Thoughts

It's crazy to me that im just a kid and im already thinking about how life is gonna be when im gonna turn 20. Will i find a partner? (probably not). Will i find a house or a flat to live in? Will i struggle with rent? Will i finally get a cat to keep me company like one did in a dream of mine? Will i go out? I think u know the drill but one of the questions is different to me at least. And that one is: Will i even make it to 20?

I know i am a coward and that i cant do anything without guidance so the honest and most likely answer would be no, i won't make it to 20. But does that mean, that i have to throw all my dreams away now? My dreams of playing guitar, my dreams of photographing and my one and only important dream to find someone who will get me? Not even a partner but perhaps, my muse? My best friend? My soulmate? I always had a picture in my mind of this girl. Ginger hair, Freckles everywhere, long and sharp eyeliner, smoky eyeshadow, lip piercing, dark brown eyes, skinny figure, looking straight into my camera lens with eyes full of love and patience. Someone who would never turn her back on me but i know it's unrealistic, i cant find someone with those specific features but god i just wish someone could tell me that its gonna be okay, i will get through 20, i will be happy, i wont be stuck in a loop of working and laying on my bed staring at the ceiling, someone who would both tell me and make me feel like im worth something. Someone who will tell me that and say it to my face so i will never forget that.

This is so corny man i hate myself

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