Same old story with me. I'm like a broken record. I hate this. Some days I'm clearer, I can manage the flashbacks or the whatever. But other days I can't. I can't focus, I see images of things I don't want to see anymore or hear screams. Or I remember so vividly I get lost in the flashbacks for like, 3 seconds, and I even say what I'd have said, or did, during whatever moment I'm remembering. There's no Escape from it.

I hate that it's cost me so much. Of myself and ofc my pals. I just want this stuff out of my head. But that's impossible. Therapy be damned, I will always live with these memories, I know this, I've spoken to so many people with the same type of haunts, and it never, ever leaves. Will it persist to my deathbed? And always questions, stupid useless questions with no answer, but my childhood self is still asking why, how, why. Stupid! But I keep ah, keep on asking ahaha, ahhh fuckk man. fuck me. And sleeping, oh my love. My mistress(a full night's rest) fuckin eloped on my ass because I can't even get proper rest. Always screams.

Was easier when I wasn't in bed alone. Oh well. I wonder how much more of this I can take feasibly before idek. something has to change

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