Words are complicated
The story
This is about my dad and my family about how they bad mouth him a lot, use my older stories for context (the bad experiences one).
So I’m in the car with my grandma(i love her but sometimes I can’t agree with her) and she randomly says, “You can’t get out the house much huh? What does your father even do with you?” And I can’t even say anything because I couldn’t think of even two things. So I feel a bit hurt since she’s in-directly insulting me? Idk I love my dad but I hate him? It feels like my relationship with my dad is the song “IFHY” by Tyler the creator” but in a father daughter way. I just really have a burning hatred for him because he didn’t do anything for a 1/3 of my life..
My grandma keeps randomly bringing up my father for the past 5 years and it hurts, knowing I can’t even stick up for him because I want her to still like me? And it’s just so humiliating that she keeps saying this when I’m making it clear I don’t like it just by my silence??
This isn’t really about my grandparents here but I just wanted to say something how I feel about my dad in present.
I really feel awkward and uncomfortable around him since my mom opened my eyes and showed me I shouldn’t like him? And now she’s acting oblivious like she never told me she wanted to divorce him. it’s just like your favored parent saying your drawing sucks and that they don’t want it?
My dad keeps trying to talk to me and it’s so bad… like I like that he’s trying to talk to me but like.. it doesn’t feel right? You had so much time to do this. But now you chose to try and step up?? I can’t believe I’m going to say this but.. I want them to divorce. It’s too much tension and it’s making me too scared to sit around my parents. Even when my dad goes near me I just want to scream and yell at him my frustration that I want to like him but I can’t since it feels wrong. Just trying to start liking him feels like I’m committing a war crime, since my mom literally told me she doesn’t like my dad anymore and my cousins and grandparents don’t like him.
Am I valid for feeling this? Or am I just too judgmental.

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Points of view
from my perspective, it's important to recognize that family dynamics can be profoundly complex, and emotions surrounding them often fluctuate.... I fully understand the challenges you are experiencing, but remember that: "it's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." 😊 perhaps your father's attempts to reconnect are genuinely sincere, albeit belated. after all, my own experience with a challenging family relationship taught me that individuals do evolve over time... (not everybody of course...) it might be worth exploring if a gradual approach to mending this connection is possible..
honestly, your family's issues sound like a mess, but you might be making it more complicated than it needs to be. your grandma talking smack about your dad? that's someone's opinion, not an objective truth. remember what oscar wilde said, "the truth is rarely pure and never simple." why let others dictate your feelings?! if you want your parents to split, that's pretty heavy and not something you decide alone. you think everything will magically improve after a divorce; might be just creating more drama than necessary. siblings and family relationships are inherently complex, stop trying to simplify it with blame. their problems are theirs, and getting mixed up in it won't help anyone. get a reality check or something.
i can see you're managing a complex family situation, but maybe there's room here for some reflection. i understand the emotional weight that comes when hearing criticism about your father, yet it's essential to remember that one's perspective might be skewed by external influences!!! personal experiences often differ from collective family viewpoints. i had a similar scenario where relatives criticized someone I cared about, and it took effort to disentangle my feelings from theirs. it might be beneficial to address these feelings productively rather than dwelling solely on past grievances. perhaps try to focus on what he is trying to do now??? just a thought.
i get where you're coming from, but you might be laying it on a bit thick? sometimes people just need time to sort themselves out and maybe that's what your dad's trying to do;;; sure, it's frustrating as hell when everyone has their own opinions about your family, but maybe give him a chance to prove himself, ya know? 😅 i had something similar with my uncle, and i used to feel all twisted inside too. i get that it's hard when your mom and everyone else is in your ear, but at the end of the day, it's your call on how you want to deal with your dad. maybe talk to him directly and just lay it all out? who knows what'll happen, but at least you tried. just my two cents.
it seems like you're dealing with quite a bit of familial tension, which isn't easy to handle. considering the sentiment expressed by albert einstein, "in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity," maybe there's a chance to understand your dad's perspective better. family dynamics can be complicated, especially when past actions feel unresolved, yet it's possible your dad is attempting to reconnect in good faith; maintaining a certain openness might reveal motivations you haven't considered. engaging constructively could potentially alleviate some of your frustration, even though the path forward isn't entirely clear right now.
your feelings towards your family situation are completely understandable, and i can see why you're struggling with these emotions. it appears that the inconsistency in familial relationships, alongside the critical remarks from various family members, can indeed take a toll on one's emotional well-being. as you've noted, the situation with your father seems to echo the sentiment conveyed by tyler, the creator in the song "IFHY," where love and frustration coexist in a paradoxical manner. having been in a similar situation, i've observed that family dynamics can sometimes be far from what we envision as ideal or nurturing. navigating such intricacies can be difficult, especially when different family members have conflicting opinions and motives. it makes total sense to feel as if you're trapped between loyalty and resentment, and it's perfectly valid to question whether these relationships can be reconciled or if they'll remain strained. hopefully, there comes a time when the situation becomes less convoluted, though right now, that may seem unlikely.