I’m 39, a mom of four, and today feels like every other day lately, heavy and slow, like walking through mud in sneakers!! I wake up before the alarm becuase my brain never really shuts off, thinking about lunches, laundry, and who needs what before school!! I work full time, same basic hours as my husband, and yet I’m the one packing bags, finding socks, and calming kids down when the milk spills!! I try to be polite about it, I really do, but im so tired of pretending this is just a phase or that it’ll magically balance out!! He leaves for work, comes home, and that’s kind of it, and I’m left wondering if this is normal or if I’m just bad at asking for help?? I remember when our first kid was born, I thought we were a team, and now it feels like I’m running a small company by myself, with no vacation days and no sick leave 😔

The hardest part isn’t even the physical stuff, it’s the quiet resentment that sneaks in while I’m folding clothes at midnight!! My husband has never changed a diaper, never cooked a meal, never handled bedtime on his own, and I keep asking myself how that even happened?? We both work the same hours, nothing extreme on either side, but somehow all the home stuff became mine without a real conversation!! I tell myself he’s tired too, that work is stressful for him, and that’s true, but so is mine, and then there’s everything after work that never seems to count!! Last week, our third kid threw up all over the couch at 2am, and I cleaned it alone while he slept through it, and the next day he asked why I looked so worn out, like it was a mystery!! I’m not angry all the time, just sad, and a little confused about how thier idea of partnership drifted so far apart

Sometimes I replay old moments in my head, like when I went back to work after maternity leave and cried in the car for ten minutes before walking into the office!! I remember thinking it would get easier once the kids were older, but now there’s homework, activities, attitudes, and so much noise all the time!! I do alot of small things that no one notices, like remembering dentist appointments or knowing which kid hates which cereal, and it adds up fast!! I’ve tried talking about it, gently, firmly, calmly, and it usually ends with him saying he didn’t realize, and then nothing really changes; I dont want a medal, I just want a partner who sees the mess and helps without being asked!! Do other tired moms feel this weird mix of love for their family and loneliness inside their own house??

I still care about my husband, and I know he’s not a villain, just stuck in habits that started years ago and never got challenged properly!! I wonder if I enabled it by trying to be capable and strong all the time, thinking I could handle it, thinking it was temporary!! Now I’m here, 39 years old, feeling older than I should, and questioning if this is just how life is supposed to feel for moms like me?? It feels polite to keep the peace, to not rock the boat, but it also feels unfair, and that thought sits heavy in my chest on long evenings!! I don’t hate him, and I don’t want sympathy, I just want honesty, even if it’s wierd and uncomfortable, and I want my kids to see something healthier than quiet exhaustion!! If you’re reading this and nodding along, please tell me, how do you fix this without breaking everything, or is that just something we tell ourselves to survive, becuase I’m definately running out of energy to pretend I’m fine!!!

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