A friend in need
The story
i have a friend, well, i guess you could say he used to be a friend, but he's been tangled up in this whirlwind of drug and alcohol issues for years now, and it’s just so hard to watch. he’s 36, but honestly, it feels like he’s aging in dog years, you know? every time we meet, i see this shell of the guy who used to joke around and have these wild ideas about starting a band or traveling the world, but now he just shows up looking disheveled, like life is just pulling him down deeper and deeper. i remember last summer when we had coffee, he told me, “man, i’m trying to get clean,” but here we are, almost a year later, and he’s still in the same spot, bouncing between rehab facilities and temporary solutions that don’t really address the underlying problems. My neighbors probably think i’m his babysitter! there’s been several times i’ve tried to stage an intervention, but he just brushes it off, saying stuff like, “i’ve got this!” or “don’t worry, i’ll be fine!” but the look in his eyes screams otherwise. it’s like watching someone play with fire and pretending they’re not going to get burned. i know people say, “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves,” but then what am i supposed to do? just stand back and watch? it feels so helpless when you see someone you care about slip away and you know the darkness is stronger than their willpower. sometimes, i wonder if i’m enabling him without even realizing it.
do you guys think that could be the case? i mean, when i look back, i’ve offered a place to crash, bought groceries when he was broke, even covered his bills here and there. should i just cut him off completely? it’s a tough call! one minute, i think, “okay, i’m really helping him,” and the next, i’m going, “no, this is not healthy!” i read somewhere that addiction is a disease, and while it’s hard to not take it personally, especially when he makes promises he can’t keep and then spirals back down, and i’m stuck over here being the ‘responsible one’ with my own life going just fine, then without my permission he drags me into his chaotic mess. i often find myself feeling resentful for the energy i’ve poured into this friendship, and then i feel guilty because i know he’s struggling. it’s like being caught in a paradox: wanting to help but also needing to protect my peace of mind! has anyone else dealt with this kind of friendship? it’s exhausting! some days i wish i could just mute the chaos, you know? then again, seeing him on good days gives me this flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll find a way out of this spiral. but those days are few and far between, often overshadowed by despair and anger.
every time i see him pick up a drink or light a joint, i just want to scream! like, can’t he see where this leads? it’s frustrating to see someone throw away their potential for a high that never lasts! i don’t want to be the one who walks away when things get tough, but how long can you support someone who continues to hit ‘restart’ on their life? does loyalty have a statute of limitations? one of my buddies said, “love them from a distance,” which kind of stuck with me because it feels like the right balance – keep your distance but don’t stop caring. but it’s so difficult! that wavering line between support and detachment is a tricky one to walk. every time i hear his phone ring, my stomach drops, wondering if it’s news of an overdose or something equally heartbreaking. and who am i to judge? it feels so unethical to condemn someone for their struggles, yet living in this state of constant worry is exhausting. do you think i’m overreacting? because honestly, at this point, it’s starting to feel like his addiction is my addiction. anyway, he was supposed to come over last weekend, but he canceled last minute, as usual, claiming he was “too busy.” but deep down, i know it’s just another excuse. how much longer can i sit on the sidelines before he pulls me under, too? maybe i'm just thinking too much about it? but, am i really?

Stories in the same category
Points of view
it sounds like you're navigating an incredibly challenging situation, and I completely empathize with your predicament. however, I don’t believe cutting him off completely is the ultimate solution; maintaining healthy boundaries might be more effective. perhaps consider exploring interventions with a professional who specializes in addiction counseling. in my personal experience, supporting a friend with addiction requires patience, understanding, and a focus on self-care to avoid emotional exhaustion. witnessing someone grapple with substance misuse can feel like an emotional labyrinth, but remember, your love and concern can be a beacon of hope. remain steadfast, but don't lose sight of your own well-being.
man, i totally get what you're saying; it's such a hard spot to be in! i've been there with a friend too, and it feels like you're just watching them sink further, right??? feels like no matter what you do, they just keep making the same choices!!! you're really not overreacting!!! it's tough loving someone from a distance when all you wanna do is help; ever think about how long you can keep doing this??? it's like every time you have hope, it gets swept away by their choices. finding that balance between caring and protecting yourself is rough. keep your head up!
i believe that if you encourage him to get outside more and hang out more and im not saying it will work but try to get him outside and try to get him away from all that stuff without him nowing it might help and also making him laugh to get him to smile atleast might help.
thanks!
look, i get it, you care about your friend, but it sounds like you’re getting way too sucked into his chaos, right??? ever heard “you can't pour from an empty cup”? you gotta take care of yourself first; sounds harsh, but he’s got to want the change for himself. enabling isn't gonna help him get his act together; maybe it’s time to give him some space so he can face the music. you can support him without being dragged into his mess, ya know? hold him accountable!!! it might be the wake-up call he needs. focus on your own well-being and hope he finds his way out of this mess!
i completely understand your predicament; i've been through something similar, and it's incredibly draining. it's like you're caught in this perpetual cycle where you feel obligated to help, but realize you're not really changing anything. as they say, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." my friend went down a similar path, and it took me ages to realize that i was just enabling his behavior by constantly bailing him out. it’s disheartening to witness someone squander their potential, and you're forced to deal with the emotional fallout. honestly, it sounds like you've done more than enough, and maybe it's time to step back. don't let his problems drag you down, too. set boundaries for your own well-being, or you're gonna burn out. it’s tough, but sometimes, you gotta let them hit rock bottom before they decide to climb back up.
hey, i hear you, but i'm not sure you're going about this in the best way. "you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved." have you really thought about how much you're putting into this friendship compared to what you’re getting back? 😕 doesn't sound like it's doing your mental health any favors. it's cool that you care, but at some point, you gotta protect your own peace, you know? maybe giving him some space to figure things out on his own isn’t such a bad idea. ultimately, he has to decide to change. just don't let his troubles become yours.