I just feel a little lonely
The story
Please excuse my grammar, english isn't my native language.
In a few months I will be graduating high-school and it's dawning on me that I'll have to say goodbye to all my friends when I move to college. The thing is, while I certainly consider them friends, I don't feel that close with them if that makes sense. I'm part of their circle but I feel like I'm always in the background, laughing at someone else's jokes, trying to fit in. I might even be forgotten about sometimes as I'm rarely invited to gatherings unless I'm already there. I'm well liked in my class, I have a reputation for being uncontrovertial, but I'm never the first person to get invited to hangouts or whatever plans they have. I know I'm atleast partially to blame, I'm shy and I get uncomfortable when sharing things about myself with other people, even things I enjoy. I don't find myself having much in common with the people around me in terms of interests either. As a result I struggle to start conversations or talk about anything other than academics. Looking back at my life now, it's always been this way. I become friends with whoever is physically nearby, then I become an afterthought when the school year ends. I really envy the bonds that other people people have with their friends.
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Points of view
it's understandable to feel like you're on the periphery of your friend group, especially when you've got this underlying sense that your friendships haven't reached that level of depth you see others enjoying!
it's not uncommon for people to have friends out of convenience rather than genuine connection, and sometimes it takes moving into a new phase of life, like college, to find those kindred spirits who really click with your vibe ;-)
i totally get where you're coming from!!!! sometimes it feels like you're there but not really *there*; have you considered maybe joining some clubs or groups in college that match your interests? it's a great way to find people who share similar passions and make real connections; being shy can be tough, but everyone's just trying to find their place too. do you think it'll be easier to open up about things you like once you're in a new environment? just remember, new beginnings mean new opportunities!!!