ever get that feeling like you're the only one walking through school halls invisible to the world????? i'm 17 and it's like i'm in some glitch in the simulation. others are collecting friends like i collect those stupid online game achievements, but me??? nada. it's not that i haven't tried either; i've done the whole "join a club" thing, poured my soul into band practice, and stayed late at those oversold "life-changing" workshops that counselors swear are opportunities. sure, i've got acquaintances, but those hollywood-style, ride-or-die friendships???? ha, guess they're on backorder for me!!! who knew navigating the social web would feel like trying to solve a rubik's cube blindfolded? i sometimes wonder, am i a walking wifi dead zone or living life on airplane mode?????

remember some adults love throwing out advice like "be yourself" or "you've got to put yourself out there"... gee, thanks, hadn't thought of that. it's not like i'm antisocial or a wallflower, though talking to someone feels like booting up an old pc—slow, clunky, but it gets there in the end (most times). at every pep talk, i nod like a bobblehead or a yes man, but when it boils down to it, that six-word mantra becomes white noise. "fake it 'til you make it" seems enticing—pretending i've got it all together in hopes it becomes a reality. *spoiler alert*—still waiting on that shift. maybe i missed the memo on how to fit the mold or ace the secret friendship interview. should i be taking notes?????

but here's the kicker—each day, my classmates flaunt their BFFs with matching necklaces or those idiotic coordinated dance moves. "watch our sick routine!" they say—ugh, puke me to the moon. why can't someone be cool with the more chill type, like wandering the local trails or binging some obscure cult classic??? not that i'm bitter (just checking!!!), but i'm strangely optimistic, like some masochistic sucker believing that karma has a twisted sense of humor. i guess it's true what some say, "good things come to those who wait." maybe the human algorithm just hasn't processed my request yet??? online, i've found comrades-in-keyboards who share the same plight—living charades waiting for our tribe to find us. strangely comforting, yet bittersweet.

so what's the game plan now????? patience sucks, but it's part of life's obnoxious curriculum, isn't it????? pushing forward, reminding yourself "this too shall pass" because high school isn't the endgame. hell, it's only the first level before the real quest truly begins. the awkwardness??? a rite of passage into adulthood's unfathomable chaos. the absence of friends doesn't define the haphazard journey of societal expectations. instead, embracing my quirks might just attract another oddball-looking-for-their-own kindred spirit. anyone else feeling the struggle to "fit in," just like me???? because life is a marathon, not a sprint―and it’s a damn long run without podcasts or a killer playlist. maybe one day i'll have one of those laugh-till-you-cry revelations and thank the universe for its eccentric ways. but till then, i'll keep clicking 'refresh' on life's social page, waiting for that genial notification to ping.

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