I struggle a lot with connection. I cant tell if people actually like me or are just pretending so I always assume a social suituation is going badly. Then I can avoid being surprised if it goes downhill.

I want freinds where everyone is comfortable with casual touches, leaning against each other, hugs, shoulder pats. But I dont know how to initiate that, most of my family are extremely touch and emotionally adverse. And while my dad is more affectionate he often doesnt register boundaries or other people's emotions.

Mum once told me that with the way she raised me I was either going to end up completely desperate for touch or completely touch adverse. She said she was happy that I was touch adverse like her... I probably should have corrected her.

Im stuck in a cycle of craving platonic intimacy but not being able to achieve it. The brief touches I get never feel like enough but I dont feel safe asking up front.

I know that a romantic relationship would probably solve my problem but I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship at the moment. Theres been several times ive met guys who at 1st seem like they could be freinds but then they get too handsy and ignore boundaries I put up. Recently I had to leave a freinds party because a guy kept following me round and grabbing me by the wrist when I'd told him no. My skin felt like it was burning for hours after.

Touch can so quickly go from being amazing to being horrific as soon as I think the other person wont listen if I told them no.

Everything else in my life is great, im working towards my dream job, and ive definetly improved over the last few years. Its just such a constant want.

Current plan is to get a pet as soon as I can reasonably provide for one. It wont be exactly what I need but it'll hopefully help in some way.

Hug your freinds a bit closer today please.

Stories in the same category