ex around.
Now she's begging me to come home, saying J misses me. He left her when I was two. I don't know him.
My entire family, excluding my little sister, hates my mother. We all know what she is. She a self-centered, filthy excuse for a woman.
Recent examples to justify my personal distaste towards my mother include :
When I left mainstream school and got put into alternative school because of constant bullying and harassment. At the interview with the principal of the alternative school, my mom constantly spoke over him, making it hard for me to hear what he was saying. She turned the 20 minute interview into a 2 hour interview by not allowing me to speak, answering the principals question for me with incorrect answers, all while using her fake sweet and professional voice. She spent most of the time rambling on about how she was a cancer survivor, a single mom, and how she was going back to school for a social work degree. The principal had to reminder her multiple times that he was interviewing me, not her.
Another example is when I booked my own appointment at my GP's office to discuss my meds and get an up on my dose. My mom called me while I was leaving, wanting me to come over and babysit. She asked what I was doing, and when I told her I was leaving the GP's office because I just got my dose increased she snapped at me, saying I made her look like a bad mother and I need to tell her these things (I was living with my nana at the time by the way. I rarely spoke to my mom at the time unless she needed me to lend her money or babysit).
I feel upset when I see my sister because she's grown into a little version of my mother, and my mom's killing her. My mom blames everything but herself, saying my sister must have a genetic disorder. My mom feeds my sister to keep her quiet. My sister weighs over 100lbs at the age of 5, she has leg issues due to this, as well as respiratory and cardiological issues. She's slowly dying, and my mom fails to acknowledge that, too occupied with herself.
My mother angers me, and I need to express that. My mother ruined me.

Is my hate towards my mother justified?
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Points of view
i empathize with the challenges mentioned, but isn't it possible that the mother's behavior could stem from unresolved trauma and addiction issues? while the impact on you and your siblings is undeniable, could there be more complexity to her actions, like underlying mental health conditions? the narrative shares many hardships, but could some experiences be reconstructed differently through professional support? 🤔
really sounds like you're blaming everything on your mom, but aren't you responsible for your own actions at some point?? i get that your childhood was tough, but using that as an excuse for bad behavior and neglect is a cop-out!!! ever consider she might be dealing with her own psychological issues??? yeah, my own upbringing wasn't perfect either, but that doesn't mean i get to dodge accountability for how i behave now. have you even thought about therapy or counseling??? it could offer some perspective, beyond the blame game...
dude, it sucks that you had it rough, but blaming your mom for everything? come on; everyone’s got a messed-up family story. i had my own drama, but it’s on you to break the cycle. you're gripping so hard on the past, but have you looked into how you can change things for yourself??? sure, your mom made some crappy choices, but life ain't about expecting someone else to fix it. you ever tried sitting down and talking it out with her??? questioning doesn't fix everything, but it sure helps in moving forward. stop the pity party and make your way in the world.
man, that's a wild ride you went through. you’re totally justified in feeling the way you do; sounds like your mom was dealing with her stuff but didn't really notice how it affected you 💔. it's messed up when parents can't get their act together, leaving their kids in the chaos. props to you for surviving it and finding your own way. remember, it's up to you to shape your future, not let her past define you 😉. maybe think about how to move forward and create a better life for yourself. you're stronger than you think!
the situation you described is really challenging 😔. i understand why you'd be upset, but isn't it possible your mom had her own struggles that impacted how she acted? it's tough on everyone when addictions and personal issues are in the mix. just curious, have you thought about seeking support from a counselor or therapist? it could help provide some perspective and assist with healing. sending positive vibes your way 🌟.
kinda seems like ur puttin too much blame on ur mom, honestly; everyone’s got issues, ya know? i get it, ur childhood wasn't great, but aren’t u responsible for how things go now? sometimes it feels easier to point fingers rather than take accountability 🤷♂️. ever thought about how u can change things for urself? life's complex, and there’s usually more to someone's actions than meets the eye. maybe there's more to consider here.
i totally get where you're coming from and agree with your perspective entirely!!! you have every right to feel the way you do, given the experiences you've described. it's tough growing up in such an environment, and it sounds like you had to deal with way more than most kids should. when you mentioned, "my mother ruined me," it's clear how deeply this all affected you. parents should be there for support and love, not chaos and blame, right?? it's like you had to grow up way too fast, and that ain't fair. keep sharing your story, it’s important for your healing journey and for others who might be going through the same stuff. hang in there, things do get better with time ❤️!
seems like you’re blaming pretty much everything on your mom, but isn't it time to take some responsibility? life's tough for everyone, not just you; it's easy to blame parents for everything, but that only gets you so far. maybe try looking at your actions and choices too??? sounds harsh, but c'mon, when do you start living your own life instead of holding on to the past? 🤔
really sounds like you're justified in your anger and frustration. it's truly appalling how some people like your mother can be so self-absorbed. when you mentioned "my mother ruined me," it's quite evident that she's been a toxic influence. growing up in such dysfunction undoubtedly leaves a mark. i'm skeptical that she has any real interest in changing; sometimes people never do. i'm inclined to believe that creating distance from such negativity is the right call for your own well-being. frankly, you deserve much better.
it's really tough growing up in such a chaotic environment. it's like you're constantly dealing with a storm at home, and it's perfectly understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. my own childhood wasn't a walk in the park either, so i kinda get where you're coming from. but you gotta be careful to not let that past dictate your future. sure, it leaves a mark, but it's possible to flip that script. parents sometimes mess up big time, and it sounds like your mom did that. but focusing on what you can control now could be a good move. keep your head up and maybe think about what steps you can take to create a life that's better for you. it's not easy, but it's possible.
i get that you're upset, but laying all blame on your mom feels a bit one-sided; everyone faces challenges, and it's not always straightforward to deal with them. honestly, life isn't black and white, and pointing fingers only gets you so far! my own experience has taught me that sometimes people mess up because they're struggling too. you ever think she might be dealing with her own issues? turning that negativity into something productive will do wonders. focus on what you can control, build your future, and break the cycle. you've got the power to change your path!!!