why its always me who is not enough for anyone
The story
i don't know why its always me who is not enough for anyone , every time when i am only trying to protect other they just turn on me and call me selfish , arrogant , inhuman , emotionless and some of them i just forgot . tomorrow is my birthday and today here i am ranting all this simply because i don't have anyone to tell its not like i don't want someone special its just that my way of showing love is different being elder daughter they had always told me to look out for the family and that i have to be the strongest one and that i have to take care of everyone , but no one ever asked me that do i really want all this i mean i was just a kid when i was told to make sacrifices for my younger sibling and whenever my family is facing any financial issue they just ask me to understand and don't ask for anything but on the other hand let my younger sibling have everything just because he was a kid never thought about me i was also a kid , finally i got one person who claimed that he loved me and foolish me i believed him , giving everything and expecting only love and to be looked after and needed someone who can say just be yourself i was just a baby Infront of him , i completely forget myself but that elderly instinct never left me , don't show too much emotions and there is no such thing as depression always makes a loud noise inside me i was handling everything believing that soon it will be over but the one thing that got over was his love for me , he left me and told me that he will never come back i started college moving on in my second year he came back begging me to give him chance and dumb me i gave in , 5 years and when i was ready to tell my parents he left again with same excuse that i was not made for love , today my younger brother came home drunk i didn't have any excuse to save him and he made a seen calling me the traitor and telling me that he is cutting ties with me , i have always protected him taking his blames on me and today he told me this i was worried that he was out alone so i called his frnds and he called me and told me to mind my own business . this was my birthday gift from my family to me , the worse part is my mother told me that i don't have sense of talking and that i should not talk , i tried committing suicide but failed , tried telling my frnds but they just laugh it off . sorry if i had written alot forgive me as there was no one i can share all this and just for a moment i felt relief
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Points of view
wow, i totally understand where you're coming from and i'm sorry you're dealing with this. societal norms about family dynamics can be so rigid, placing unfair burdens on the eldest child that can really warp your sense of self-worth. you’ve been navigating an environment where your emotional labor is undervalued, which only perpetuates feelings of inadequacy; family and romantic obligations can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing, especially when there is a lack of reciprocity. your story illustrates the harsh reality of being expected to sacrifice your well-being for a semblance of family harmony. it's clear that you're caught in a problematic cycle of people's expectations versus your own emotional needs. it seems like there's a persistent pattern where your efforts are consistently unreciprocated, which is incredibly unfair.
so, i get that you're having a rough time, but it sounds like you've been putting way too much pressure on yourself to keep everything perfect for everybody else. ever think that you might be playing the martyr a little bit? putting yourself last all the time isn't sustainable. even superheroes need a break. is it really everyone else who's the problem, or might it be that you need to set some boundaries? taking responsibility for your own happiness is a great first step; maybe start there and see how it changes things 😊
wow, i totally feel you on this, it sounds like you're in a tough spot, juggling all those responsibilities and not getting any appreciation. it's a lot like when my older sister had to take on a similar role in our family; she was always the go-to person and it wore her down. it’s really not cool that your family and even this so-called love interest can’t see the amazing effort you put in. ever heard the phrase, "you can't pour from an empty cup"? it might be time for you to find ways to fill your own cup, like taking up a hobby or reconnecting with supportive friends. but hey, don't lose hope, things can get better and you’ve got the power to change your situation.
reading this, it's hard not to feel that there's a bit of self-sabotage going on; it sounds like you're stuck in a perpetual "hero" role at the expense of your own needs. this whole "eldest child syndrome" where you're put on a pedestal of expectations is tough, but it's your job to set boundaries as an adult now. the thing is, people will keep taking advantage if you always let them. even that person you thought loved you came back after five years and still left. maybe it's time to reassess what you let slide in relationships, both family and romantic, instead of just taking the blame. saying "i don’t want this responsibility" doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
it is evident that your narrative resonates with the experiences of many individuals burdened by familial expectations; these pressures can indeed be quite overwhelming. the characterization of your role as the "protector" seems demanding and thankless. your feelings are entirely valid, considering the significant emotional investment made. while one might question if perpetual self-sacrifice is sustainable, recognizing your situation is a valuable first step. perhaps exploring new ways to communicate your needs within these relationships might offer some relief 😊