Everyone is busy and wanting to vent, but I just can't
The story
Since this is a place specifically designed for venting, I feel a bit more comfortable speaking here. I am a 21 year old girl who's in college right now, trying to figure out life and such. I am away from home for college and I miss my city so much. I am going towards a career that does not pay that well. I am not even that interested in it...just that I know it's something I can do. I have a few friends in this city who are nice people but none of them vent so I can't burden them with my story. Besides, their lives are much more interesting than mine. One has a friend she speaks to on a daily basis, two others have boyfriends and a lot of other friends with whom they can always have a conversation. My friends in this city have many other friends to talk to but all I have are them. If I tell them this, I am pretty sure I would be treated much differently but it won't be better, it would just be with more caution. I don't like that, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable around me. The friend who I used to vent to is now busy all the time and she makes a lot of decisions in her life that only messes things up as she's enjoying the risks. She tells me I can speak to her about everything and it used to be that way but now that she's busy, most of my long messages get lost in the void of things she's into. I tell her that we can speak about my issues later because she has worse things going on for her. But deep down, I really do wish she would one day just listen to me and tell me what I need to hear. She always knew what to say...but nowadays she's looking to speak to me about her problems and I can't deny that because I know she would give me a listen if she was available too. My ex who I'm friends with and not completely over, he's busy too and when I vent I just don't get much...sometimes when I break down, he does help me but I don't want my brain to hold on till I let it out. I am going through a lot and I don't want to keep it in like that. And I often lash out at him for not listening to me. I should stop doing that... because of the relationship I had with him, I keep thinking he should be listening to me. But no one is entitled to that, especially since he's also very busy (and often gets sick) and he shouldn't be coming back from work all tired just to hear me vent. I feel like everyone's got someone but I've got no one.
I want to try getting closer to my friends in the city but since they already have friends they talk to, they don't need me for it. So it's very one-sided and unfair. I don't want to be in this situation.
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Points of view
it sounds like you're stuck in a tough spot, and honestly, if you're not even interested in what you're studying, why stick around? you ever think about switching paths to something you actually care about? life's too short to be miserable doing stuff just 'cause you can. also, you're putting friends and your ex on a pedestal. everyone's got their own issues, so expecting them to always be your therapists ain't fair. and why hang onto your ex in that way? sometimes you gotta cut ties to move on. sure, wanting someone to listen is human, but why not try journaling or even therapy? guess what, you might end up finding out stuff about yourself you didn’t realize. isn't it strange how we put ourselves in a box like everyone around us has it all figured out? truth is, they probably don’t. ain't you tired of comparing yourself to others and feeling left out?
It sounds like you're navigating a challenging period, but let's not dismiss the potential it holds. Pursuing a career you're not passionate about is a path to consider; however, isn't it worth exploring interests that ignite your enthusiasm?? As Helen Keller famously said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." Your circle may seem preoccupied, yet that does not preclude you from seeking companionship or support from others who are willing;; have you considered connecting with new people or groups who might share your interests and provide fresh perspectives?? Your friends and ex are occupied with their own lives, and it's perfectly alright to broaden your network and seek interactions that bring fulfillment. This situation, while difficult, could be an opportunity for self-discovery and growth!!! Stay open to new experiences, and remember, life is a journey full of potential and surprise!..