what to say to someone with panic attack over text?

it's been really tough trying to figure out the right words to comfort my best friend when she's having a panic attack and the hardest part is that we're so far away from each other, sometimes I feel like I'm failing at being a good friend because I don't know if my messages actually help, and it's not like there's a universal script for this, you know? I always wonder whether I'm saying the right things, like, is there even such a thing as the "right thing" when it comes to text messaging during a panic attack? I've read somewhere that it's good to remind them to focus on their breathing, but isn't that kind of obvious? like, maybe they're already trying that but it just doesn't work; I've tried saying things like "remember to breathe" or "try to take deep breaths" but I can't help but feel it's too cliche; Is it really that simple? then there's the whole grounding technique thing, you know, the one where you tell them to list things they can see, hear, and touch, but does it make a difference when you're just typing it out and not there in person to guide them through it? I'm always worried about saying something that might make it worse, like what if I suggest that and it just frustrates her more?

so usually I fall back on letting her know I'm there for her, but I wonder if just saying "I'm here for you" really counts when I'm miles away behind a screen; it's just that none of the words seem to carry enough weight through my phone; someone once told me to remind her that it's temporary, but how can I convince her of that when I'm not even sure myself? I wish I knew what really goes on through her mind in those moments so I could be more helpful, I guess in a way I'm venting about my inability to truly help her through a panic attack via text; I want so desperately to be her anchor in those moments and I guess that's why I try to read more about it, like Reddit's subreddit on mental health or even some articles on psychology websites but nothing seems to fill in that gap of actually knowing what to do; it's always just theories and suggestions, and it's frustrating trying to apply generic advice to someone so unique like her; am I overthinking this, or is messaging just inherently a lacking form of comfort? I think about how much I want to be better at this, more equipped, but maybe I'm focusing too much on knowing exactly what to say and not enough on just being a presence, however virtual it may be; the logical part of me says to keep expressing empathy and validation, that at least those are probably neutral if not helpful, but I can't shake the feeling of inadequacy; like, is there anyone else out there who feels the pressure to always find the perfect words in an imperfect situation? the self-doubt is kind of paralyzing in its own right, makes me wonder if she's ever felt like this too during her anxiety; is it the same sort of paralysis that overcomes her? if I'm being totally honest, there are days when I wish I could just call her battles for what they are (complex and unpredictable) rather than trying to mold them into something understandable; does that make me a bad friend for not "doing my best"? I don't want her to feel unseen or unsupported because of my remote presence; I often think back to the groundwork of friendship, like reliability and listening, but does it all lose its importance over text? what do you think, is there a different framework for dealing with this distance, something more tangible that could provide solace? maybe next time, I'll ask her directly what she wants me to say, although that feels a bit like passing the responsibility; does anyone else struggle with these doubts? sometimes I just wish for a little more clarity in this friendship because supporting someone through a screen is so messy and uncertain; all this has been on my mind a lot lately, and maybe it shows just how deeply I care, even if I haven’t found the right method yet; but still, I keep questioning if her panic attacks ever 'get easier' for her.

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