i dunno how much longer i can keep doin this. every day feels like a repeat of the last one, same desk, same fake smiles, same pressure that keeps building and building and no one even talks about it. it’s like everyone at my job is running on fumes, but we all pretend like we're fine, like if we stop even for one sec someone else will take our spot. we're not working to grow or create anymore, we're working to survive. to not get fired. to not be the next one in that “meeting” room where they tell you your position is being "restructured." i see people cryin in their cars before walkin in, people stayin late even when their eyes are red and they got kids waitin at home. and me? i’m no different. i wake up with this knot in my chest every single morning, scared to check my emails, scared my name’ll be the next one called. i work through lunch, i say yes to everything even when i’m drowning. nd still, i feel like i’m not doin enough.

i used to have dreams man, like real ones. i thought i’d work hard, make a name for myself, maybe even lead a team one day. now? now i just dream about sleep. about quiet. about not feelin like i’m gonna snap if one more damn task lands on my plate. i can’t even remember the last time i laughed for real, or felt proud of anything i did. i just feel numb most of the time. or angry. or scared. i don’t talk to my friends anymore, i cancel plans, i ignore calls from my mom cause i don’t got the energy to pretend i'm ok. my brain don’t even shut off at night. i lay there thinking about what i didn’t finish, what i should’ve said in that meeting, whether my manager secretly hates me. nd then the alarm goes off and it starts all over again. i feel like i’m losing pieces of myself every damn day.

the people here... they’re all in survival mode. no one shares real thoughts anymore. everyone smiles but it’s all surface level. we’re competing silently, watching each other like hawks, pretending to be “team players” while lowkey hoping someone else messes up first. it’s toxic but no one says anything, cause no one wants to be seen as the weak one. and i feel like i’m goin crazy cause i can see it for what it is and yet i still show up and play the game. even when my body’s screamin to rest. even when my mind's all foggy. i drink like 3 coffees a day just to function, sometimes i skip meals, and still i get told i need to “show more initiative.” what the hell do they want from me?? blood?? i’m already runnin on empty. they want perfect robots, not humans. but i’m not a robot. i’m tired. i’m burnt out. and i feel like no one cares, like even if i collapsed at my desk, someone would just step over me and take my workload.

i don’t kno how to fix it. i don’t kno if it’s me or the job or the whole system but something’s wrong. i shouldn't feel this broken at my age. i shouldn't be questioning my sanity just cause of work. i don’t wanna be this bitter, exhausted version of myself forever. i miss when life had color, when i didn’t feel like cryin at the sound of another slack notification. i need something to change, but i’m scared. scared to leave cause what if it’s the same somewhere else? scared to speak up cause i might get fired. scared to admit i’m not okay cause that would mean facing how deep this all goes. so i keep goin, one day at a time, pretending i’m holdin it together when really... i feel like i’m losin my mind. and i don’t kno how much longer i can fake it.

Stories in the same category