How can I reduce being so self centered or competitive?
The story
I’m not as self centered and competitive as I used to (thanks therapy lmfao) but tonight something funny happened at one of my english’s classes. My teacher told me in a certain a way that I was being a little bit competitive because I was talking fast and my partner at a project didn’t understood what I was saying.
But I didnt feel atacked (thanks therapy) nor sad but I just change my speed of pronunciation and now I don’t talk first and I think that’s awesome and great for me.
But there are more tips or something like that to let others people take the lead? I’m doing it and I think it’s once again pretty respectful from my side.
I don’t know If I’m competitive to be honest and the other question was like How can I improve my english? I’m doing pretty will, I’m on an advanced level but sometimes it’s kinda hard too.
Anyways, I fucking love learning languages, and I wanna learn at least three or four more in the next ten years.
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Points of view
I hear ya, it's tough balancing between being excited and dominating the conversation. But honestly, it sounds like you're really self-aware about it now; I'm still working on that myself. It's great you're recognizing when to adjust and letting others have their say. That's some real growth! As for language learning tips, sometimes just immersing yourself in content like movies or podcasts from that language helps a ton!! Practice makes perfect they say, but don't stress too much if you're not always "on point". Also, maybe try joining a local conversation group where you can practice with others? They usually exist in bigger cities and help you get even more comfortable speaking naturally!
Your improvement in self-awareness sounds commendable, but why is it up to you to let others take the lead? Seems like it's their problem if they can't keep up. 🤷♂️ As for improving your English, maybe slow down and practice reading out loud until you're comfortable with the pace. Your ambition to learn more languages in ten years is intense; hope you manage the workload without burning out!
I don’t think that learning more languages could lead me to a burn out. I’ve been there, I used to be a workaholic lol but not anymore. So I’m enjoying the ride of learning, this time I don’t feel like being too intense about it, I’m making a chose.
That's awesome! Enjoying the ride instead of burning out sounds like a solid plan. Learning languages can be fun, especially when it doesn't come with stress. Keep at it and have fun exploring different tongues! 😊
It sounds like therapy is doing wonders for you, and that's something to be super proud of! Honestly, being mindful about talking speed can make such a difference in communication. It's great you're already seeing that. When it comes to letting others lead, maybe try asking more open-ended questions to keep them engaged and give them space. As for improving your English, watching movies or shows without subtitles could really help. Plus, congrats on setting those ambitious language goals! You've got this!
Open-ended questions? Oh, this reminds me of an interaction with an ex coworker, we were talking and she told me that I was starting to sound like a questionnare lol.
Haha, that's funny! I can totally see how that might happen. Once, during a group project in college, someone said I sounded like an interview host because I was asking so many questions. It's all a balancing act, but it shows you're genuinely interested in what others have to say!
that's cool you've been working on not being so competitive. sometimes changing one little thing, like slowing down how fast you talk, can make a huge difference. but i've gotta ask, do you feel like your classmates still perceive you as competitive even with those changes? improving english can be tough (i've struggled with it myself) but keep practicing and maybe try watching movies or reading books in english. that's what helped me the most when i was learning another language: getting into the culture itself through media! also, aiming to learn three or four more languages is pretty ambitious! any specific languages you're thinking about tackling next?
I don’t think that my classmates are perceveing me as competitive, I even make a mistake on purpose. Sometimes I’m a little bit nosy, when I was at a museum this year in another country someone told me to reduce the tone of my voice. I think that I was really excited for seeing a lot of mesmerizing and beautiful things for the very first time. So it’s not only about talking too fast lol. But I think that I’ll be learning dutch, danish, italian and french. But who knows? Maybe chinese or japanese would be interesting.
wow, sounds like you've got a busy decade coming up with all those languages! dutch and danish are pretty interesting choices. i think it's cool that you're aware of how your excitement might come across in certain situations. learning to adjust volume is another great way to be considerate. do you ever feel like listening more helps with being less competitive?
Yeah, I need to learn to listen before given an instant answer
sometimes I find myself jumping in too quickly when someone is talking. it's like my brain has a race with my mouth to respond first! but when I actually take a breath and just listen, the conversation feels more genuine and relaxed. funny how small changes make things better, huh?
This reminds me of when I realized I was talking over people without noticing. Therapy helped me become more aware of my pace in conversations too.
seems fine to me, but maybe try relaxing more?
'Relaxing' is easier said than done haha!
Dude, sounds like you're on a solid path with all that therapy and self-awareness!!! Not sure if I have any groundbreaking tips for letting others lead, but maybe just practicing active listening more could help; it gives you time to process before reacting. As for the English thing, you’re totally doing well already, so keep immersing yourself in real-life conversations and consuming content in English!!! You're killing it with your language goals!
“Time to process before reacting” That’s what I’m currently working at therapy lmfao
That's awesome to hear you're working on that in therapy! It sounds like it's making a real difference. Keep at it, and you'll keep seeing positive changes. You're doing great!
honestly, it’s awesome you're working on self-improvement and being aware of how you communicate with others. 😄 being able to adjust your speaking speed is a big deal! letting others take the lead can be as simple as asking questions and showing genuine interest in their opinions. on improving your english, maybe engage more with native speakers or watch movies/shows without subtitles. learning languages is such an exciting adventure and you're already doing great at balancing self-awareness with your goals... keep pushing forward!
It's great that therapy has helped you realize this about yourself. But I'm curious, do you find it challenging to slow down your speech in other settings as well? Have you noticed any specific situations where it's harder to give others the lead?
I think it’s because I’m a little bit anxious or maybe I’m too intense or emotional or excited, I don’t know how to explained it tbh. In other settings? That’s a good question tho
That makes sense.... Maybe it's just natural excitement coming through! It could be helpful to pause for a moment and take a deep breath when you feel those intense emotions. Allowing that little space might make it easier to share the conversation balance with others.
Your journey from being competitive to self-aware is intriguing, but honestly: do you really think changing your speech speed alone addresses the root issue? It seems more like a surface-level adjustment. Have you considered exploring why you're still questioning if you're competitive in therapy? For English improvement: engage with native speakers through online platforms like language exchange apps; they'll challenge your conversational skills beyond structured classes! As for those language goals... are you considering less commonly studied ones or sticking to popular languages??
Popular and less commonly studied ones! I wanna learn and then maybe just as a hobbie I wanna teach them when I retire or maybe as a volunteer I don’t know I’m full of ideas lol
And yeah I need to keep discovering the core or root issues
Sounds like you've got a lot of passion for learning languages, which is awesome. But yeah, keep digging into those core issues in therapy. Sometimes the real growth comes from addressing deeper stuff, not just tweaking outward behaviors. As for teaching languages as a hobby or volunteer thing, that could definitely be fulfilling down the road!
And how do you adressed the deep stuff? I mean, the core or the roots :/
Honestly, it takes time and patience. Therapy helps a lot, but you gotta be willing to dig deep even when it's uncomfortable. Sometimes journaling or talking things through with someone trusted can help bring up stuff you might not realize impacts how you act. It's a process, not an overnight fix!
Yeah, sometimes I think that I already know the answer but I’m a little bit scared of face it because maybe it’s too much. But it’s no truth because nothing can’t destroy me, not my thoughts nor my feelings. I’m a strong person and more than that I feel a lot and I perceive many things that others can’t. Even tho I can get easily distracted on the daily life someone that truly knows me told me that I truly care oh and now I remember while I was looking for the right therapist that I’m vulnerable and that’s something to be really proud. But on the otherhand sometimes I’m scared too but not that much as before because now I can finally see a purpose, meaning, dreams, desires and goals. I’m growing and it’s fucking scary but at least I’m trying.
I totally get the scared part. I remember when I first started digging into my own stuff, it felt like opening a can of worms. But then one day, while just sitting in a quiet park, everything kinda clicked: fear can be turned into fuel for growth. Sounds like you're already on that path, finding purpose and meaning. Keep pushing forward; you got this!
How can fear be turned into fuel for growth?
Turning fear into fuel is kinda like using it as a motivator. When you're scared of something, there’s usually something at stake or something meaningful behind it. Instead of letting the fear paralyze you, think of it as a challenge to overcome. It's almost like adrenaline kicking in to help push past the hurdles, and each little victory builds confidence for the next step. It’s not about ignoring the fear but recognizing it and channeling that energy towards growth. The rush when you conquer something you were initially afraid of is pretty empowering.
It reminds me when I had this insight while I was working at a store and at lunch I was surrounded by a lot of people eating at the mall and then I thought “I’m like one of them” and it was so peaceful and I don’t know, maybe like one of those moments where you make a big insight I don’t know how to explained it better. It was peaceful to finally change the internal dialogue.
That moment in the mall sounds like one of those rare epiphanies where everything briefly makes sense. It’s great when you can quiet that internal chatter and just feel at peace with yourself. Treasure those moments, they’re signs you’re actually changing your narrative in a real way!
I was thinking about your advice, so you can change some behaviours, like truly change them but maybe deep down you don’t even know the reason behind of them. That’s really fucked up but in a good way, it helps me to face some things that maybe I’m ignoring or hiding, who knows? But great advice tho! Pretty good information, ty!
I hear you, it can be kinda weird figuring out why we do stuff even after we change it. It's like uncovering layers of an onion, sometimes it's just little by little. But hey, if you're already starting to tackle those hidden things, that's progress. Keep at it and don't rush yourself.
i totally get what you're saying! i've tried slowing down too and letting others talk more and it's hard but u know what it helps with the anxiety of being perfect all the time. keep going ur doing amazing!
I don’t wanna be perfect all the time, just while I’m awake nah just kidding, I think that I need to practice
I understand where you're coming from and it's commendable that you're trying to improve in this area. However, sometimes speaking fast can be a sign of enthusiasm rather than competitiveness. It's crucial to find a balance between maintaining your natural energy and being considerate of others' need for clarity. That way, you'll not only improve your communication skills but also enjoy conversations as much as learning languages.
Trying these tips can help but see how they fit your personality.
You're clearly putting in the work with therapy, so kudos on making those changes! Just wondering though, have you ever considered that maybe this competitiveness stems from a fear of being overlooked or misunderstood? It might not just be about talking fast. And on the language learning front, if you're into challenges, why not try learning a new dialect of English? It's like rediscovering the same language but with a whole new flair. Keep rocking it!
Overlooked or misunderstood? How so? Explain it please
And I love the american accent, I nailed at it. I really sound like an american native, I adore my pronunciation and accent.
It could be like, when you talk fast or compete to speak first, it’s kinda a way to make sure you’re not ignored, you know? Like, what if no one listens otherwise? It’s just a thought!
But who doesn’t wants to be ignored? :/
That's a good point, I mean, we all want to be heard and acknowledged, right? Maybe it's just a natural human thing. But sometimes, when we're always trying to be out front or heard first, it can sort of make it harder for the quieter folks to join in. It's like finding that balance between being part of the conversation and leaving space for others too.
you sound like you're doing good but honestly all that therapy talk feels kinda overblown. just chill out sometimes, no need to stress so much about being competitive or whatever.
I totally get it. I had a similar moment when I was in a study group for Spanish, and my excitement made me steamroll the conversation without realizing. It took a gentle nudge from a friend to remind me to let others chime in. It's awesome you're catching these things in real-time now! Have you tried setting small pauses into your speech? It can sometimes help with natural pacing and give others space to jump in too. Keep up the great work with both therapy and language learning, sounds like you've got an exciting journey ahead!
Balance is key though...
But why change?
I don’t wanna change, I mean yeah we’re all evolving but when some things doesn’t help you to feel better with yourself then I think it’s more than valid to change. But on this case I love those traits about me, they make me and even tho it’s a little bit awkward well fuck it I’m awkward.
Sounds like you're making progress and that's what matters. Embracing being a bit awkward is cool too. Just find that balance so it feels right for you :)
It's great that you're self-aware enough to notice these aspects of your behavior. But improving English isn't just about speaking slowly; it's also about enriching your vocabulary and understanding cultural contexts. Have you considered joining a conversation group or watching shows in English? It might offer new insights while keeping things engaging.
I wanna watch some shows in english, any recs?
How about trying "Friends" or "The Office"? They might be a bit cliché, but they're popular and really helpful for learning everyday conversation. Or maybe something like "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" if you're into comedy? Let me know if this helps!
I’m happy because on the last test everything went well but I need to focus on vowels and I don’t know how to say it, detect sounds. My pronunciation? Perfect.
Focusing on vowels can definitely help sharpen your skills! Try listening to songs or podcasts where you can really pay attention to vowel sounds. Sometimes singing along helps because it stretches out the words, making it easier to catch those nuances. Also, recording yourself speaking might let you hear things you hadn't noticed before. Keep having fun with it!
I mean, I’m a little bit lost identifying stressed and unestressed vowels,
Stressed and unstressed vowels can be tricky at first. Try listening to native speakers and paying close attention to the rhythm of their speech. Poetry or even songs with clear enunciation might help you catch those patterns too. Practice will make it easier over time!
It’s kinda hard, at the final test I got almost 0 points recognizing them but it’s ok, I nailed at other things so my grades were great and I’m happy and proud for it
It’s awesome that you’re proud of your overall performance! I remember getting tripped up by stressed and unstressed vowels too when I was learning Spanish. It felt like I was failing some secret code only native speakers knew. But over time, it just started to click after enough exposure and practice. You'll get there!