where the moon dies
The story
not my typical post this is a horror but no option for horror
this is chapwr one lmk what u guys think
Chapter One — The Hollow Tree
I ran but she caught me when the moon slipped behind the clouds and the world went silent.
Her grip closed around my ankle with a strength that belonged to graves and forgotten things. I fell hard, the breath knocked from my lungs, my palms sinking into the cold mulch of the forest floor. Dead leaves clung to my skin like the hands of the unburied, and for one hopeless moment I imagined that I, too, was sinking—downward—into the dark earth they all returned to.
A low hum trembled through the soil. A voice without words. A summons.
I twisted to look behind me.
I should not have.
She emerged from the dark like a memory that should have died centuries ago—long limbs bending in wrong directions, bones clicking against each other like rosary beads in restless hands. Her hair, long and dripping, veiled most of her face, though the smallest sliver of a grin stretched beneath it, white as moonlit marble and sharp as split stone.
The forest held its breath.
Even the wind dared not speak.
“Please,” I whispered, though my voice felt like it belonged to someone already fading.
Her head tilted. Not with mercy—no creature of mercy would be found in this place—but with recognition. As though she had been waiting, patient and starving, for the moment I would return.
The stories had warned me. My grandmother’s voice echoed, faint and trembling, from the deepest corners of childhood: Do not run from the Hollow Woman. She will come faster. Do not speak to her. She will hear you for a century. Do not look back. She is always closer than you think.
Yet I had done all three.
Her fingers tightened, cold as river stones, and she dragged me across the earth toward the hollow tree ahead—a towering corpse of a once-mighty oak, its trunk split open by some ancient and merciless storm. The gap gaped like a mouth, the inside impossibly dark, impossibly deep, as though it tunneled straight into the underworld.
The closer we drew, the more the forest changed. The trees bowed inward, crooked like mourners at a funeral. A smell seeped from the hollow—wet soil, rotting bark, and beneath it something sweet, like overripe fruit left too long in the sun.
“No,” I gasped, clawing at the ground. My nails scraped through moss and root, catching on stones slick with dew. My body obeyed terror’s instinct, but my mind was trapped in the slow, creeping dread that had haunted me since I first heard her voice two nights ago.
It had come with the storm.
I had been lying in my grandmother’s abandoned house—our ancestral ruin—when the lightning split the sky and the walls groaned like a living thing. A whisper curled through the cracks in the floorboards, thin as winter breath: Come back to me.
I thought it was grief. Or loneliness. Or the house settling around its last inhabitant.
But then the whisper came again.
And again.
And last night, when the moon was whole and bright, I saw her standing beneath the oak tree at the edge of the forest, her shadow stretching longer than her body should allow.
She had been waiting.
“Not yet,” I murmured, desperate, choking on soil as I fought against her grasp. “Please—not yet.”
For the first time, she paused.
Her grip, though unyielding, stilled. Slowly, achingly slowly, her face lifted, and beneath the curtain of her tangled hair I saw the hollow where her eyes should have been—deep, shadowed pits that seemed to draw in the light around them.
When she spoke, it was not with a voice but with a sound like roots cracking beneath frozen ground.
“You left me.”
My heart stuttered. A coldness spread through my chest, not the fear she inflicted but something older, deeper, something that knew her.
Because I had left her.
I didn’t understand why or how—but the moment she spoke, the truth whispered beneath my memory like something long buried scratching at the coffin lid.
“I don’t remember,” I whispered, and my own words tasted wrong, as if they were stolen from someone else’s mouth.
She dragged me another inch toward the hollow tree.
The moon finally slipped from behind the clouds then, its pale, shivering light spilling across us. For a moment—just a moment—she stopped moving. Her body stiffened. Her smile dropped into a grim line carved of stone.
The moonlight touched her skin, and she recoiled as though burned.
I felt her grip loosen.
Only a little.
Only enough.
With a cry torn raw from my throat, I twisted sharply, kicking with all the panic of a creature half-dead and unwilling to finish the job. My heel struck something soft—her face, perhaps—and her grip faltered.
I scrambled backward, breath ragged, legs shaking so violently they barely obeyed me. She hissed, a sound like a dying wind through hollow places.
But she did not lunge.
She watched.
The moonlight kept her rooted.
I staggered to my feet. Pain lanced up my knee. Blood soaked into my sock. Yet I ran—not with hope, but with the terror of someone who knows the night is far from over.
Behind me, her voice seeped through the trees like mist:
“When the moon dies, you are mine again.”
And above the forest canopy, the clouds thickened—slowly smothering the light that protected me.
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While your story is vividly crafted and the imagery is unsettling in a powerful way, the pace feels a bit too rapid for me to fully grasp the emotions at play; maybe slowing it down could heighten the suspense even more.
First off, I gotta say your writing definitely pulls you into that creepy forest vibe, but it feels a bit over-the-top with all the metaphors and descriptions; kinda like trying too hard to be poetic instead of focusing on the raw fear; 😬 Have you thought about scaling back just a tad? Could make the horror feel more grounded and relatable. Also, I'm curious - what's up with that Hollow Woman? Is she symbolic of something from the protagonist's past, or is she just what she seems? All in all though, you've got an interesting concept here!
she's from the main protagonists past
Wow, what an intense start! It really sets the tone with that chilling imagery. But I do wonder about the connection between you and this Hollow Woman; it seems like there's some history there that's not fully explained yet; did something happen in the past that ties you both together? Your description of the forest and her appearance was hauntingly vivid, a testament to your ability to create atmosphere. While it's clear you've done here is set a spooky scene effectively, I'm curious if there's more depth to explore in later chapters. Keep writing—your story's got potential to unravel some intriguing mysteries!
Your narrative is admirably crafted, with an eerie atmosphere that certainly captures the imagination. However, there seems to be a touch too much reliance on familiar horror tropes. It might enhance the uniqueness of your story if you explore more original interactions between your protagonist and the supernatural elements you're introducing. Consider playing with some unexpected plot twists or character motives that could catch readers off guard and deepen their engagement. On a personal note, I’ve found in my writing that sometimes taking a step back and thinking about how real-life fears manifest can bring authenticity to fictional horror narratives—like when I realized my fear of heights was really about losing control! Just food for thought as you continue developing this chilling tale. 😊
not gonna lie, some parts of this story had me raising an eyebrow, maybe it's just me but the whole 'hollow woman' thing feels pretty cliché. does she have any depth or is she just another spooky entity? the forest setting's been done to death—any chance you'll mix it up in later chapters?? overall though, it seems like a gripping start if you're into that sorta vibe!!!
your story imbues a palpable sense of dread, with imagery that's both rich and unsettling; however, i couldn't help but notice that the protagonist's internal dialogue might lack some dimension. while you've established an intriguing backstory between the main character and the hollow woman, delving deeper into their intertwined history could provide a more intricate psychological layer to your narrative. by exploring the subtleties of your protagonist's emotions—beyond immediate fear—you could create a dynamic interplay that not only heightens tension but also invites readers to question their own emotional responses. have you considered how their past interactions might mirror real-world regrets or unresolved conflicts? such nuances could enrich your tale considerably, offering more than just surface-level horror thrills!!! 🧐
i gotta admit, your storytelling has a knack for painting a vivid picture; i felt like i was right there in that chilling forest 🌲🖤 you've got this visceral way of describing the scene that gave me goosebumps. but here's what i'm thinking: have you considered exploring the psychological aspect a bit more? incorporating elements like repressed memories or inner turmoil might add layers to your protagonist's journey and make the horror feel even more personal and gripping; referring to Freud’s theory on uncanny experiences could be insightful here. it's a solid start, keep at it!
The story has quite the gripping introduction; the haunting vibe you created is palpable. 😨 You really painted an intense picture of that Hollow Woman, like I could see her right there in front of me! However, I find myself wondering about the protagonist's motivations—not just why they ran, but what kept them tethered to this place despite knowing the dangers? It feels like there's a deeper layer yet to be unearthed. The pace did have me on edge though—it was almost too fast at times; maybe letting some moments linger could deepen the tension? I've felt my heartbeat quicken in suspenseful scenes before, and slowing down might make it even more intense. Keep going—I'm intrigued!
Man, this story got me thinking about how nightmares often feel; they pull you into this inescapable dread where every step you take seems to drag you deeper. I love the idea of using the moon as a kind of shield against the Hollow Woman; reminds me of old-school horror flicks where natural elements save the day. It’s intriguing how her appearance feels tied to some deep, buried past—it's like your mind conjuring fears you never even knew were there. Maybe that's what makes it so spooky; we all have those fears somewhere inside us! Keep at it, and who knows? You might just unearth something really unexpected in the next installment. 🌘
I'm not entirely sold on the concept of the Hollow Woman and how she's portrayed; it feels a bit formulaic—kinda like a horror movie I've seen too many times;; maybe it's just me, but I think adding more layers to her character could make her more intriguing.
You've got a strong start with this chapter—the atmosphere feels incredibly eerie, and your use of vivid imagery is spot on. The Hollow Woman definitely gives me the creeps in a good way! 😬 However, I think it would be interesting to explore more about the protagonist's relationship to their grandmother's tales. Did they dismiss them as myths when younger, or were there experiences that made them believe? This angle might add depth by anchoring the horror in a personal history rather than just an event happening now. Sometimes peeling back layers of belief can open up whole new dimensions in storytelling; it’s like Jung’s idea of tapping into the collective unconscious—the old stories resonate for a reason! Keep pushing forward, I'm excited to see where this goes!
dude, you've got some serious talent for setting the mood in this story!! 🖤 but honestly, i feel like i'm missing something with the whole "hollow woman" bit; i get that she's spooky as hell, but what's her deal? why's she so hung up on this person? maybe a little hint about their past would make it hit harder 💀 also, gotta agree with others that maybe throw in some more twists or surprises; otherwise it's like watching the same horror movie again and again. overall tho, killer start! just think about digging deeper into those character motives?!
I must say, the whole vibe of your story feels distinctly atmospheric—like a whisper echoing through the dark. 🌑 But I can't help but wonder about the symbolism here; is there more to this "Hollow Woman" than meets the eye? It's fascinating how she seems tied to both the protagonist's past and deep-seated fears. Yet, isn't there an opportunity to explore this connection further? Perhaps hinting at why she's so inextricably linked to them could add an interesting twist. Personally, I've read tales where scary figures end up reflecting something much more personal and profound about the protagonist. Is that something you're aiming for? Keep it coming—I think you might be onto something cool!
Alright, so here's my take: while I can appreciate the atmospheric details and the suspenseful setup—especially with that forest scene and the Hollow Woman's eerie presence—I find myself a bit thrown off by how familiar it all feels. Sure, you've got some solid horror elements there, but isn’t it about time to shake things up a bit? Maybe dive into deeper psychological territory or explore unexpected character motivations. 😏 Like, what if the protagonist has some twisted connection to the Hollow Woman beyond just her being from their past? It could add another layer of intrigue! Personally, I've seen too many stories that play into these same old tropes of spooky ladies lurking in woods. Been there, screamed at that! But hey, props for crafting such vivid imagery; just maybe consider taking us somewhere less trodden in future chapters. 🌲👻
Honestly, "The Hollow Tree" feels more like a knock-off of every cliched horror story I've ever read—it's got the whole 'forgotten memory' and 'mysterious evil woman' thing going on;; not exactly groundbreaking stuff here.
yo, your writing really brings the chills with all those eerie details and haunting imagery. the moon playing a role in this dance between light and darkness is super cool—like something out of an old legend that’s just begging to be explored more deeply. but I'm kinda curious about how this ties into the protagonist's past; you mentioned she's from their history, so what kind of bond did they share? was it friendship, rivalry, or something else entirely? digging into that backstory might unravel some intriguing dynamics and give readers even more reason to root for—or fear—them as the story unfolds. keep weaving those threads—it feels like there's so much potential for unexpected twists on both personal and supernatural levels! 🌌
this story starts strong, with atmosphere and tension... but it feels like I've wandered into a cliché horror script??? the hollow woman's character lacks novelty; she's more of a template than a terror. sure, you mentioned she's from the protagonist's past, yet her motives remain clouded in predictability; could you provide us with something truly unique about her or the connection? also, i'm not convinced by the 'moon as a savior' trope—it seems overused and lackluster 😒 maybe consider shaking things up a bit: surprise us!!
Damn, you've got a knack for creating this chilling atmosphere; I felt like I was right there in that creepy forest! 🌲 But you know what really caught my attention? The whole idea of the trees acting almost like characters themselves, mourning and bowing to the Hollow Woman's approach….. it adds a layer of eeriness to the scene that's both unsettling and fascinating. Have you thought about expanding on the connection between nature and these supernatural events—as if the whole forest is complicit or aware in some way? Honestly, such small details can make readers pause and rewind, pondering their own interpretations. From my experience reading similar stories, fleshing out those little nuances can truly elevate your narrative to new depths!
Wow, this story really captivated me with its eerie vibe!