How to stop missing your ex?
The story
It’s been 7 months since we broke up and I still miss him. Like really miss him. And it’s not just at night when everything’s quiet and the world slows down, it’s in the randomest moments too. Like when I’m walking home and pass that pizza place we used to go to, or when a song we both loved comes on shuffle, or when I hear someone laugh that sounds like him. I swear I’ve tried everything. I deleted our pictures, muted him on socials (I couldn’t bring myself to block him yet), threw away the hoodie he left at my place… but still, he’s in my head like a ghost. I don’t wanna be that girl who’s stuck in the past, who talks about her ex like she doesn’t have anything else going on. But no matter what I do, he keeps comin back in my thoughts.
We were together for two years. And I know, that might not sound like forever, but when you're in it, it feels like forever. He wasn’t just a boyfriend—he was my best friend. The person I texted about everything, the one I wanted to see first when something good happened, or when my world was crashing down. We had inside jokes and stupid routines and all the things that make you feel like this is it, this is the person. And then suddenly, it wasn’t. We broke up because we wanted different things, or at least that’s what we told ourselves. But I think deep down it was just that he stopped trying, and I got tired of begging for effort. It wasn’t one big fight. It was a slow death.
Even though I know the relationship wasn’t healthy near the end, I still miss the good parts. The way he held me when I cried, how he remembered how I took my coffee, the little drawings he’d leave in my notebook when I wasn’t looking. And yeah, I miss the physical stuff too—his arms, his smell, the way he’d kiss my forehead when he thought I was asleep. It’s like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive, just not mine anymore. And that sucks more than anything. Cuz he’s out there, probably fine, probably moved on. And I’m still here wondering if he ever thinks about me like I think about him.
I’ve gone on a few dates since, tried to put myself back out there, but it all feels... flat. Like I’m comparing them to him without meaning to. I don’t want to do that, it’s not fair to them or to me. But my heart still has his fingerprints on it, and I don’t know how to wash them off. People keep telling me time heals, and maybe they’re right, but no one talks about what to do during the time. The hours that drag. The nights you wake up hoping it was all a dream. The urge to text him “I miss you” even though you know it’ll only make things worse. I’ve typed that message more times than I can count and deleted it every time.
So if you’re askin how to stop missing your ex, I don’t really have a perfect answer. I’m still learning. Still tryna unlearn the love I gave so freely. What I can say is… let yourself feel it. Don’t rush to fill the space with distractions or someone new. Sit with the ache, ugly cry if you need to, write letters you’ll never send. Talk about it. Get it out. But also, don’t let it define you. You’re still whole, even without them. You existed before them, and you’ll exist after. I’m starting to remember who I was before we met, and even though that girl feels far away, I’m trying to reach her again.
Some days are better than others. I still miss him, but I also miss me. The version of me that wasn’t waiting for a text, wasn’t second guessing her worth. So maybe the trick to stop missing your ex isn’t really about them. Maybe it’s about finding yourself again, piece by piece. And maybe one day, I’ll look back and smile, not because it didn’t hurt, but because I healed anyway.
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Points of view
It sounds like you're really in the thick of it, but honestly, staying stuck on someone who stopped putting in the effort isn't it. Relationships should be mutual, ya know? You mentioned, "But my heart still has his fingerprints on it," which is poetic, but also a sign that you need to wipe those prints away and start fresh; that's where healing begins. Feeling like you're grieving someone still alive is relatable, but don't you think there’s a world of opportunities awaiting you out there???? You deserve someone who doesn't require you to beg for effort!!! Stay strong, focus on rediscovering who you are, and soon, you'll realize that time does heal, even if it drags right now.
Man, I totally get where you're coming from and you're clearly not alone. Breakups can feel like a never-ending cycle of trying to "unlearn" all that love. I’ve been there too, feeling like you're grieving someone who's still around – hits hard; It's like you're haunted by memories, right? 🕒 People always say time heals all wounds, but it's the in-between that’s rough. I remember feeling like every date I went on was just a comparison game, and it sucked. Just know that it’s completely okay to mourn what was but also don't lose sight of yourself in the process. Take your time and feel it all.
I understand your situation, but it seems like you might be idealizing the past. It’s crucial to remember that relationships should be balanced and mutual, with both parties putting consistent effort. "But my heart still has his fingerprints on it," you mentioned this, but honestly, living in the past can hold you back from embracing new possibilities; don't you think there are other paths waiting for you outside of the emotional constraints??? Focusing too much on someone who’s no longer a part of your life can prevent you from moving forward. It might be beneficial to shift your perspective and prioritize your own growth and well-being.
I can relate to what you're going through, and it makes sense to feel that deep sense of loss after a breakup. You described it perfectly when you said it feels like you're "grieving someone who’s still alive." It's a challenging process, and it's understandable to feel his presence in those random moments. But it's essential, as you mentioned, to start reconnecting with who you were before the relationship; this might help you regain some equilibrium and perspective. At the same time, it's important to remember that healing is a personal journey—everyone moves at their own pace, and that's okay. Finding yourself again can be empowering, even if it takes time. Hang in there!