self harm relapse
The story
moving to this house totally threw me off balance. i had this amazing support network back where I came from (friends who really got me you know?) and now I'm in this giant place surrounded by strangers. it's like drowning in a sea of faces and no one's even looking your way... ever felt that? I thought I'd manage alright but jokes on me! everything’s just so unfamiliar and overwhelming. there are days where coping with my emotions feels like climbing mount everest without gear or direction!!! 😩 the worst part? i've actually relapsed into habits i thought i'd buried long ago. self-harm, yes. i couldn't believe it myself when it happened... sigh! there's something about being in a new environment that just sort of stripped away all those little comforts that would usually anchor me down maybe it's because things aren't familiar they don’t feel right ya know?
i've tried a bunch of ways to distract myself... random hobbies, trying new foods, oh i've even gotten into weird tv shows people recommend... anything for some solace you know! but nothing sticks long enough before that emptiness kicks right back in 🙄 also therapy costs an arm and a leg here (gotta love city living amirite?) some days, reaching out to old friends over the phone barely comes close to how it was before! they're super far away, busy with their lives too, so it's hard for them to be fully present or offer real-time support like before. missing shared coffee sessions and spontaneous hangouts terribly! sure-being in such a vibrant city sounds exciting on paper advertizing those endless opportunities blah blah...but what good is all that when the excitement only makes its home inside your brain fleetingly? have you heard bob marley’s 'no woman no cry'? one line always hits hard when he says "everything's gonna be alright." ironic huh given where I am!!!! that's where i'm at kinda at wit's end honestly... hoping venting helps?
