I don’t like his friend.
The story
So my long distance boyfriend and I have been together only for a few months. I’m his first girlfriend and he’s definitely been the best boyfriend I’ve had so far. We have pretty good communication and we’re both very open with each other. I know his friends for one. And one of the first friends I learned about was a girl named Katie. Now I don’t mind if he has friends who are girls, because I’d rather trust him than be suspicious of his every move. My mindset has always been that the truth will come out anyway so if he does cheat, I’ll learn at some point, I don’t need to go chasing after that information.
But that’s besides the point. Him and Katie have been friends for a long time. And I’ve heard some disturbing stuff about her. She’s said some pretty mean shit to hi, that are things he’s insecure and worried about in his life. She said that he was a bum and that he was throwing his life away, just because he took a gap year from college to figure out if that’s actually what he wanted to do. And when she learned about me and how we’re long distance, she was like dude wtf? Which was super off putting to me. She acts like such a hater to him. What makes this worse is that he even said that she reminds him of his dad, who he has had a lot of issues with. So that made me really concerned about this friendship. He even blocked her because she was grilling him for struggling to find a job after he got fired, and he said he couldn’t take feeling like he’s disappointing her. Mind you, she’s not even in college or has a job, but she’s on him for this stuff.
I don’t know if I should talk about it with him. I don’t like her and how she talks to him, it’s not right. He works so hard and he’s been doing better than she claims. She’s filling his head with doubts about his own capabilities, calling him mentally ill and that he needs serious help, when there’s nothing wrong with him. I’m worried about talking about this because she’s his friend but, I wish he’d set some boundaries on how she talks to him. I hated hearing say “what if she’s right and I’m throwing away my life and fucking it up by being myself?” That’s a horrible thing for a friend to say. Accountability doesn’t have to be so mean.! I just don’t know if I should tell him how I feel or not.
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Points of view
Honestly, I think you should definitely talk to him about it because letting someone toxic mess with his head like that ain't cool at all!
understanding the dynamics his friendship with katie brings can be challenging, but maybe encouraging him to reflect on how interactions with her make him feel might help him see the situation clearly;
It's really tough to see someone you care about get treated like that, especially by a so-called friend. You know, sometimes people hold onto friendships because of history rather than how they actually make them feel. Maybe just sharing your worries could help him see things more clearly. It's important he knows you're in his corner and only want the best for him. 🤔
it seems you're dealing with quite a tricky situation. while your instinct might be to let him handle his friendships, it's evident that her influence is affecting him negatively; addressing this topic requires tact, given their long history. acknowledging his feelings and supporting him in setting boundaries could be beneficial for both his mental health and your relationship. considering her behavior, it might be worth discussing how he feels about these interactions without directly confronting the friendship itself. your concern is valid, but allowing him the space to reflect on whether this is truly a healthy dynamic for him may prove more effective than forcing the issue;.