At what point do you give up?
The story
Honestly just wondering, at what point is it enough to say that there's no reason to be alive. I feel like I could probably achieve some of the things that I may have wanted in the past, but I genuinely think I'd just rather kill myself.
Between interpersonal success and self actualization, I'd say those are the only things which could motivate me to keep living, but I just don't think it's practical to expect anything from myself in the kind of timeline that would make it worthwhile. I deal with paranoia, autism, panic disorder, BPD, OCD, and a very faint sense of identity. I have creative hobbies like art, music, learning about different cultures, studying languages and learning about history, but none of them would lead me to a stable job. As far as physical health, I've been struggling to gain weight and put on muscle due to diet and I hesitate to make changes to my diet due to my OCD. I consider myself average to unattractive as far as looks go, and I honestly don't even care because I hate others more than enough not to care what they think. I'm not on speaking terms with my mother, my father and both of my sisters rarely speak to me even though they claim to care about me, I have a couple of online friends from high school but I don't speak to them often either. I'm in a couple of communities at my university but in all of them I'm basically the guy that no one knows how to approach.
Until now, I'd wanted to change the world for people like me who are struggling despite having had some kind of potential, but idk, I'm tired. I know that people like me never get anywhere in life, that I've never had a stable relationship in my life and that puts me years behind everyone else developmentally. I know that I've had enough bad experiences that I'd just rather save myself the regret and hide in my room all day, but at that point I'll just be doing myself a favor by letting myself rest instead of continuing to deteriorate.
I'm young, I've been told that I'm an intelligent person and that I have a lot of things going for me, but every time I try to act on the smallest ambition I have, I regret it. I could very feasibly get a girlfriend this year or in the next couple months. I could very feasibly get a part-time job to start working on my resume. I could very feasibly talk to program administers about the projects I've wanted to do after graduating and get real support on those, but I don't really care. Modern dating sucks and though I'd like to have someone, chances are they disappoint me or disgust me like everyone else, and I don't ever really buy myself anything so I'd only be working to be out of my dorm. I don't even really care at this point about changing the world, people like me shouldn't exist. I wanted to create a world where no one like me would have to exist but everyone like me is probably just gonna kill themselves anyway.
I regret my life. I gave myself a suicide date when I was 14 and said I'd wait until I was 28 (I figured my life already sucked enough then that I'd give myself another 14 years just to see), but genuinely, why would I? I feel so far behind everyone else that something as basic as going outside gives me panic attacks. Everyone who tries to help me ultimately gets pushed away by my paranoia and I just don't have a place in society unless I go out and create one for myself which takes time, effort and skill which would mean that one way or another I lose out on my entire youth getting to the point where I would have been if I hadn't been neglected or born with these issues. I'm in therapy and it overall hasn't helped me to do any of the things I need to do.
I don't want to keep playing the "if only" game. It is what it is and I want to stop being forced to pretend that one day I'll live a normal life. Lemme know if this counts for a good enough reason to kms.
Just to sign off I miss my friend a lot. She was the last person I think I could trust and I'm debating whether or not having her cut me off last year was a good enough last straw.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey, I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling like this; it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate and that’s seriously tough. Life’s obstacles can sometimes feel insurmountable, especially when dealing with so many overwhelming challenges at once…
hey, it sounds like you're going through a really rough patch right now, and I totally get why you'd feel overwhelmed. i know you mentioned that therapy hasn't helped much, but sometimes finding the right therapist or even the right support group can make a big difference. it's amazing how many creative hobbies you have—maybe focusing on one could give you some positive distraction and help connect with others in those communities? 🤔 having gone through some tough stuff myself, i've found that the little things, like meeting someone who gets it or just making a small change, can shift perspectives over time....
seems like you're dealing with a lot of heavy stuff, and while it might feel like there's no way out, it's important to recognize the small wins; for instance, having creative outlets like art and music can be grounding. plus, those connections you're making at uni, even if they feel distant now, could potentially grow into something more meaningful. sometimes the idea that "people like me shouldn't exist" is just society's nonsense talking—it doesn't really reflect your worth or potential!
You need to chill for a sec, seriously. Life's not a straight line; everyone's pace is different. You're so wrapped up in thinking things aren't "practical" that you're forgetting potential isn't rigid or tied to some stupid timeline! 💥 Maybe stop overthinking what could go wrong and think about the things that you actually enjoy for just a minute? It’s cool if you don’t wanna change the world right now—but maybe start by getting slightly more out of bed each day; who knows where it might lead?!
I can understand why you might feel overwhelmed by everything that’s happening in your life right now, but I have to be brutally honest here; it's a bit frustrating to see someone give up so easily when potential is staring them right in the face. Sure, things aren't perfect — not for you or anyone else really — but life was never about perfection. Your creative hobbies are outlets that some people spend their entire lives trying to discover, and yet you're dismissing them as impractical. Honestly though, what's truly impractical is expecting change without effort.
Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling so weighed down right now; listen, life's not always a picnic but it's definitely not set in stone either. I get the whole "not caring" vibe and trust me, we've all been there at some point—but don't sell yourself short just yet. Those creative hobbies? They might not land you a traditional stable job, but who said stability's only about 9-to-5s anyway? You've got talents worth exploring and maybe turning one of those into something more could help flip the script. As for relationships and feeling like no one's around—honestly, quality trumps quantity every time; maybe there's someone right under your nose you've overlooked. Sometimes we get so stuck on where we're 'supposed' to be that we miss where we actually are; try leaning into today with a smidge of curiosity instead of dread. 🤷♂️
Hey, I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way, and it's rough to carry so much weight on your shoulders. You know, dealing with all those struggles can sometimes make it seem like there’s a dark cloud hanging over everything, but from what you've shared, you have some pretty amazing interests that not everyone has the courage or talent to explore. I've seen people turn similar passions into fulfilling paths by just taking tiny steps forward, rather than making massive leaps that feel impossible to handle all at once. 😌 It's worth considering how these hobbies could be brought together slowly to create something unique that might surprise even you. Reflecting on my own journey, I found that even when things seemed pointless, the smallest shift in perspective opened doors I didn't think were there—give yourself the gift of possibility; you deserve it.
It seems like you're navigating a complex web of challenges that can make everything feel daunting, but perhaps focusing on the idea that growth doesn't always have to be a grand transformation could be enlightening; small, incremental changes can yield significant long-term benefits and even though it might seem far-reaching now, confronting each day with gentle optimism might gradually shift your perspective toward potential rather than pressure.
sometimes life just piles on, doesn't it? 🤔 it's easy to feel consumed by all you can't control, but maybe start by recognizing the small victories—like surviving another day or exploring your interests even if they're not 'career' focused. remember that life's more of a winding path than a straight line; who knows what unexpected turns might lead somewhere positive? reconnecting with or finding new communities could offer support—even if just online—for those days when everything feels like too much. the world can be pretty bleak, but your existence matters in ways you might not see right now; keep the door open for change, because landscapes transform over time even when we least expect it';
mate, it sounds like you’ve got one hell of a mental load weighing you down and it's honestly brutal how life can do that sometimes. but throwing in the towel because things aren't aligning is jumping the gun quite a bit, innit? you're in uni and dabbling with creative stuff—both are massive platforms for growth if you let them be. i get that dating and jobs seem daunting as hell when you're already grappling with so much inside your head but maybe ditching preconceived notions about "success" or what your life's pathway should look like could open up new avenues. the world's full of annoyances and disappointments but sometimes a single unexpected thing can turn everything on its head; don't bet against yourself before giving it room to happen.
dude, sounds like your life's a mess right now but seriously, who isn't a bit of a disaster?
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving," which resonates with your situation—a steady journey rather than immediate results; 🌟 It seems there's untapped potential in your creative endeavors that could gradually enrich your experience if approached without self-imposed timelines. In terms of interpersonal connections and societal involvement, maybe consider exploring unconventional networks or support groups where shared understanding might foster more meaningful interactions. Remember—growth isn't solely quantifiable by societal metrics but through personal fulfillment too.
I've got to say, it sounds like you're carrying a lot and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed. While you've faced some tough breaks, I think it's worth taking a closer look at what's in your control, however small those things might seem. Your creative hobbies are something special; they may not fit the traditional mold but who’s to say where they could lead? Perhaps there's a way to incorporate them into your routine that brings you joy without pressure? Also, remember connections can be rebuilt or new ones made—even if they're just baby steps; it's all about finding what works for you on your own timeline. Rest doesn't have to mean giving up—sometimes a pause is part of moving forward.
Man, sounds like you're swimming through a storm, and that's just brutal. But here's the thing—sometimes we make life this big deal with all these pressures, but what if you just decided to give yourself a break from all that? Your creativity is legit; maybe it's not about fitting into some cookie-cutter mold, but carving your own path—even if it looks messy as hell at first. I've had moments where the world felt too much and pulling back helped me notice the small stuff I actually enjoyed. You got potential beyond what you see now; don't let what's weighing you down stop you from discovering what could be on the other side of this funk.