Slf harm relapse
The story
I don't know where else to say this. I've been doing really well for the past few years in terms of managing my mental health and avoiding self-harm, something I struggled with intensely during my younger years. However, last week at work, a situation came up that just threw me into a spiral of anxiety and stress. It was like all the progress I'd made vanished. Ironically, I've surrounded myself with incredibly supportive friends who truly care about me, yet in those moments when I'm overwhelmed, it feels like no one can reach me in my isolation.
A project deadline was looming closer and I felt under a tremendous amount of pressure to deliver results that were not only punctual but impeccable. The expectations mounted as my boss consistently emphasized 'quality assurance' and 'streamlined processes' during team meetings; each word seemed to heighten my stress levels exponentially. Despite knowing that perfection is unattainable, I became consumed by the fear of failure and disappointing others.
On one particularly tough night after another long day at work filled with endless revisions, I found myself reaching for old habits as a way of coping. It breaks my heart to admit that I relapsed into self-harm after maintaining such dedicated control over it for years (it’s a pattern I've fought hard against). But here we are; guilt rides heavy on me now because I should have reached out instead of turning inward. There’s an overwhelming sense of shame associated with failing oneself.
The reactions from those around me were mixed: some people were incredibly understanding while others seemed oblivious or unsure how to support someone in this scenario despite their good intentions. To have these feelings return has been distressing enough but feeling far removed from the empathy surrounding me adds another layer altogether; it's isolating in ways hard to articulate even though logically I understand nobody expects perfection from me but myself.
Every day since then has been a little better than the last one thankfully (a minute step forward), although there remains this gnawing voice within persistently reminding me that I've stumbled backwards along a path that's already taken so much strength just to walk down again... A part of recovery involves forgiving oneself too right?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
hey maybe its jus tha way things r somtimes ya kno? like ur doin ur best but slip ups hapen i thnk u got this.
Absolutely true! Mistakes happen.
Thanks for saying that. Slip-ups do happen and I'm trying to accept that without beating myself up too much. It's just frustrating when it feels like progress disappears so easily, you know?
Man, it's seriously tough when it feels like everything crashes down all at once and you're just doing your best to hold on.
Yeah, it really does feel like that. Everything just piled up until I couldn't hold on anymore. It's exhausting trying to manage all of it at once, and some days are definitely tougher than others.
Man, I feel you. Pressure at work can be brutal and it just sneaks up on you when you're least expecting it. Reminds me of a time when I was buried under a mountain of deadlines, felt like drowning every single day, and the fear of letting folks down consumed me too; I ended up isolating myself even though friends were offering support left and right. What got me through was eventually realizing that it's okay to lean on people, even if their help isn't perfect or exactly what you need all the time. It's not about perfection but progress! be kind to yourself because healing's messy sometimes.
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone in these feelings and I appreciate hearing how leaning on others helped you. Progress over perfection is something I constantly need to remind myself of right now, especially when the days feel so overwhelming.
it's really tough to find yourself back in a place you thought you'd left behind, especially after being strong for so long. the pressure from work sounds ridiculously intense, and sometimes it feels like bosses forget we're humans under all those deadlines and "streamlined processes." supporting colleagues should be part of the job, not just those rigid 'quality assurance' terms. i've been there too, feeling like i'm letting myself down when old habits resurface. reminding myself that setbacks are part of the human experience helps; it's not easy but you're still moving forward. ultimately, healing isn't linear (yeah, kind of cliché) but not fighting alone is what matters most even if some folks around us don’t quite get it.
i hear what you're saying and totally feel you on work stress being overwhelming sometimes however don't be too hard on yourself for relapsing! Everyone has tough days (and sometimes our brains just go: 'nope') it's important you acknowledge the relapse without letting it define your entire recovery journey; also remember healing isn't linear and you'll get back on track soon enough!
Thank you for saying that! Sometimes it's hard not to be overly critical.
man, i totally feel ya. it's like you fight so hard and then boom, one rough patch and it feels like you're back at square one?!?! my work can get hectic too and makes me wanna crawl into a hole sometimes; guess we gotta remember progress ain't always a straight line. but you've been picking yourself up; that's powerful even if it doesn't feel like it right now, hang in there 🙌;
Thank you, it helps to hear that progress doesn't have to be a straight line. Sometimes just picking myself up again feels like the hardest thing, so I appreciate the encouragement. I'm trying to take it one step at a time.
The weight of expectations can be crushing, particularly when combined with the pressure to constantly deliver excellence. In high-pressure environments, even a well-built resilience can falter. Recovery isn't linear; it’s more complex, and encountering setbacks is an unfortunate but real part of the process you're navigating with so much effort.
Thanks, that's true. It's hard to remember that setbacks happen and aren't the end when you're in the middle of it all. Progress isn't straightforward, right? I appreciate your words.
In the realm of occupational stress and mental health management, it is essential to recognize that setbacks are normative, albeit disheartening; consider the wisdom of renowned psychologist Carl Rogers who underscored that "the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change," which suggests embracing imperfections may indeed catalyze a more compassionate self-reflection process.
yo, isn't it ironic how we're supposed to be all about progress and growth but the second we mess up a little, our brains act like it's game over?
wow, it really sounds like you're juggling so much right now. i've totally been there where work just puts this insane weight on our shoulders and it's easy to feel like we're slipping backward. but honestly? perfection's kind of a myth we keep chasing...and for what? the fact that you've already made baby steps forward shows resilience. sometimes i think life’s just one big rollercoaster and we've just gotta hang on during those crazy parts. finding ways to cope when everything feels out of control is key, maybe something new or distracting even if it's not perfect... sometimes all it takes is changing up one tiny habit!
but did anyone from work notice anything different tho?
Good question! Did it affect your performance?
Nobody seemed to notice much at work, which is both a relief and oddly disappointing. I guess I wanted someone to see through the facade and ask if I was okay, but maybe it's better this way.
Yeah, man, it's rough when you're caught in such a cycle. It really sucks that work can push us to the brink with all its demanding expectations and crazy deadlines. It's like they don't realize we're not machines! Those old coping mechanisms creeping back are a tough reminder of past struggles; but honestly, even the strongest people fumble sometimes. The real test of strength is how you bounce back after a slip-up, and it sounds like you're already moving in the right direction by acknowledging what happened instead of ignoring it. Progress might be slow, but each tiny step counts. Just keep cutting yourself some slack as you navigate through it all because no one has this stuff completely figured out yet!
yep stress can totally mess things up gotta agree wit ur point about ppl not always knowing how ta help im sure they tried their best tho and ya know what its ok tto stumble every once ina while cant b perfect all da time i hope u getting tha support u need n learning stuff bout urself thru this whole thing