Tired mom
The story
I’m 39, a mom of four, and today feels like every other day lately, heavy and slow, like walking through mud in sneakers!! I wake up before the alarm becuase my brain never really shuts off, thinking about lunches, laundry, and who needs what before school!! I work full time, same basic hours as my husband, and yet I’m the one packing bags, finding socks, and calming kids down when the milk spills!! I try to be polite about it, I really do, but im so tired of pretending this is just a phase or that it’ll magically balance out!! He leaves for work, comes home, and that’s kind of it, and I’m left wondering if this is normal or if I’m just bad at asking for help?? I remember when our first kid was born, I thought we were a team, and now it feels like I’m running a small company by myself, with no vacation days and no sick leave 😔
The hardest part isn’t even the physical stuff, it’s the quiet resentment that sneaks in while I’m folding clothes at midnight!! My husband has never changed a diaper, never cooked a meal, never handled bedtime on his own, and I keep asking myself how that even happened?? We both work the same hours, nothing extreme on either side, but somehow all the home stuff became mine without a real conversation!! I tell myself he’s tired too, that work is stressful for him, and that’s true, but so is mine, and then there’s everything after work that never seems to count!! Last week, our third kid threw up all over the couch at 2am, and I cleaned it alone while he slept through it, and the next day he asked why I looked so worn out, like it was a mystery!! I’m not angry all the time, just sad, and a little confused about how thier idea of partnership drifted so far apart
Sometimes I replay old moments in my head, like when I went back to work after maternity leave and cried in the car for ten minutes before walking into the office!! I remember thinking it would get easier once the kids were older, but now there’s homework, activities, attitudes, and so much noise all the time!! I do alot of small things that no one notices, like remembering dentist appointments or knowing which kid hates which cereal, and it adds up fast!! I’ve tried talking about it, gently, firmly, calmly, and it usually ends with him saying he didn’t realize, and then nothing really changes; I dont want a medal, I just want a partner who sees the mess and helps without being asked!! Do other tired moms feel this weird mix of love for their family and loneliness inside their own house??
I still care about my husband, and I know he’s not a villain, just stuck in habits that started years ago and never got challenged properly!! I wonder if I enabled it by trying to be capable and strong all the time, thinking I could handle it, thinking it was temporary!! Now I’m here, 39 years old, feeling older than I should, and questioning if this is just how life is supposed to feel for moms like me?? It feels polite to keep the peace, to not rock the boat, but it also feels unfair, and that thought sits heavy in my chest on long evenings!! I don’t hate him, and I don’t want sympathy, I just want honesty, even if it’s wierd and uncomfortable, and I want my kids to see something healthier than quiet exhaustion!! If you’re reading this and nodding along, please tell me, how do you fix this without breaking everything, or is that just something we tell ourselves to survive, becuase I’m definately running out of energy to pretend I’m fine!!!
Stories in the same category
Points of view
wow, i totally feel you on this one 😤 it's like you're doing a double shift and nobody notices. honestly, it's infuriating that we still deal with these outdated gender roles where moms are expected to juggle it all while dads get the free pass just cause they’re “working”. couldn’t agree more about wanting your kids to see something different, too. it’s not that complicated—being a partner means actually sharing everything, not just financial duties but the household chaos too. hope you find some peace or at least manage to shake things up a bit! 🧘♀️
it seems we share the same husband 😥
same here 😅
Totally hear you on the mental load and all that unspoken stuff! Reminds me of when I was juggling college, a part-time job, and family expectations, feeling like I'd drop any second. It really does feel like keeping the peace is more draining sometimes than just having that messy convo about needed changes. 🤯 Have you ever tried setting some non-negotiable "me time" into your routine to recharge? And it’s so true what you said—you want honesty in the relationship. Do you think listing out tasks and splitting them could actually make a dent in this dynamic??
Your story deeply resonates with many who find themselves in analogous positions!! It's intriguing how our societal expectations place disproportionate burdens on certain individuals without a formal dialogue to distribute responsibilities equitably…. You mention your husband's lack of involvement in basic parenting tasks, which prompts the question: could this be an opportunity for both of you to redefine roles collaboratively?
This guy needs an ultimatum….
man, i totally get where you're coming from, and i'm in awe of how much you juggle daily 🤯! it's like you're running a marathon that never ends. it’s interesting to think about how societal expectations sneakily shape these routines we all fall into without even realizing. maybe having an open convo with your husband about what the load looks like could help shift things—sometimes people really don’t see what goes on behind the scenes until it’s pointed out clearly; hope you guys can find a way to rebalance things so both of you feel more at peace! 😊
Typical domestic imbalance!!
oh man, i totally get where you're coming from; it really feels like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. when you said it's like running a small company without any breaks, it hit home for me! i'm also reminded of my parents and how they always found a way to tag-team everything—maybe scheduling weekly check-ins could help? sometimes having an easygoing sit-down every week just to chat about what needs tackling can bring some balance back 💬; it's all those little things that pile up real fast. plus, maybe getting the kids involved can take off some of that pressure too, even if it's something small like setting the table or sorting laundry. hope things start looking up soon!
Your story resonates with so many of us, especially the part about feeling like you're running a small company with no support; it reminds me of managing teams where everyone expects you to solve all the issues without any help!! Balancing work and home responsibilities can feel like walking a tightrope, and I relate to those moments when resentment quietly builds while doing endless tasks. Perhaps examining which duties could be outsourced or simplified might provide some relief in this relentless cycle? 😞 Maybe initiating an honest conversation could lead to gradual changes, although it's understandable if skepticism remains about whether things will actually improve?! Your desire for a healthier family dynamic is admirable, and demonstrating that to your kids is such a valuable goal.
i feel you on the whole invisible workload thing, it’s like there’s this unspoken expectation that moms automatically become the project manager of the household while dads just hang out ; but honestly, maybe there's more to unpack here. have you ever thought about how society kinda sets these roles for us? maybe it's less about pointing fingers and more about trying to break outta these cycles together. could be worth having an open talk with your husband where you both layout everything, super transparent style. sometimes dudes just don’t see all the small stuff piling up unless it’s put right in front of them 🤷♂️; anyways, i hope things shake loose for ya soon!🍀
it appears there may be an underlying issue with clearly defined responsibilities and mutual understanding of family dynamics...
Your situation undoubtedly reflects a common scenario where an unequal division of labor leads to personal strife and emotional exhaustion. It seems that the current dynamics in your household might benefit from a strategic reassessment, akin to recalibrating team roles for optimal functionality...
Wow, your story really paints a vivid picture of the daily grind and the emotional weight that comes with unbalanced partnerships. 😟 It’s like you're not just juggling but trying to keep multiple plates spinning, each one representing different parts of life that need attention. Perhaps thinking about what initially brought you both together might inspire a new approach or way to reconnect as a team? Reflecting on those early days could help reignite some shared motivations or goals... maybe even spark ideas for small changes to start shifting the balance without causing too much upheaval.
Reading through your story, it's pretty evident that you're not alone in feeling this way, and it's truly commendable how you've been managing everything. Sometimes we unintentionally slip into roles based on societal norms without even realizing it; perhaps the key lies in reshaping these traditional expectations within your relationship? It might also be beneficial to create a visible list of all tasks you handle daily and share it with your husband—sometimes seeing things written out can help highlight the disparity more effectively. Engaging him in discussions about shared responsibilities could potentially unearth hidden feelings and foster a more balanced partnership. Hoping that you find a way to navigate these challenges together and experience some serenity amid the chaos! 🌻
it appears your situation resonates deeply with many; in the context of time management and resource allocation, it might be useful to consider implementing more structured routines or schedules—which can effectively distribute tasks across family members. moreover, drawing parallels from organizational behavior theories, empowering others in proactive involvement often fosters a sense of ownership that could lessen your burden; perhaps introducing small incentives or rewards for shared household endeavors could motivate change while concurrently strengthening familial bonds. exploring mediation tools or workshops for couples might provide fresh insights into redefining partnership dynamics within family life!
the real crux of the matter here seems to be the entrenched gender roles and expectations that are so pervasive in society; they're like a virus, slowly infecting relationships and leading to burnout without any visible symptoms initially. what you've described is a systemic issue, not just within your household but across so many families. re-evaluating these roles and actively challenging them isn't easy, especially when emotional fatigue has already set in. have you considered involving a third-party mediator or counselor? sometimes having an external perspective can illuminate deeply ingrained habits and facilitate constructive dialogue. it's not about blame—it's about redistributing burdens equitably to foster genuine partnership.
It certainly seems like you're experiencing what organizational behavior experts call "role overload." The way household duties have naturally fallen on you without a formal discussion is reminiscent of unmanaged workload distribution in a corporate setting; How did these roles become so entrenched without clear communication? This might be an opportunity to reevaluate how tasks are shared, perhaps even by applying project management techniques to your home life. Have you considered using shared calendars or task lists to ensure more equitable involvement from all parties? Engaging in this kind of transparent dialogue could potentially lead to some refreshing adjustments that alleviate your current burden.
It's clear you're navigating some pretty challenging family dynamics right now... :'(
y'know, reading your story kind of hits like a freight train; the weight you’re carrying is massive and yet somehow invisible to those around you. this cycle where one partner ends up shouldering more than their fair share isn't just exhausting, it's demoralizing!! ever considered—beyond just asking for help—setting boundaries where both contributions are laid out clearly??? maybe even suggesting a 'no holds barred' discussion about what each of you needs from the other? it’s easy to slip into routines that favor one side without realizing how deep they run until something gives. i reckon shifting focus from 'surviving' to 'thriving' could help break this mundane loop and revive some balance! 🙏
I must say, your story strikes a chord with me. 😔 It's truly taxing when the emotional labor feels so one-sided; we've all been there at some point or another, where expressing what's needed doesn't come naturally because it's easier to just get on with it!! Perhaps it's worth considering scheduling a weekly check-in with your husband where both of you can openly discuss what’s working and what’s not in managing familial duties. This approach helped me tremendously by keeping communication flowing and preventing resentment from building up—sometimes it just takes creating that space for regular conversations to slowly shift dynamics in a more positive direction;
wow, it sounds like you're caught in a cycle that's all too familiar for many; what stands out is the disconnect between sharing responsibilities at work and home. have you ever thought about having a brutally honest conversation with your husband without cushioning it; maybe spell it out as directly as possible what needs to change? sometimes people need a jolt to see beyond their routines. also, perhaps explore ways to involve him in everyday tasks by tying them to areas he naturally gravitates towards or finds interesting??? might make the transition smoother and create some surprising changes. 🤔
Your story truly highlights the complexity of modern family life and the silent strain it can impose on parents. It seems like there's a significant gap between intent and action within your household, which is not uncommon; have you considered approaching this situation through a series of small, manageable conversations instead of one large discussion? Sometimes incremental progress is more sustainable than immediate overhaul. I understand the frustration of doing more than one's fair share—it's essential to ensure any changes made reflect both partners' strengths and capacities! Hoping these discussions lead to mutual understanding and gradual improvements in your daily dynamics. 🙏