my mom is such a bird

dude, that's seriously messed up. i get why you're so upset and want to distance yourself from him. but sometimes practicalities suck, right? 😞 like, your education is super important too; think of it as taking control of your future when the past was outta your hands. if you can switch schools or find a way to detach financially later, that might help too;

i see your point, but it might not be so easy to cut ties.

Man, your story is really rough. I get the whole bird analogy but it's kinda harsh to drop that label on your mom when she's been through trauma too; abuse messes with people in deep ways. Honestly, using his status for scholarships feels like just using a tool to get something you deserve and not some tribute to him. Maybe it helps if there's a way you can mentally separate what you've gained from who he is as a person? College is expensive, and sometimes you gotta take whatever help's given. At the end of the day though, your happiness matters more than anything else they try to guilt-trip you into thinking.

That's really tough. Have you considered seeking professional advice on how to handle this family situation?

Bro, that's a seriously messed up situation and it sucks you're dealing with that. Your feelings are totally valid and it's understandable not wanting any connection to him, even financial. Trust your gut on how to handle this mess, but maybe talk with someone outside the family with experience who might offer fresh ideas? Keep pushing for what you want without feeling tied down by their baggage 💪

I get that you feel trapped and it's easy to see why you'd want to sever any connection with your dad. But ditching a quality education isn't the answer; use it as a tool to break free from this unhealthy cycle. The financial support might suck, but think of it as just a means to an end; what's more important is getting out on your own terms. Maximize every opportunity the school gives you and aim for independence because that's where true freedom lies!

idk man, sometimes it's like the reality of needing to use those resources is practical thinking and not just straight up dependency on them; 🤔 like if his past actions are completely separate from what you want your future to be, maybe there's a way to keep building your independence while still taking advantage of what's there. i mean, it totally sucks that you're caught in this kinda bind but as much as cutting ties sounds ideal, practicality keeps those strings sometimes coz switching schools or situations can be a total pain and might not even turn out better financially or emotionally;

Wow, reading your story really hit me hard. It's so understandable that you'd feel trapped between wanting independence and dealing with such a toxic family history. No one deserves to go through what you've been through, and it's absolutely valid to not want any dependency on someone who's caused you so much harm. Maybe focusing on the end-goal could help (your degree and future career) as something that's truly yours, not theirs;

It sounds like you're living in a constant storm of emotions, but try to remember that this is just one chapter of your life... one where you seem resilient and driven despite everything going on. I’ve read about people who started looking into trauma-informed therapy or support groups specifically for those who have experienced familial abuse: that could be another way to find some clarity or peace. I'm no expert, but sometimes outside perspectives can bring unexpected insights that start paving a new path forward! Keep reaching out for support when you need it (even if it's on places like this), because venting has its own kind of power!

It's clear you're hurt and rightfully so. But remember that staying connected to family sometimes is important regardless of the issues. It's a balancing act you have to navigate carefully while maintaining your well-being.

man, that's so heavy... i can't even imagine that kind of childhood. but honestly, your education is a stepping stone to breaking free; it's like using their resources as payback for the shit they put you through. it will be difficult to sever ties completely without causing more issues (emotionally and financially); if switching schools isn't an option now, maybe look into counseling at your current school to help cope while you finish up; your mental wellbeing should come before any family obligation or guilt trip they're trying to lay on you.

it's tough when the very people who should protect us can't or won't. it's super clear you've been through way more than anyone should have to endure and damn, i think you're justified in wanting to distance yourself from all that. but if you do consider transferring, look into every aspect, not just financials; this might be about following your gut and finding peace with whatever choice gives you less baggage in the long run. whatever path you pick, make sure it aligns with where you want to go and who you wanna be without their shadows hanging over you.

totally relatable.

man, that situation sounds unbelievably tough and it's totally understandable why you'd feel so conflicted about all this, but maybe focusing on building your own path independently of them could give you some peace; think about ways to create opportunities for yourself that cut emotional ties even if the financial ones are still there for now.

it sounds like you’ve gone through hell and back, and it's understandable how entangled your emotions must be; maybe instead of seeing financial help from them as a blessing or a curse, view it as just one way to untangle yourself. if the education helps secure your future independence, you’re effectively taking power back over your life. perhaps look into other sources of funding or grants (could be work-study programs or part-time gigs) that might lessen the feelings of being beholden to them. thinking about practical ways to make this chapter work for you might offer some empowerment amidst all the chaos!

could talking to a therapist help?

reading this honestly breaks my heart, man. your struggle is intense and it's tough to find a silver lining in all that chaos; but remember, you don't owe anyone grace when they've caused you so much pain. using those resources doesn't mean you're accepting what they've done, it's more like flipping the script and turning it into an advantage for yourself. maybe consider creating a solid plan for the future that involves your independence, detailing every step needed to distance yourself from them once you graduate because freedom is priceless; talking to someone outside the family might ground you too... look into professional advice or perhaps support groups where people get what you've been through? staying focused on building a life that's 'all yours' could give some peace amidst everything else happening!

omg my dads the same always messin stuff up!

i kinda get where you're coming from, really; it's tough when logic and emotions are pulling in opposite directions. maybe consider this: the path to independence isn't always a straight line. if you can bear with it just long enough to finish your education, you'll have way more options down the road! 🤔 i mean, you'd be setting up a future where you can truly live life on your own terms, without owing anyone anything emotionally or financially. also, it's okay to feel conflicted about your mom... people stay in difficult situations for reasons that might not make sense; a friend's mom once shared how her own traumas kept her in toxic loops, like she couldn't break free even though she saw the harm. so sometimes knowing they're human too helps build

hey, maybe there's another way?

Wow, that's a lot to carry, and it's no surprise you're feeling overwhelmed with everything. It's tough when those who are supposed to be your support system become the source of so much pain. Maybe one way to view this is that you have the inner strength to set boundaries that work for you, regardless of financial ties. You deserve an education without feeling indebted to them, but at the same time, using their resources could also be seen as taking back control from them in some twisted way. It might help to look at the long-term benefits; consider how this education can provide more autonomy down the road, letting you redefine what family means on your own terms.

It sounds like you're carrying a tremendous burden, compounded by the financial ties. Would transferring to a more affordable school potentially alleviate some of this pressure? It could offer a fresh start and lessen dependencies, allowing you to focus on your own path without these entanglements hanging over you. Have you explored any other avenues for funding that might allow more independence from your family situation?

really sorry you're going through this mess. you deserve so much better than being caught between all that toxicity. something to think about: leveraging what you can from them now might just be a way of getting closer to your freedom sooner rather than later. if there's a chance to make things easier for you financially, maybe it’s worth considering, even if it feels crappy. facing the brutal reality that family sometimes doesn't have your back is tough, but focusing on the endgame where you're independent and thriving could help clear some clouds. definitely understand how hard it is detaching with all those layers of pain, but have you thought about connecting with groups or people who’ve been through similar stuff? having someone who's walked in similar shoes might provide a perspective that's both grounding and empowering... just something different to consider amidst all this chaos.