I find it interesting how some parents like to throw the word selfish around when their child does not want to comply with something. Due to the recent conflict with my mom, I've decided on my own that from this point on, I don't really want to talk to her anymore. Stepdad tried to tell me to go talk with my mom because "you gotta have a normal relationship with your mom", but for more than a decade, I don't remember the environment at home being entirely "normal". Maybe at this point I'm being really petty, I don't know anymore. I know, however, that my decision isn't coming out of nowhere.

Everytime there was conflict between me and them, after a few minutes, I'd hear them talking like nothing happened, while I'd be in my room frustrated and stewing. If the conflict was between me and stepdad, my mom would "talk" with me about how "I should be more gentle with him" or "if something happens to him, we're screwed". She never actually asked me what I felt about the conflicts. When she's the one I have a conflict with, I'm expected to be cool and to just get over it. Stepdad has this philosophy, by the way, where he goes "it's no use sulking, it's a waste of time". I feel that would apply only if there's an actual conversation about it and if every party involved recognizes their faults. I have almost never heard an apology coming from either stepdad or my mom except one time each, when I was younger.

One when I was little where my mom slapped me because I got an answer wrong with a math problem (which was actually the second or third time she did that). I think the only reason she didn't do that again was because I was having a walk with my mom and we started talking to these grown men who were drinking a beer or something ? And at some point, I told them that my mom beat me because I was getting the answers wrong in a math problem.

I don't remember what stepdad was apologizing to me about, but I do remember saying "you better be sorry" to him. That was a few years ago, I think. Like, 3-4 years ago ? By that point, I already didn't like him all that much because he kept making jokes at my expense like calling me a "maid" or he would sometimes tell me how "daughters in other families would sometimes massage their fathers feet" or "daughters in other families call their dads "father".

I also clearly remember how, when I was little, he was checking out other women passing by in the streets when he was picking my mom up from work, and I would always tell him "hey, you already have a wife". In response to that, he was just like "awww, she's protecting her mom". It was a subject of jokes recently (a few weeks before the conflict with my mom), when we were invited in my stepsister's house. Even she was laughing along about that, and my mom did too.

Anyway, I digress. The point is, stepdad just told me how he didn't appreciate how I didn't approach my mom, that it's disgustingly selfish and that, with everything she did for me recently, I should go thank her and offer her some emotional support because she was sad that her mom, my grandma, died. The way I saw it was, she didn't come to me once to apologize (because I should be the first one to apologize according to her), she expects me to be cool with everything after she gives me food, even though there was no actual conversation and I should just suck it up basically and pretend there's no problem. I do not want to pretend everything's fine, which is why I behave this way. This is not the first time they acted like nothing happened, and I'm tired of it. So in response to saying all that to him, I clearly told him that with this conflict that happened, I don't want to talk to her anymore, and her expecting me to apologize first is hypocritical in my opinion. Please tell me what you think, because maybe there's a part of me that did something wrong when I acted out of self preservation

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