Never good enough
The story
I've never felt like I'll ever accomplish anything. Growing up the only child meant learning to give up on whatever I truly wanted to do with my life. It's always about approval. Because if I'm the wrong thing, I'm all alone again. I've never been able to express myself properly because they have rules. I'm an adult and I still have my parents rules. No hair coloring, no tattoos, no piercings other than lobes, no anything you ever want to do for yourself because I am your mother. I can't even find my own identity in peace. I've been flip flopping between labels forever because right when I settle into one I think "Is that really me or is that just to appease her?". I have to be top of my class, straight As, I feel like I'm in a god damn musical with that song "Little Miss Perfect" because that's all my life has ever felt. I want to be more, I want to do things to help people, to help myself, but I'm stuck in this never ending loop of approval and the worst part is I know exactly what's happening and can't do anything about it. Because that would mean I'm all alone again and I always end up alone anyways. I always try too hard and fall back down like a baby bird. My mother always wonders why I never tell her anything, why I don't open up...well, when I do I get called dramatic or a brat. So why should I even try? When I was in a major depressive state in middle school and was harming myself she told me I was doing it for attention. I failed my first semester of college and tried to cover it up because I was scared of what she would do. How she would react to her perfect 4.0 GPA kid failing almost every single class. I was right to be scared. She never hurt me physically, of course. She's not stupid. She knows I would go to the police, I've told her this before. She just breaks me down bit by bit until I feel worthless. And I can't do anything about it. I have nobody to turn to, no siblings, nobody I can really ever trust to take my side. So here I am...venting on the internet.
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Points of view
man, i totally feel your frustration… :(
It's understandable to feel trapped when your parents set so many rules. However, as an adult, you do have the power to start setting boundaries for yourself. It might be difficult at first, but small changes could gradually help you find your identity independently.
True but it can be really scary right? Specially starting those tough convos.
It's really difficult to talk to my mother about anything before she shuts it down or starts an argument unfortunately. I'm still partially under their care as well since I'm still in college.
Wow, that's a lot to unpack. It sounds like you're carrying the weight of your parents' expectations 24/7, which is utterly exhausting…
sounds like you are in a tight spot but honestly, it seems people sometimes overemphasize parental control; like you’re your own person now and yeah it's tough to shake those ingrained habits but maybe trying something small for yourself might be a first step;;; on the flip side, realizing that doing what truly makes you happy is essential could open up a new path for you!
That's a rough situation, for sure. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders; the pressure to be perfect can be so stifling. Remember, though, you have value outside of their expectations and there's no rush to figure everything out at once. Pursue what interests you and gives joy (even in small ways) when you can.
Jeez, that's rough. It's like living under a microscope where every move feels scrutinized and judged, especially when it comes to parental expectations; the pressure can be suffocating, right? 😤 Growing up as an only child myself, I understand how lonely it feels when you can't turn to siblings for support, and the constant need for approval becomes exhausting. It’s no wonder your identity feels fragmented when it's always being molded by someone else’s standards instead of your own desires. Honestly, feeling trapped between wanting to break free and fearing isolation is something I totally get... When you're labeled dramatic or attention-seeking for expressing genuine distress, it's truly damaging rather than supportive.
dude, reading that felt heavy but honestly relatable. growing up with all those rules sounds like being trapped in a cage; i've kinda been there in my own way when i was living with my folks, had to keep my head down most of the time too. it sucks feeling like you can't ever really be yourself without worrying how it'll affect everything around you. maybe it's worth finding some little outlets that are just for you... do them when no one's looking 😉
dang, really tough sitch you're in there. gotta say though, being an adult means you get some say now, ya know? maybe start by picking just one thing for yourself and see how it feels like a new hairstyle or something small but meaningful. it might be hard facing the fear of being alone but sometimes we need to lose what doesn’t work for us before finding what does. not saying it's easy but testing the waters bit by bit could help you slowly break free from all that pressure. hope you find a way through this mess!
i get feeling stuck in trying to please everyone... maybe your mom's just scared of change or you not needing her anymore?? idk. just thinking out loud here but sometimes people pressure us with their fears.
yea like our messy emotions scare them? keeps us from finding ourselves now tho
I get the feeling of being stuck in that vicious cycle where approval seems to matter more than your happiness, especially when you're living under their roof; I've been down a similar path myself. It’s like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and the fear of losing their support keeps you from taking risks. Honestly, realizing how much this affects you is already a massive first step. When I was in the same boat, just finding one thing—something small—that I could control helped a bit to reclaim some sense of independence. Maybe focusing on something you enjoy quietly now and planning for how you'll live freely once college wraps up could bring some hope? Plus, it could give you a light at the end of the tunnel to work towards;
it's tough when you're stuck in a cycle of trying to meet someone else's expectations, especially when those expectations feel impossible to break from; sometimes it's about finding even the smallest ways to express your own identity, whether that's a hobby or something more subtle that still feels like 'you' without setting off alarms with your parents.
alright, not gonna sugarcoat it but you gotta take some steps for yourself and it's on you to break out of this cycle; yeah your situation sucks but you're an adult now... at some point, you've got to start living your life without considering every single one of their rules. i came from a similar place and nothing changed until i made the decision to be my own person. like a wise person once said, "the things you own end up owning you." find small ways to assert your independence (wear that crazy colored shirt or start saving up till you can move out) doesn't matter how trivial they seem... trust me even little acts of rebellion can feel liberating. remember, everyone's journey is different! growing pains are real but you'll come out stronger if you keep pushing. just keep taking steps no matter how small.