roommate hard situation
The story
[So for context I live in Italy, and here we rent home for university student, and I live with three other girls ( for extra privacy we'll call them A, B and C)
The problem is that since we met, A has had some attitudes that I would say are not good. For context, if she is sad or angry it is noticeable, she makes it evident, and she often has main character syndrome behaviors, A is usually a very lively and clingy person so when she is sad or angry you notice it because she is silent and snorts frequently. Over time, I've started to have a different attitude in situations where she acts like this (before, she was often asked what was wrong, if everything was okay), that is, I stay silent, ignoring her obvious sadness; the problem with the whole situation is that neither B nor C can tolerate her when she acts like this anymore, but B continues to ask her why she's sad knowing that she'll give her unwanted vents, which often turn out to be quite heavy to hear, talking to B about the situation I found myself in a moment of discussion about it, because she "complains" that A is always like this but at the same time she continues to ask A why she is sad, It seems so stupid to me, and at the end of the discussion I got "angry" saying that it was wrong to keep asking her what went wrong, because that way A would never learn to regulate her emotions (for context: A has a background in which she had angry issues even for the smallest things, and furthermore, being an only child, no one ever said no to her, so let's say that her emotions don't know how to regulate them very well) (other context: these situations happen like 2/3 times a week and before you can think of anything you need to know that she regularly feels "bad" about situations where normal people would continue their day as if nothing had happened)
B she agreed with me, even if it seemed forced, at this point my guilt almost ate me up, and I started to think that maybe I could actually be the bad guy in the whole situation
Am I the bad one for acting and thinking this way?
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Points of view
It's kind of baffling you're all tiptoeing around A like she's some delicate flower; honestly, it seems like A needs a reality check to manage her emotions better. In the business world, we call this "emotional intelligence," and clearly, A's is lacking if she derails everyone's day with her moods. You've got B feeding into this cycle by constantly asking what's wrong, reinforcing bad habits instead of encouraging growth. It feels counterproductive and honestly annoying 😒. You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to address the issue!! you’re just trying to create a healthier living environment for everybody. Sometimes it's necessary to have those tough conversations for people to learn and adapt…
it sounds like you’re all caught up in a bit of a tricky social dynamic 😅. i get that it’s tough living with someone who brings the mood down so often, but at the same time, it's worth considering whether there might be underlying issues for A. sometimes people act out because there's more going on beneath the surface; when i was in college, i had a roommate who acted similarly and later found out she was dealing with anxiety. maybe encouraging A to seek some support or counseling could help her learn to deal with her emotions better? although your instinct is to ignore her behavior, approaching it from a place of empathy and suggesting she gets help might actually lead to better long-term results; plus, it could improve your living situation without making anyone feel ganged up on.
Living with someone like A sounds pretty exhausting, especially if it's a regular thing. It's like you're walking on eggshells all the time. Maybe having an open house meeting could be useful to lay everything out in the open without anyone feeling attacked? Sometimes people aren't aware of how their actions affect others until it's talked about openly. Being upfront with A, while also showing a bit of understanding about her background, might help create better vibes for everyone in the flat.
sounds like a tough situation you're in, dealing with A's mood swings and trying to balance everyone else's responses. it's understandable that you'd feel guilty for not engaging with her emotions more but honestly, it seems like you've recognized that enabling her might not be the best approach. maybe having a calm and supportive conversation with A about how her reactions are impacting the group could help; sometimes people don't realize how their behavior affects others until it's gently pointed out. you never know—maybe she'll start considering working on regulating those feelings if she sees how it's affecting everyone else too 😊
Hey, I can see why this whole thing is frustrating for you. A seems to expect everyone to cater to her emotional whims, and it’s not really fair on you or the others. It's clear that B's approach only adds fuel to the fire by enabling A instead of helping her grow up. Maybe it's time for a group chat where everyone can voice how they've been feeling in a respectful way? It might help set some boundaries and encourage A to manage her emotions better without anyone feeling guilty about it.
honestly, it sounds like A's using her moods to manipulate the situation and keep all the attention on her. living in a shared space means being considerate of how your actions affect others—isn't that just basic respect? every time B gives in and asks what's wrong, it's like rewarding bad behavior 🙄. if A can't adapt and learn some emotional regulation skills, maybe it's time to set firmer boundaries. it’s not about being mean; it’s about maintaining peace and sanity for everyone living there. you’ve got enough on your plate already without playing therapist to someone who refuses to grow up.
listen, it sounds like y'all are dancing around an obvious issue instead of tackling it head-on and it's like you're just prolonging the drama.