I kept on pushing her away, and now I regret it
The story
Hey guys, it's the dead of the night at my country and I hope that someone can read this, this is about my ex and I.
Last November of 2025, we broke up and it hurt me yes. But what happened was after a few months (around March of the current year) we talked again, and I insisted that I don't love her anymore even though I still do, we parted ways and didn't talk until June came, we were on the same friend group so I was invited by our friend for a reunion smth like that, and she told me that my ex will be there. I told her that I will come and the day of the venue came and it was very awkward for me so I ultimately told them that I'll get going early because of an emergency (surprise surprise, there's no emergency at all lol). Then my close friend in the group (bless her heart) asked me if there was really an emergency, I told her honestly that there isn't and that I just felt very awkward so I left. We talked for a while and I also became honest and told her that I still love her and it is up to her if she'll say it to her or not, but I prefer not so yeah. A week passed and my ex, contacted me again and asked if there's a chance that we could be back again, I told her I'll think about it but only a day after I told her we'll try again, now what happened was that my unsettled jealousy from her gay friend (they took a photo that's only the two of them), tried to tell her that I'm jealous of it and she should delete the post but she only joked about it 2 times (the amount of times that I told her was 2 also), so after that attempt, I didn't try and I broke up with her again because of that jealousy and the feeling that I'm not enough (Ik, I'm such a douche about it). And she was mad about it for a while but she told me that she's sorry that she talked to me about it that way, told her it's alright and we parted ways again, few days went by (it was around July 7 at that time already) and she saw my post and asked me if there was a chance again? Told her no again, and at the end she told me that she already felt relieved, so I pulled back my words, we parted ways again and ultimately regretted it after a day. I tried to tell her that I still want her back and I'll be better but my fear took over and now it's 7th of September 2026. Up until now I still think of her and Idk what to do, I cry about it sometimes because of my stupidity. I could've had the chance but I fumbled it :'/.
Is my jealousy even valid? And what do I do? Please help a guy out :(.