Refusing Financial Aid Over Family Insults: Justified?

I've been in a happily married life with my spouse Dan for over five years now. We both have solid careers and, thanks to our combined efforts, we're quite secure financially. While it's true that Dan earns a bit more than I do, we've never seen our finances as anything but shared. We work as a team and distribute our responsibilities fairly.

However, there's a persistent issue that has been bothering me; it involves Dan's brother, Joel. Over the years, Joel has repeatedly made snide remarks, labeling me a "gold digger" under the guise of humor because I earn less than Dan. He mostly does this in social settings, and while I usually brush it off with a laugh to keep the peace, it's become increasingly irksome. Despite my consistent contributions to our household, Joel's jokes suggest I'm merely living off Dan's earnings.

The situation escalated when Joel, along with his wife, asked us to financially assist them with their share for a family vacation, citing their inability to afford it. After discussing it with Dan, we decided against providing the help. Given Joel's ongoing disrespect towards me, supporting their leisure didn't feel right.

Upon our refusal, Joel attempted to dismiss my feelings by claiming I was overreacting and that his comments were just harmless fun. But I'm fed up. Now, Joel is upset, and some relatives are echoing the sentiment that I'm blowing things out of proportion and that "family should help each other." Though Dan supports me, part of me still doubts my decision. Am I just being overly sensitive?

Now, imagine if this whole scenario played out on a reality TV show. Camera crews capturing every sneer and comment from Joel, the tense discussions with family, and the dramatic showdown of our refusal to fund their vacation trip. Viewers would likely be polarized. Some might sympathize with my irritation at being unfairly labeled, while others could perceive my reaction as too harsh, perhaps urging more family solidarity despite the personal digs.

Am I wrong for not helping because of ongoing disrespect?

Should I help my brother-in-law financially despite his insults?