Welp got rejected
The story
Asked out my friend and well got rejected not mad or sad kinda expected it but honestly the issue comes with me idk how to explain i hate my self yeah and i want to better my self but i never had real friends or a fun childhood i dont have any talents or niches but everyone around me does i feel talentless and well idk and well when i hang with my friends i dont connect or even in the friend group i pretend i play a role like in a play and the moment i fufill it i dissapear like they know im their but im not ya know its weird and i soe d money just to hang cuz well no one invites me to things and when people invite me its weird im starting to see the world through a lens of friendship can be bought because i have to invite to hang and spend money and i even spend money on them because i dont want them to leave i feel more comfortable in being used because well no one ever does the same for me invites me or just does it just cause idk i just feel like everything can be bought now if you have money and i dont mind being used if they stay friendship has officially kinda become dead now to me same thing with relationships idk kinda weird i guess i just hope they still need me i want to have real friends one day if thats even possible same thing for love if not ill just go on one time use all my money and just end it i guess just one day where i go out either a bang idk when i think about i just feel happy when i think about it i kinda cNt wait for that day mabye its just self sabotage oh well what can i do about it
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sounds like you're stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling like an outsider and trying to buy your way into friendships. it's tough when you feel like people are only around because of what you can offer financially, but maybe focusing on finding folks who appreciate you for who you are might help break that pattern; it’s easier said than done, sure, but finding even one person who's genuinely interested in "you" could change a lot. also, ever thought about picking up a hobby or skill just for yourself? sometimes developing something personal can give you more confidence and make interactions feel less transactional.
dude, sounds like you're in a rough patch. i felt the same way back when i was just starting college, always trying to fit in with people who seemed different. you don’t have to buy friendship though; it’s hard when it feels like you’re invisible unless you’re spending. but maybe just start small, focus on finding your own vibe away from the pressure of keeping a "role" up, ya know? real connections take time and won't cost you anything but being yourself (cliché but true). also, hitting rock bottom isn't the end, it's kinda like ground zero for rebuilding stronger bonds that matter.