I literally so f****** overwhelmed like I bit my hand and it started to bruise so I don't know how I'm going to cover that up and then my brother is a so incompetent because whenever we have to go to the field because I have to choreograph and I can't choreograph at home because I can't tumble at home so we have to go out to this football field so I can do it without hurting myself it's always my car doesn't have enough gas my step mom just quit her job so her car is free so I just got off the phone with him he's like well my check engine light just came on and I'm like well Miss Jasmine still there because she quit her job so ask her if we can use her car cuz she's most likely going to say yes so he's like oh I don't know cuz I have to ask her I'm like then ask her and mind you he's 18 acting like he's a freaking 14 year old I'm going to be 14 soon and I'm acting more return than he is he needs to grow up he's not done with school he hasn't even started applying to call it is he doesn't have a job I have a job I am almost at school I should be done in April and she already going to high school like he needs to get his act together and you know what I'm talking really bad about him and I love him he's a great brother but it's just sometimes he like pushes my buttons and I babysit my sister and she don't want to be a girl and so a lot of the time she's also pushing my buttons and I can't deal with it like I was literally thinking about banging my head against the wall and that's the way that I hurt myself like it's a form of self harm so but I have I had to stop myself and like I was getting so overwhelmed and then whenever I try to tell someone that I'm over one they told me that it's not that important so like I have no one to talk to I have no friends I don't have a boyfriend I don't have anything so like I'm just over here struggling by myself whatever my parents say your feelings are important I want to f****** laugh in their faces because we both know that you don't really truly think that you're saying that because it looks better than saying don't tell me you're feelings because true you're not going to care about them and when you do care about them your lecturing me about how I should feel instead of saying the way you're feeling right now is valid but I'm going to explain the situation to you tell me you understand it a bit better and maybe that can help change your feelings on this and help you feel better about them I don't know if this even makes sense I am ranting I'm like actually shaking with how upset and overstimulated I am right now but it's whatever that's it bye

sincerely,

Melody

should I sneak out

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