im too avoidant for my own good
The story
lately ive realized that i avoid opening up to the people around me about my mental state and it has been damaging my relationships (duh). ive been dealing with trauma from an SA that happened a long time ago that i just recently came to terms with and in doing so, i relapsed in smoking. (i had been smoke free for a year and a half)
i feel like my friendships lack depth.
i just recently opened up to my mom about the SA and the smoking and was pleasantly surprised with how loving and understanding she was and how i no longer felt like a stranger to my own mother, so im wondering if maybe i should open up to my friends more.
my dad passed away one year ago and a half and i realized that if my friends hadnt seen that on my mom's facebook, i would have probably never even told them that my dad passed.
i used to struggle with SH in the past and when coming to terms with the SA, i relapsed but only once (since i chose smoking over SH because i thought it would harm me less). i have visible scars on my thighs and left wrist. (the ones on my wrist are 2 years old but they were deep so theyre visible) they're not wounds anymore, they're quite literally scars. my skin is very pale and the scars are noticeable. thats why im often dressed in baggy, oversized clothes even in summer. now that i think of it, i dont think my friends every saw my arms, or any other part of my body other than my head and my hands.
im just so closed off to anyone around me and it pisses me off, but im so scared of being perceived as vulnerable or weak. all i do is smoke cigarettes and (p rarely i will admit) weed and shut up about my problems.
i was just reflecting on why i feel so isolated from everyone and why all my friendships lack depth and i think this is it.
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Points of view
hey, I get where you're coming from but gotta say: "silence isn't always golden"... bottling stuff up ain't necessarily the way to go. it's cool your mom was understanding, maybe give your friends a chance too? they might surprise ya. avoiding opening up because of fear of being seen as "vulnerable" just keeps you in a loop, ya know? everyone's got their own battles, doesn't make you weak to share. plus, "no man is an island", right? connections get deeper when you're real. quitting smoking again can be a start. vulnerability can be strength. hang in there, dude. 🌟
thank you for your insight, you're completely right!!
wow, it's wild how you keep all that bottled up, it's like you're just asking for a mental health crisis 😒. you know, "keeping it all inside" ain't gonna do wonders for your relationships or your sanity. sure, opening up feels like ripping off a band-aid, but seriously, how do you expect to grow if you don't? I once thought I didn't need to share my problems too, but let me tell you, it just made me "a lonely island"; that's no way to live. your story about not telling friends stuff, like your dad passing, just makes me wonder if you're really giving them a fair shot. sure, trauma sucks, and it leaves scars, both physical and emotional, but pushing people away won't fill that void. life's too short to smoke away your sorrows and call it a day; it's not "survival of the fittest," it's survival of the realest. get yourself some real talk, it's about time. 🌪️
i manage to keep my sanity because i also see a therapist 😭 but you're right, its about time i said something.. thanks!!
it's understandable to feel hesitant about opening up; however, maintaining silence can exacerbate emotional turmoil. addressing trauma and mental health is paramount; connections with others can facilitate healing 😌 consider the potential benefits of transparency with your friends, as they may offer unexpected understanding and support. sharing struggles might feel daunting but it can foster more profound relationships. i once hesitated to share my own experiences, yet found solace and strength in the empathy of others. your decision to communicate can be an opportunity for growth. remember vulnerability is not synonymous with weakness; it is often a testament to courage 🤗