okay so im starting to notice a pattern in me. when im in a relationship, friends, dating, etc. i like to make them feel loved if you understand me. i love spoiling them it makes me happy too.

when my friends or lover are struggling im always there for them. i love making them feel important and loved.

but i start to notice that my relationship are failing because i tend to pull away when they start getting attached to me. i love them but i dont know why i do that.

i genuinely feel that im actually toxic, baiting them to liking me, being their safe space, someone they can always depend on and suddenly just take it away from them.

imagine the person that you depend on just suddenly took off for no reason. iknow im wrong but i just cant help it. i always back away when someone gets too close to me.

i dont know whats wrong with me honestly... i feel so evil for doing this. i love them so much yet i just kept pulling away. especially when they tell me why did you change, i feel like im losing you, you're never there for me anymore. i feel like you're not on my side anymore. i know it hurts them. i made them wait for me but i just dont know what to do anymore.

and i do feel sad about losing my friends and partner but only for a short while..

how do i change? what should i do? am i just using them? idek anymore

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