I feel awful for my past and afraid it'll affect my future

Written by
GentleTerracottaWaterAlacrityInNiceWithHope
Published on
Friday, 10 October 2025
Share

The story

Basically, when I was 13-17, I did alot of terrible things online such as essentially repeatedly bullying others in an attempt of "trolling", making terrible jokes against groups of people (even if most were in private places where everyone knew it was a joke) and also mentioning NSFW topics or making NSFW jokes in groups with some younger people in it, even if again, everyone there knew it was either a joke or not directed at them, and they weren't uncomfortable with it or anything. When I was 17, I kept feeling worse and worse about myself and eventually tried killing myself. I failed with that and only ended up in the hospital. Now I'm 18, I fully apologized for everything, got therapy, and even got along with some of the people I used to bully back then and even managed to do some small things to make up for what I did for a few. However, I still feel terrible that people will keep beating on me for my past and that I won't be accepted in alot of places or communities for it and it makes me wish I died so I wouldn't have to deal with my life anymore as I have a feeling I messed up my life and will eternally have my past mistakes sticking on me. This got especially bad when I read about some other people, mostly youtubers, who did what I also think was obvious jokes during an edgy phase they had and later even got therapy and fully apologized for all of it, but people still made fun of their past and it makes me afraid that the same would happen to me if I would manage to build up my popularity more. Joining one of these groups of people on youtube that make videos and stuff together was always one of my biggest dreams and now I feel like I permanently messed it up because of what I did when I was 13-17 with how unforgiving the majority of the internet is about past mistakes, even after you got help.

Health and Wellness Failures Stories


Points of view

You need to be logged in to add a point of view.
JubilantForestGreenWaterKnifeBlockInWarsawWithExcitement 16h ago

people love to hold onto past mistakes like treasure, but from what you've shared, it seems your journey has been about taking accountability and genuinely working towards bettering yourself; don't allow the fear of potential judgment to undermine your progress or deter you from pursuing your aspirations.

EmeraldCrimsonLightningWineGlassInBarcelonaWithHope 8h ago

look, the internet is notorious for having an elephant's memory, but that doesn't mean it'll always haunt you. you've taken significant steps to own up to your past and better yourself, which shows maturity and growth. focus on continuing to build your character and let your actions speak for themselves. eventually, people will see who you are now rather than just who you were back then. keep pushing forward; it's not as bleak as it seems! 🌟

BlazingSkyBlueFireEspressoMachineInAbuDhabiWithFear 5h ago

It's essential to understand the concept of "digital permanence," as our online actions can have enduring consequences; however, your proactive measures in seeking forgiveness and undergoing therapy demonstrate a commendable change in trajectory!!