Im having a hard time with friends
The story
I don't know if this is how people usually write here but oh well;)
It's hard to feel wanted and loved when every interaction i have shows me otherwise. I had an exchange semester a while ago and thought i had found people who would be with me for a long time and we would manage to keep in touch. I was sure one of them was the love of my life and I convinced myself i couldn't live without her, now she barely answers my texts and when she does its with just a few words. If she was the only one it would've killed me a little but i would have other friends who still wanted me, but instead i just have a group of people that i miss so much i cant breathe meanwhile they move on with their lives like i was never even there. I understand that they already had a life before and i was just a moment in theirs but they were my whole life for 5 months, i had no one else, my family was an ocean away and my host family was unreliable, my friends were all i had. To know that the impact i had on them wasn't even 1% of the impact they had on me makes want to cry in bed forever.
They say they miss to one another but, like a broken telephone, the words never reach me and when they do they're followed by a week of silence that is only broken when i text first. I am sick of it. I hate texting first and i hate that I'm always the one to do it. For once i wish someone would reach out and say they miss me and i wish they would show it as well. I have a hard time trusting words of people who l've seen lying so nicely before so it kills me to not be sure if they actually want to keep in contact or if they were just saying it to make feel better. I know that there a worst things happen right now but to me this feels incredibly hurtful and i just want to be over it for good and i don't even know how to do that.
