just had another panic attack. it feels like my life is just a series of these stupid episodes. i know therapists call them "responses" and whatever but honestly, it just feels like my body is betraying me every single time. i'm so fed up with being exhausted after; seriously, it's like running a marathon mentally and physically.

had one at work today which was embarrassing in itself. there i was, trying to give a presentation on our latest project when bam, heart racing, can't breathe, sweaty palms... the whole nine yards. people think you’re just weak or looking for attention. no one understands unless they've been through it themselves.

i know some might suggest meditation or breathing exercises again but let's be real. those are really just band-aids on a bullet wound. sometimes nothing works no matter how hard you try and that’s just infuriating.

the aftermath is the worst part though: hours of feeling drained and spaced out, unable to focus on anything productive for the rest of the day. who can afford that? i've got deadlines and responsibilities yet these attacks don't care about any schedule.

so tired of hearing people say "just relax" (fuuuuck you people!!!). it's not about relaxing! wish they'd stop giving useless advice and start understanding the reality of what happens during these moments. until then i'll keep pretending everything's fine because apparently that's what society prefers.

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