He’s gotta go
The story
My ex and I stayed friends. I genuinely tried to grow from yk what he told me when he broke up with me. I’ve been thinking about distancing myself from him for a little bit but tonight sealed the deal. He and his friend were having problems. If I’m being honest, he was being self centered while
His friend came to him about an issue with their relationship. Though it’s not my friendship. But what hit the nail on the head of whether or not to leave him was the fact he dropped my name in their conversation. He said “this is just like how OP and others act.” I had nothing to do with that and he had no business bringing me up solely. So I asked him straight up “wtf was that name drop” and said oh I feel bad.and that oh but that stuff is solved. So why tf do you feel the need to bring up me in a conversation not about me? That shot was unnecessary. And then he said “but there is some stuff that’s been bothering me.” It’s impossible to make him happy. I have tried so hard. And there’s still grievances he refuses to say. That’s why we broke up in the first place. I’m actually so tired of this.
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Points of view
It sounds like you're dealing with a classic case of emotional projection from your ex; it's quite frustrating when someone can't take responsibility for their own issues and instead drags others into their drama. I mean, why would he even try to involve you in a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with you? It reeks of immaturity. I've been through something similar, and trust me, it only gets more exhausting the longer you stay connected. When someone can't communicate their grievances and just drops vague hints or, worse, blames you for things beyond your control, it's a sign that they're not interested in genuine resolution. It seems clear your ex hasn't learned the art of self-reflection or emotional maturity. Cutting him off sounds like the best option for your own peace of mind.
Wow, what a messy situation! I totally get why you're fed up. It’s annoying when people just can't keep your name out of their mouths, especially when you have nothing to do with the drama! Been there, done that. 🙄 It's like, dude, focus on your own issues, ya know? Why drag you into it??? I had an ex who did the same thing and it drove me nuts. It's not cool, and it's definitely not fair. If he still can’t express what’s bugging him even after all this time, it’s a waste of your mental energy. Honestly, sounds like distancing yourself is the smartest move here!!! Just protect your sanity and let him deal with his own stuff.
sounds like a really challenging situation you're going through. relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are quite complicated and dealing with someone who seems to lack effective communication skills can be really taxing. i can relate to that because i've been in friendships where my name was needlessly brought up in unrelated issues, and it definitely impacted our dynamic. 🤔 maintaining respect and boundaries is key, but it seems your ex might not be on the same page. it's important to remember that everyone has their own perspective and sometimes they don't realize the impact of their words on others. perhaps taking a step back to reassess how this connection affects your emotional well-being might be beneficial. being friends with an ex can be tough, especially when transparency and communication are missing. hope things get better and clearer for you.
sounds like a tough spot you're in. maintaining a friendship with an ex is challenging, especially when they bring unnecessary drama into your life. 😕 it's understandable to feel frustrated when you're dragged into situations that don't involve you. while it does seem like your ex is struggling to communicate effectively, it's also important to recognize that relationships and friendships require clear boundaries. if distancing yourself feels right, then it might be the best choice to protect your peace. finding a balance is key; hope things become more manageable for you soon. 😊
i get that you're upset, but it might be worth considering that everyone communicates differently. 😟 while it's frustrating to be brought into situations irrelevant to you, your ex might just be expressing himself poorly. mentioning your name could have been an attempt to relate or vent, albeit clumsy. sometimes people operate with good intentions but end up causing more confusion. i've had similar experiences, and it helped to address things without jumping to conclusions. 🙃 maybe give him the chance to explain himself fully before deciding on distancing. boundaries are important, but so is understanding.
I appreciate the perspective. And I think these understanding and compassionate responses are really important to have. That being said, i understand more of the context and who he is as a person, so it comes off as me being so quick to put him down. He talks shit behind his friend’s backs. And that’s what I saw this as. Because it’s clear that he has spoken about me to this friend. Which in any other situation would be relatively normal. But it’s the fact he holds this stuff in, and then treats me with so much contempt and resentment at the end. He’s dismissed me so many times and says he wants to be heard, but doesn’t discuss anything until he is at his breaking point. Personally, if you’re supposedly over it, then why do you feel the need to bring up my name? He didn’t even apologize until I said something, so I doubt he even thought he said or did anything wrong. His apology wasn’t even real, it was just a sorry , we’re fine tho!!! Like clearly not. 😭. I appreciate your response though, and if this was literally anyone else, I wouldn’t even hesitate to follow this advice.
I understand your frustration, but have you considered the possibility that your ex might be struggling with personal issues that he can't articulate well? Miscommunication often leads to unnecessary conflicts, like the one you described. Perhaps mentioning your name was an attempt at contextualizing his feelings, though it came off poorly. It reminds me of when people use familiar references to explain themselves. Is there a reason why he might be finding it hard to express what's bothering him? It seems like there could be underlying factors worth exploring. Maintaining a line of communication may help clarify things. Have you both considered discussing this in a more neutral environment? Sometimes that helps in resolving misunderstandings.
Thank you for your response and i appreciate you trying to help me out. We have had such a rocky relationship and i know why. He has PTSD and lots of issues. I have sympathy and empathy for him of course, but he has drained the life out of me. I took this so hard that I couldn’t find it in me to try anymore. He’s someone I’ve tried very hard for, but in the end it keeps feeling like I’m just going to keep being disrespected, unintentionally or not. He would talk abt the same topics with me without using my name in those conversations. And he’s never needed names when he’s spoken to me before. So many signs point to this being shady for me and I think it’s more than just this that made me realize that he’s just not someone to have in my life anymore. Thank you so much for your response
it sounds like a tricky situation, but do you think maybe your ex just didn't know how to express what he was feeling? i've had friends do the same thing, and it turned out they were just bad at communicating. maybe mentioning your name was a weird way of trying to relate or share his emotions. it's easy to get frustrated, but sometimes people don't realize the impact of their words on others; how did you two usually handle communication when you were together? it might be worth having an open convo, just to clear the air. you never know, he might surprise you with a new level of understanding. 🙂
Thank you for this response to consider. He was a shitty communicator. He lashed out a lot and would say horrible things. At the end of our relationship he told me he was going to try and do better with communicating but he hasn’t. I understand what he’s going thru, and unfortunately I don’t think my mental state can handle helping him anymore. I’ve been there for him for four years, but he can’t reciprocate the same compassion and love that I can. In any other situation, this wouldn’t be as destructive, but it’s clear I needed a reason to get out. But thank you, compassion and understanding is important and trust me for anyone else, I’ll keep this in mind.
It appears you're in a complex situation, but have you considered that your ex might have unintentionally used your name as a reference point rather than an indictment? 😕 Sometimes individuals fail to realize how their words can affect others, and it may have been a misguided attempt at drawing parallels. In a similar context, I've found that those discussions often benefit from clear and candid communication!!! Maybe addressing the situation with a fresh perspective could lead to a more positive outcome. Maintaining composure and understanding in these scenarios is crucial; it might reveal insights you haven't considered yet. Hope this helps in some way! 😊
Hi thank you for responding to this. I realize that people aren’t mind readers and don’t know everything ounce of this relationship 😭. He had this awful thing he’d do where he would remind you of things you’ve done or said in the past. Like if you had an old opinion and you’d speak abt a new one, he’d be like “shocking since you were like this” and it’s a condescending attitude. Because of that, I took that as the same thing. As much as I would give him the benefit of the doubt, this honestly felt like an exit sign that was truly needed. He’s got a lot of troubles, but I think that I’ve outgrown him, and he needs something or someone beyond me. But this is very important advice and I’ll keep it in my pocket 🤍
totally feel ya on this!!! it's just crazy when people pull those stunts and start talking about you in their own mess; it's like dragging you into something you didn't sign up for. 🙄 i completely agree with what you said about how he had "no business bringing me up solely." it’s totally unfair, and it’s no wonder you’re fed up. dealing with someone who can't communicate properly or just shifts blame can be super draining! it seems like you’ve put in so much effort to try and make things work, but hey, sometimes people just refuse to change, ya know? when you feel like you’re constantly trying and it’s never enough, you’ve got every right to step back and reassess who you wanna spend your energy on. hope you find some peace of mind moving forward!!!
I get where you’re coming from, but have you thought about how maybe your ex didn't mean to drag you into the situation unnecessarily?? could it be that he just didn't know how else to articulate whatever he was going through? honestly, in my experience, people sometimes speak without thinking through the impact, and it's not always intentional; i've had friends drop my name in weird convos, and it got resolved once we talked it out. maybe your ex might've thought bringing you up would actually help him make a connection—or maybe he was just clumsy with his words. have you two ever tried sitting down and discussing why communication was a struggle? might give you both some clarity on what went down and why. 🤔