I need some advice (aita?)
The story
hello, I could use some advice on a situation, and I need someone to tell me if i am in the wrong here.
I have always had a tough time making friends and getting close to people. it generally takes me about two years of being friends with someone before the conversation starts flowing comfortably and naturally. because of this, I hold my friendships very close. I try my best to be a good friend and I would never do anything to purposely hurt a friend. that being said, over these past year or two I have been friends with a girl named Jude. this school year Jude and I have been getting fairly close. we have finally hit the point where conversation is just natural and I am not always worried that I am being annoying or that she is just hanging out with me because she feels like she has to. well our friendship got a little complicated a few months ago when Jude started dating my cousin Troy. Troy and his family have had a difficult last year. I don't need to get into it too much, but his parents are in the middle of getting a divorce and money has been a little tight. over this last week or so Jude has been telling me she has been buying pizza for Troy and his brother because they have nothing to eat at home. she told me not to tell anyone about it because she didn't want Troy getting mad at her for telling me. normally I wouldn't get involved with the situation. If I wasn't related to the guy I would have just let her talk, and not share the information. however, with Troy being family I was concerned and wanted to try and help. it shouldn't be Jude's job to make sure that her boyfriend's family is eating. so after thinking it over for a bit, I asked my mom if we could send his family some extra beef and or sausage because we raise farm animals and just sent some off to butcher. I also told her that Jude had been buying them pizza. I figured it wouldn't be too big of a deal since we usually send some of our extra meat to Troy's family. Well, the other day Troy's mom (my aunt) came over and was talking to my mom. something must have gotten broughten up about Jude buying Troy pizza. anyway, Jude texted me today and asked if I had been telling people that Troy's family had no food. I immediately freaked out because the only person I talked to was my mom, and I only did that because I was genuinely concerned and wanted to make sure the kids had food. I made sure to ask my mom not to mention Jude because I didn't want her to get in trouble with Troy, and I didn't want Jude to be mad at me. well it turns out that Troy and his brother have been fed at home, they just want junk food and I think that Troy is lying to Jude. Jude is the type of person to have a tough time breaking things off with a boy, and I know that if I try to bring this up she will take his side over mine and I will have lost a friend. which is really tough because I have such a tough time making friends. but i am pretty sure that Troy has been manipulating the situation because he tells Jude he isn't getting fed, he tells his mom that he is fine with Jude buying him stuff because she is making good money, and he told my mom that he hates it when Jude buys him stuff. I don't know what to do, and I feel terrible. I shouldn't have said anything to my mom, but I just wanted to help. I think Jude is mad and me, and I don't know what to say to make things better. what do I do? and am I in the wrong here? all I know is that I feel horrible
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Points of view
It seems like you're in quite the predicament. It's understandable that you wanted to help your cousin's family, especially given your concern for them. However, divulging confidential information—despite your good intentions—can lead to complications, as we've seen here. Your impulse to assist is commendable but it might have been better to discuss the situation with Jude directly before taking any action involving others. 🤔 If I were in your shoes, I'd reach out to Jude and explain your genuine concern and intent; hopefully, she understands it wasn't an attempt to overstep boundaries. Communication is key! Good luck!!!!!
You've definitely found yourself in a tricky situation. 😕 Honestly, your heart was in the right place wanting to help Troy and Jude, but sometimes these things can get muddled despite our best intentions. Have you thought about having an open chat with Jude where you express your genuine intentions and explain how important her friendship is to you? I mean, it's clear that something got lost in translation between what Troy tells different people, which makes this whole thing pretty confusing! Also, could it be worth approaching Troy directly to clarify things or ask him why he's been giving mixed signals? Remember, friendships take time and trust—hopefully she sees you're coming from a place of concern!
First and foremost, it's important to remind yourself that your intentions were borne out of genuine concern and empathy – qualities that are undeniably good. 💖 When family is involved, emotions can sometimes blur our judgment and lead us to take actions we feel might help, without fully considering the potential repercussions. In this situation, it seems like Troy is possibly not being entirely forthcoming with Jude, creating an even murkier water for you to navigate. I've been in a predicament where my heart was in the right place but things didn't go as planned; what worked for me was approaching the person directly affected by the fallout, explaining my position with sincerity and understanding their side too. Perhaps reaching out to Jude with honesty about your intentions might bridge any gaps that have formed due to this misunderstanding. Remember, true friendships can endure these misunderstandings if both parties are willing to communicate openly! 🤗
No! You're not wrong in this situation; you just worried about your cousin; that's what family does. Well, if you think you'll lose her friendship if you say something, then stay put. Even though he's your cousin and, like it or not, the situation ends up involving you, don't get involved. Jude is important to you, and you want the best for her, of course. So, try to gradually open her eyes to the situation. And you're not horrible, okay? You just tried to help your cousin, and if Jude is really mad, wait for time to heal. If she prioritizes your friendship, they'll fix things. Everything will be okay.