dislike going out
The story
I have a group of about 8 friends. in the same class since about grade 1. after our discrepancies, we grew really close from around grade 8 till matric. we would have little outings here and there and it was fun
until we matriculated and grew apart little by little. we still manage to chat normally on the group, but it's not the same as before. since last year, I would dread going out. simply because they had changed and I had changed and topics that were of interest to them would not be the same for me. and that is obvious and understandable, as we are all growing and changing. what stands out to me is that everytime a plan to go out was made, the first thought that came to my mind was that I don't even agree with the topics they speak about, the jokes they make. some of them still remained close, had their inside jokes and all you know. they would even crack perverted jokes, leaving some discomfort and awkwardness in the air for me and another girl as those just weren't our thing. so maybe, you could say I didnt like to be around them because I didn't feel part of it ? like I didn't belong? I don't know. I basically didn't have the energy to enthusiastically go and look for the positives. being around them drained me because it was all so out of my interest line. I struggled to refuse everytime cuz they made it a bit hard. I did refuse a few times, but they always went on about how they always the ones putting in the effort and making plans, while others just blue tick, don't respond, and cancel plans
after a few months, the next time they made a plan, I dreaded again. but I gave it a shot, thinking I also need a break and maybe it's not that bad after all. one of my close friends, the one whose quite similar to me- quiet, not feeling like it's her people anymore either- didn't come on that day. I sat there normally, trying to enjoy the moment. later that night, I get a message from one of my friends( the one who complained about us cancelling) asking if I'm okay, and that I was oddly quiet. after a conversation, I explained the situation, how I don't feel like it, how and why I don't like to refuse and all, and she finally understood and said hope I get better? what did she mean ?
anyways, point is- they brought up the idea of another plan again (note we are all on good terms with eachother. she didn't hate on me after that convo, if you were wondering). this time, I wanted to go, and I was excited about the whole idea. but they're kind of delayed and haven't decided anything yet. I hesitated to ask because I know I'll be in now, and then slowly as the time comes to meet, I'll lose the excitement and begin dreading again. and then it's either a last minute cancellation ( which I know is unfair to everyone) or I am half heartedly present on that day. problem is, I usually do, and did, really enjoy being with them. even after I realised they weren't my people anymore, there were days when I went out/met them and actually fully enjoyed myself.
so.... I don't know what's the problem. why I feel this way. I guess I don't want to give them up because I also have quite a limited social life, and ofcourse, we've been close since childhood.
I don't know

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Eh, that story hits home, mate. Sounds all too familiar.... You totally nailed it on how relationships change!!! From my experience, when you're in a tight-knit group for ages, you grow apart, yeah?? The whole having to show up just drains you sometimes... No lie, I've been there... Felt like an outsider more times than I'd like with my old pals—ain’t a walk in the park... It’s mad how you can click one minute and then feel like a third wheel the next.... So exhausting, you know??? Maybe it's wise to keep connections flexible and not force what's not there anymore????? 😅
honestly, your story's a case study in how social dynamics shift over time.... totally get it when you say “I don't feel like it”... sounds like classic friend group evolution!!!....... everyone has gone through that phase where things ain’t as they used to be, right???? in the world of social psychology, it's a normal lifecycle… you grow, they grow, it shifts… no harm in that ✨... maybe it's time for a pivot strategy—new adventures, new stories!!!! just remember, "change is the only constant"…. staying positive, you'll find your place, in or out... life keeps rolling!!!!
Really hear you on that journey you've been on. It's a familiar tale of how friendships evolve over time, and it's all good vibes. Your feelings make total sense, and many have been in your shoes, wondering where they fit in with old pals. Change happens to the best of friendships, and it's natural to feel out of sync sometimes.
It's heartening to see you still enjoy some moments with them, and that's the silver lining. You might find a way to align with the new vibe, or perhaps venture towards new connections—both paths offer growth and fulfillment. It's all about adapting to life's flow and keeping your heart and mind open.
Think of it as a new chapter in your social life. Keep your chin up and embrace the journey, because change is both challenging and rewarding in ways you may not yet see.