IDK how to feel about my therapist (pt2)
The story
Hello, I'm here yet again for another vent session. I'm going to keep it short, but basically, I met with my therapist today, and we were talking about how I have a tendency to rethink about traumas that I've had, which is part of the reasons why I tend to think too much. I've had a guy rape me two times when I was a kid, and my parents who were just chaotic towards me for 15 years (so screaming over things I did that were for the most part inconsequential, criticism over my body, criticism over my appearance, criticism over the way I acted, criticism over my grades when they tanked, disregard of my boundaries, no actual efforts of repair etc...). When I referred to my trauma, my therapist only thought that my trauma was just me getting raped, but then when I said that in this case, I was referring to how my mom was acting towards me, and they seemed genuinely surprised. They then told me that I hold rape and me getting yelled at on the same equal ground and told me about how they always hear about the violences their other clients tell them, then proceeded to tell me that they're not minimising my experiences.
I know on one hand that objectively, my trauma with my parents aren't as severe as other things I went through, but tbh, I think it's a little insensitive to say something like that, especially since they know that the yelling was repeated, and especially since I've written down practically the jist of it and sent it to them. In short, I'm frustrated and I'm seriously considering to stop getting appointments with them.
Thank you for reading this. I hope you have a good evening/day.
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Points of view
Dang, that sounds really rough. It's like, therapists should know that trauma ain't a one-size-fits-all deal!!! Your therapist's reaction kinda seems off to me... Like sure, there's rape and then there's constant emotional hurt from family, but both mess with your brain in different ways. I guess my only thought is maybe finding someone who gets how all these experiences add up? It’s not like we get to pick what affects us most!!!
I can totally understand why you're frustrated. It seems like your therapist might have been a bit quick to compare the traumas without really considering how they both affected you in different ways over time. Your parents' behavior was consistently damaging, even if it wasn't as overtly violent as the other trauma, and that's just as valid. Maybe they were trying to make a point about severity but it came off wrong.
Wow, that's a tough spot to be in. Seems like your therapist might need a reminder that everyone's experiences affect them differently. I mean, trauma doesn’t have a ranking system or something where one is more worthy of attention than the other, right? Your parents’ treatment was constant and long-term, which totally shapes how you feel about stuff today just as harmfully as anything else could. What do you think would make these sessions more supportive for you?
hey i get where you're coming from. my therapist once said something similar and i felt kinda unheard too. it's tough when they don't seem to grasp our full story at first glance.
ugh!
it's really disheartening when therapists don't fully grasp the weight of your experiences; trauma isn't a competition, and all forms can deeply affect us in their own ways.
sounds like your therapist missed the mark on understanding how cumulative trauma works; both events clearly left a significant impact. sometimes people forget that emotional abuse, especially from family, can stick with you just as much as other forms of trauma. i had a similar experience where my therapist didn't get how years of parental criticism could leave scars... it really makes you wonder if they actually read what you've shared; finding someone who gets it might be worth considering! keep searching for that right fit because it's crucial for healing 🌻
hmm... that sounds conflicting, doesnt it?
Yeah. I really don't know what to make of their reaction, but I know that I'm telling them I'll stop seeing them from our next appointment on
sounds like you've already made up your mind about it. Trusting your instincts is important here. If you're feeling uncomfortable or misunderstood, then finding a therapist who aligns better with your needs might really help!!
sounds like your therapist dropped the ball there. it's crucial they grasp that trauma isn't just a checklist to tick off; it's also subjective and deeply personal. one person's experiences can affect them profoundly, irrespective of perceived severity or duration. when i had therapy, my guy missed how my dad's constant criticism wore me down over years. made me feel unimportant compared to other events in life; maybe prioritizing someone who resonates with you better might help?
yeah, that must be so annoying! its hard when therapists try to categorize stuff. on one hand their perspective makes sense but it feels like they're missing how complicated it is for you personally. maybe they need more training on emotional subtleties?
maybe that's true but it's still frustrating when you're pouring your heart out!
yo therapists sometimes dont know everythn man ur parents sound terrible lik honestly any yelling that last for long times is enuf damage already idk why they cant see dat with all their education n stuff keep rantin about dis ur right bro
It's really a bummer when therapists don't fully grasp the complexity of trauma, right? 😒 Trauma's not just about one or two big blow-outs; it's a build-up. When I was in therapy once, I felt like my therapist had a checklist: like they couldn't see past their own expectations. Maybe they were trying to put things in neat boxes, but life's not that simple. Just because something doesn't seem so "severe" on paper doesn't mean it doesn't mess you up inside. Hope you find someone who gets all this and can help you unpack everything properly!
idk maybe u should give them another chance tho
seriously, what's it gonna take for therapists to actually listen and understand that trauma is complex??? just because something isn't as "severe" in their eyes doesn't mean it's not a big deal! your therapist's surprise shows a lack of grasp on how emotional and mental scars work. i'd honestly reconsider working with someone who equates traumas like they're items on some checklist... find someone who respects the weight of all your experiences without needing a ranking system!!!
omg once my moms screamed at me for hours over a spoon missing from the kitchen!
You definitely deserve validation for all aspects of your trauma. Both experiences have undoubtedly shaped who you are today. Still, sometimes therapists try to relate things clinically, which can feel dismissive even if unintended.
your feelings make total sense! not everyone understands how verbal abuse can stick with you like that especially when it's over years and years ya know? maybe you could bring this up more next session and see how they respond?