So is my father abusive…?
The story
Look at this as well “more of my traumatic experiences” for better understanding and I just need to know.
So uh… yeah. I think my father is abusive…? Like not anymore I think..? But he does yell a lot and is quick to anger, even though he wasn’t here for 6 years? Just mentally- he was physically here but… I don’t think sitting in the same place for 6 years counts.
So I’ll paint the picture. 8 year old girl walking home from school, house filled with yelling, door creaking open. So I open the door, I hear yelling..? A bit of crying and pleading..? And a sharp smack. So I immediately run up the stairs in my 8 year old mind. I get to the top of the stairs.
I’m at the top of the stairs, bag sliding off my shoulders. There it fucking lies. This fat piece of shit slapping my mother, MY FUCKING MOTHER. THE WOMAN WHO IS MAKING SURE WE AREN'T HOMELESS. I’m scared, nervous, angry, confused, and I felt an urge. A urge to kill him. A want to see him bleed out there, him gutted stuck in a ditch. I mean.. he used to be a truck driver after all, it’s well deserved. But no, I’m a literal child. But I wasn’t weak. I’m strong. I’m strong enough to keep my mom safe.
I saw my mom’s teary face, hands clasped infront of her chest. My dad’s- no. This fucking spawn of satan hitting her in the face. Her face red, family photos on the wall laughing in my fucking face like a joke. My mom said, “Oh my god! (name)go to your room!” I listen, I’m a fucking 8 year old, I listen to my parents, I wasn’t a bad kid. Right? Just saw something.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
damn, that's heavy stuff... childhood trauma's no joke and leaves lasting scars. parents should be a source of love and safety, not fear and violence!!! it's good you're aware of what you went through tho, kinda like knowing your battle scars. maybe talking to someone pro about this could help process all that anger & confusion? it might be tough facing it, but healing starts with acknowledging the pain. hope things get better for ya 🙏
Wow, that's an intense memory; it's incredibly brave of you to share it. It's hard coming to terms with a parent's behavior when they should be your protector. Have things changed now that you're older, or do those feelings and memories still impact you today?
Honestly it comes and goes? Like say I’m sitting in math class zoning out, and I’ll randomly think of it?
I'm sorry you had to witness such traumatic events at a young age. It's terrible when a parent acts like that, and it's totally understandable to feel the way you do. You showed remarkable strength by wanting to protect your mom even as a child. Always remember that what you experienced wasn't your fault, and it's okay to seek support or talk about it as much as you need. 💔
man, that's a helluva thing to go through... watching your dad act like that must've really messed with your head. 😡 it's so shitty when the people who are supposed to protect you turn out to be the ones causing pain. confronting those memories is tough, but it sounds like you've got some serious resilience in you. maybe channeling all that anger and confusion into something positive could help?? keep strong, you deserve better 💪
I’ve been talking to my friends more after school, and honestly it’s helping! I’m planning on telling them about this since yk- we are more of an open group about these types of things. But i definitely think I’ve got it the worst 😅
man, i can totally see how all of this must be weighing on your heart, especially as an 8-year-old kiddo witnessing all that chaos at home; it sounds terrifying and it's completely natural to feel confused and angry about the whole thing 🤯 i'm really glad you felt strong enough to prioritize keeping yourself and your mom safe despite being so young. sometimes the people who are supposed to protect us end up causing so much hurt and confusion instead 😞 i remember when i was a kid, there was shouting in my house too—never got physical but the yelling left a mark for sure; you're not alone in dealing with these rough memories. keep reaching out whenever you need to, it's tough but you're handling it better than most!
Tyyy! I honestly feel myself slipping? Like I’m here but it doesn’t feel like it…? Idk I might just be reacting to it?? But all of this is really coming back and slamming into my face.. so it’s given me some time to reflect.